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Man with a Plan by burrlypup


Me and my buddy Rob have known each other since ranger school. We get along well so we moved in together to save money on rent while on assignment. He's good housemate, my only peeve would be sharing a bathroom with him.

Rob buzzes his hair with a 3A guard every Saturday morning. After which, he never cleans up. Just leaves his blond mounds of stubble all over the sink and floor. To top it off, he uses my Oster 76's and just leaves them out as well. This past weekend, I brought a date home and once again, the bathroom I'd just cleaned was covered in Rob's hair. I wiped off the counters and swept the floor, in my frustration coming up with a foolproof solution.

After my date left, I hopped online and ordered a #00000 blade for my clippers. Once it arrived, I replaced the 3A with it. With Rob's lack of attention to detail, I knew he wouldn't notice it until it was too late.

0600 hours, Saturday morning, I heard Rob enter the bathroom and the whirr of the clippers come to life. I was grinning, expecting him to shout some expletive at any moment. It was about 10 minutes later when I heard him hop in the shower and about 5 minutes more until he finally popped out. I was waiting outside the bathroom door, which was slightly ajar. I poked it to widen the view. I saw half inch mounds of his blond hair on the tile. Suddenly, the door swung open and there stood Rob, his head buzzed down to an invisible stubble.

"Hey man, thanks for switching the blades on the clippers, this is pretty sweet!" Rob smiled at me as he lathered his face and began to shave it. My plan apparently would solve nothing, and Rob seemed chipper to be almost bald.

"Don't mention it. Would you mind cleaning up the hair when you're done?" I asked, knowing he would forget but putting it out there anyway.

"Sure!" Rob said, rubbing his smooth face, then the micro-stubble on his head which made a scratching sound as he stroked it. He appeared to ponder for a few moments. He shot some hot lather into his hand and covered his head with it, letting it sit in for a minute. I looked on intrigued.

"I always wanted to try out a baldie - here it goes!" Rob said with excitement as he pulled his Mach 3 razor across his head. After a few minutes, he rinsed his head off and splashed on some aftershave, wincing before it cooled. I gave his head a long rub and left him to shower.

Half an hour later, I got ready to shower and to my surprise, the bathroom was clean. Not a stubble to be found. As the months went on, Rob continued to shave his head slick every morning leaving no mess, no fuss. He's even been getting on me about leaving my hair product around.

Karma came around to haunt me the next time I cut my hair. I forgot to switch the #00000 blade. As soon as I saw my mistake, I sighed then proceeded to take the rest off. My hair is dark, so even after the #00000 blade it looks like I have hair. After a few days of Rob nagging me to go 'all the way', I sat down and let him shave my head as slick as his. I wasn't so crazy about how it looked - very smooth, round and shiny. Rob started to rub and it one thing led to another.

That was six months ago, and since, every Saturday morning now, he shaves his head and mine. Other things happen too, but don't ask, don't tell.



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