By Femrecruit

I

It is late afternoon, on a rather cold and dreary November day. I own a very small one-person barbershop, and you are my last customer of the day. I am the only "feminine" influence in the shop. It's all purely packed as a barbershop should be with testosterone influences, such as real wood paneling and a black-and-white checkered floor. Only an authentic, heavy duty barber chair sits in my shop -- no lightweight salon chairs! And no perming or coloring chemicals are allowed.

It's been a long day for you, so I shall try and help you relax and unwind. Would you like a beer or a glass of wine? All you have to do is ask, and I shall serve you as fully as I know how. This is our first time together, so I'm unfamiliar with your hair. It's important for a barber to really find out what kind of hair you have before we attempt a cut -- I need to learn its thickness and growth patterns. So, I'll just run my fingers through your hair to become a bit more intimately acquainted with it. And, to help you relax, I'll give you a bit of a head massage as well! Wow, your hair looks and feels so incredibly healthy, so what kind of a cut would you prefer?

Oh, the decision is up to me? Well...I'm bit partial to flattops myself and think you would look absolutely sensational in one! I know, you're a bit nervous because it is new to you. Please relax, dear Sir. Here, I'll knead your shoulders just a bit to help you relax. I'm afraid I'm not a very speedy barber, but I'm very thorough and will do my absolute best to please you!

Okay, I'll grab a piece of white paper to wrap around your neck and I'll grab a barber cape to drape over you now. And I'll turn you towards the mirror so you can always see what I'm doing to you. I'll run my fingers through your hair one last time just to make sure I'm familiar with its texture. Do you mind if I turn on the CD? My favorite artist is Jeff Buckley (he seriously is absolutely sensational!), and I think we'll both enjoy listening to him, but I won't keep the volume too high.

There are several clippers lying on the counter. I pick up a very heavy duty pair that will cut hair to 1". I think we'll start with those. Are you ready? I promise I won't hurt you! Oh my! I'm sorry they're so very noisy! I nearly get a hand massage just holding them! With my left hand, I will need to firmly push your head forward and downward as I prefer to start on the neck. All of a sudden, you feel the humming getting closer and closer until you experience cold metal on your neck and a rapid vibration of the buzzing clippers. Very slowly, the clippers escalate up the back of your head. You feel a bit of a breeze as a patch is shorn from the back of your head. I gently run my fingers over the patch to feel your hair. Sorry! I simply can't resist the feeling. I return the clippers to the bottom of your neck and again begin my assent. The loud buzzing and fast vibration of the clippers nearly drowns out every other sense in your body. Well, not **every** sense.... Except that you feel my head moving your head over a bit. That's all right, you're welcome to watch in the mirror or if you'd prefer, just close your eyes. This should be relaxing to you, and whatever makes you most comfortable is what you should do!

Should you choose to watch, Sir, you shall see your hair sprinkling over the cape almost like a lawnmower relieves the ground of grass beneath his powerful blades. I will cup your ear in my hand to protect it while my clippers "saw wood" around your ear. How thick your hair is! I shall stand in front of you to clip the front of your hair. My left hand will position your head so that the cutting angle is just so. I must move in closer so I can see better to clip an exact precision cut. Uh-oh, I am wearing a low-cut blouse and some of your hair seems to be raining inside my blouse a bit! I hope you don't mind that I stop momentarily and take a soft brush to whisk away your clipped hair out of my cleavage! I'll just lean forward a bit and brush outward to make sure I brush them all away.

Much better, and I apologize for the interruption! Okay, it's time to get back to business. My goodness, your legs are so long that I can't seem to get close enough to put the clippers directly in front on your forehead. Hmmm....a dilemma. This may be a bit unethical, but would you mind terribly if I just quickly sat on your lap for a better view? You are so kind -- thank you! Please tip your head down, Sir. I will now take both hands and position your head to mow down a perfect path in the middle. That first pass with the clippers is most important, I feel, because it sets a precedent for how the front will look. The clippers are now quite warm as I press them against the middle of your forehead. And I press them back as you feel them buzz off your the front of your hair. All of that hair is flying everywhere! Oh dear, there is some right by your eye. Please close your eyes, and I'll softly blow the hair away. Whhhhhhhah....there you go, now the tiny pieces of hair are away from your eyes. Now, I'll start to press the clippers just to the left of center as they scurry across your head, like little tiny electric mice were running rampant! Is your head feeling lighter yet? Oh, I hope it is!

I shall hop off of your lap now, while I change clippers. Would you care for another drink? Here, I'll hand you one. It's your night for pampering, and I wish for you to be totally fulfilled! The next pair of clippers cuts the hair shorter and has a different tone to it. The buzz isn't as loud, and they purr with more precision. First I will take my hands and rub them over your head to remove any stray hairs from the first clipping. I want nothing in my way for the second stage of your haircut. Your neck muscles feel a bit tight, though. Will you allow me to massage them a bit for you? Oh yes, just relax....relax.....and I hope the humming of the clippers lulls you into a deeper state of relaxation. I firmly press your head down in front as I see your broad muscular neck in front of me. I have much work left to do! The clippers start at the base of your neck and only climb half-way up, then I press your head to the side and start the ascent again. Hmmm....I will be honest -- I'm not a terribly experienced barber, and I seem not to have pressed firmly enough, so I'm afraid we need to start again. This time I will press a bit harder. Ahh...there we go! You can really feel the wild vibrations more intensely against your skin now, can't you?! I shall re-position your head as the clippers finish their last path on your neck.

It is now time for a pair of clippers that cuts even tighter. These clippers are smaller and my long, slender fingers conceal most of them, so as you peer into the mirror, it's almost as if I have magical hands that are clipping your hair! Well, except for the cord. {grin} I begin the slight taper in back. I must buzz a small section over and over again because it must look perfect, as I take great pride in my work.

I move around to the front of you. I'm afraid your long legs prevent me from getting close enough to see once again! So, if you don't mind terribly, I shall perch myself upon your lap to start the clippers on top of your head. I comb your hair up and look at you straight on and then drag the clippers across the comb for an absolutely perfect flattop! I will taper the sides up, so my clippers must press the very back of your cheeks lightly as I push in and up for a totally undetectable line.

I shall slowly slide off of your lap so I can take a final view. First, I grab my sable hair brush and gently brush all the little hairs away from your ears and neck. I hope it doesn't tickle! Wait, I see a tiny spot that doesn't look 100% right. I once again flick on the clippers and barely cut into the hair as I hold your head very tightly since any movement can ruin the entire effect. My hands are not wide, but my fingers are long and cradle your head while I perform my final task with the clippers. There is nearly a deafening silence when I click off the clippers. Jeff Buckley is crooning "Dream Brother" with its minor chords hypnotizing the atmosphere.

I take the hair brush and tickle your neck while tiny bits of hair are whisked away. I place a mirror in your hand and turn the barber chair around so you can view the back. What do you think? I hope you like it! Ah, but we are not done yet, dear Sir. I run a full-service barbershop, not a "quickie" shop! A beard trim or facial shave is included. You don't wear facial hair, so I shall give you the royal treatment and make your face as smooth as a baby's!

First, we must recline the barber chair. Please don't worry -- the chair is heavy duty and shall accommodate you well. Just.....relax....while I tip back the chair. There, are you comfortable? Good! Excuse me a moment, please, and I shall be right back.

Okay, please close your eyes. That's better.... I will now put a very warm towel on your face to soften your beard. Oh.....oh....isn't that warmth wonderful? All wet and flushed.....you feel circulation traveling to your extremities. While I allow the warmth and moisture to penetrate your skin, I'll light massage your temples. I wish this to be totally relaxing to you. My fingers seem to melt into your forehead as they press down and slowly dance in circles just pushing the stress out of your head. Your shoulders loosen up and you take a deep breath as you relax even deeper...

I unfold the towel from around your face. The next thing you hear is a whooosh and a soft, creamy lather on your face. A different sable-haired brush lavishes your face in a luscious lather. Please tuck your chin up, Sir, to make your neck nice and taut. Oh yes, that is much better. Your head is encased in my arms as I take a straight razor and slowly scrap upwards. I am so close to you that your head nearly rests between my breasts and you catch just a whiff of Givenchy's Amarige. I hear and feel you sigh, so I know that you are now totally relaxed. I gently press against the bottom of your throat again and once again begin the progression to your chin. I press a moist, warm towel over the area I shaved. It is now time to shave your cheeks and chin. I closely envelope your head in my arms and lean over your face. Uh-oh, my long blonde hair just swept across your face! I'll flip it behind my shoulders. Sorry about that!

The straight razor scrapes your cheek while you feel my warm breath purr on your face. I want you to feel as wonderful as you're going to look! And finally, I dab your face with a warm towel to remove any remnants of shaving cream. I pull back to take a gander at my latest creation. Nary a nick! Looks can be deceiving though, so I must test with tactility for the final results. My delicate, soft digits explore every millimeter of your face for any roughness whatsoever. Ah but, dear Sir, your face feels so incredibly smooth!

And now for the finality. Please continue to recline. I shall just remove the cape and paper and unbutton your shirt a tiny bit.....for a massage! My fingers burrow into your shoulders firmly and knead your relaxed muscles. I hear your low growl, and appreciate your compliment of unadulterated relaxation. Now, I shall lubricate my hands with a bit of lotion and rub your shoulders and your chest, bringing my fingers up your neck and pushing back into your shoulders and pumping your chest with my body weight. I wish to continue until your muscle[s] has been relieved of all stress....

Does not that feel totally exquisite?! Alas, parting is such sweet sorrow, I feel as I tilt your chair upright. That will be $6.00 please, Sir. A tip? Oh no, no, I could never accept cash! But I am experiencing pangs of yearning in my lower body, and there is a fantastic French establishment just a few blocks over.... You're asking me to dinner?! Why, I do hope that you can satisfy my appetite, which has been growing since you first walked in the door! And I'm most certainly glad that you are man enough to accept my challenge.

I must say, your flattop looks absolutely perfect on you. Why, who is your barber?

 

The End