Simon Days-Part IIb(for clipper lovers) by P.J.
Simon Says - Part IIb (for the clipper lovers)
Now, sit man, it's my turn with the clippers Simon said, smirking at me.
I flopped down on the old desk chair. Wow, I'd gotten so wrapped up in cutting Simons hair, I hadn't thought anything about how to get mine cut. Hmm, what do I tell Simon.
Before I had a chance to speak, Simon was putting the paper strip around my neck, and draping me in the cape with a flourish. Now then Jed, what are we doing with this mane? Simon said. He'd picked up the comb and was pulling it through my thick shag of hair, combing it all straight down, even my thick forelock. As he dragged the forelock down, I realized just how long my hair had grown. The thick heavy locks reached the tip of my nose. Mmmn, I love the texture of your hair Jed, Simon purred as he ran his hand through the thick plush locks. It looks like your friend used to give you a version of the classic short back and sides, am I right? Well, not quite exactly that, I replied, I like my bangs longer, and the back fuller than the traditional SB&S cut. He usually just tapered the bottom portion a bit and scissors cut the rest. Ah, yes, I see, Simon said as he continued to basically give me a gentle head massage, running his hands al through my hair. Sorry man, Simon said, but as I said, your hair feels incredible, it's so thick and full, and such a great shade of auburn. Thanks I replied, it's all in the genes I guess.
Simon combed it out again, and paused. Jed, he said, would you be O.K. with giving me free reign for your haircut today? I know this is our first time cutting each other's hair but...Free reign, I replied, what exactly do you mean by that. Well, kind of a barbers choice if you will, Simon said. Hmm, I thought, I know it's only hair, it'll grow back. But it's MY hair, I thought selfishly. I also remembered that only this morning I'd been resigned to cutting it myself for the first time. That could have been a recipe for disaster, resulting in a first in a long time trip to the barber shop, ugh. Well, I eventually replied, I might be, with a few restrictions. Hmm, Simon said, like what. Well I definitely do NOT want to leave here shaved bald, for starters. I also don't want to have some crazy cut like a Mohawk or anything like that. Simon laughed and replied, O.K., I'm down with those, anything else. Well, I don't particularly care for buzz cuts where it's the same length all over either, smacks of being lazy and cheap as far as I'm concerned. I don't like it clipped so short you can see skin through it either, no whitewalls, or shaved necklines way up high also. I'm a bit of a classic kind of guy, if you haven't guessed. Wow, anything else? Simon barked back, mock exasperatedly. I think I get you , Simon said, so, you still haven't answered me, if I take those restrictions into consideration, are you O.K. with a barbers choice? Um, sure, I guess so, I stammered.
Simon smiled and fluffed my locks a bit. O.K. thanks for trusting me, I guarantee you you'll look hot when I'm done. Are you a gotta watch type of guy, or a surprise me type, Simon inquired, as he was preparing the clippers. Huh, I replied, brows raised. Do you want to watch me cutting your hair, or can I turn you away from the mirror, that chair swivels. OH, I guess since it's a barbers choice, might as well turn me away from the mirror, I don't have any say in what you're going to do anyway, right.
Simon replied, well, if you wanted to watch, and you squawked loud enough about something I was doing, I wouldn't be a total dick, I'd stop and we'd discuss it. After all, this is a first time for both of us. You did O.K. with mine, he quipped, even if I got a bit hot about how short you were cutting it at first. He looked at his reflection in the mirror. By the way, I think you did a great job man. O.K. turn me away, I said back, I feel a bit better thinking that this isn't going to be a revenge cut for how I cut yours. Absolutely not man, you'll see, he said with a smile.
Simon rotated the chair 180 degrees, stood behind me, and I heard the click and hum of the new cordless Osters. I knew he at least had snapped a guard on, but didn't know which one. Do I get to at least ask questions while your cutting , I inquired. Well, yes, about anything but the cut, I don't want you guessing what it'll look like till I'm done. Nothing else is off limits though. Ugh, wow I replied, yikes!
Now, follow my instructions, and nobody gets hurt, O.K. he said, laughing again. He placed his left hand firmly on the top of my head, and gently but firmly pushed it way down. Oh, boy, I thought, this is going to be short.
I felt the clippers land on my neck and begin to slowly slide up the back of my head under the thick shank of wavy auburn locks. Up, Up, Up, all the way to my crown. Holy S**t! This was going to be short, I sighed. The first thick shank of wavy locks slowly slid free, making its way finally to my lap, thud!
With each successive pass up the back, this pile grew exponentially larger. The back of my head felt different now, cooler, lighter, I could feel the breeze from Simons clipper strokes up the back. He moved around slowly to the left side, clippering off everything on that side as he approached my face. I felt him in front of my ear with the clippers. He slowly brought them up, demolishing my soft bushy side burn. Yikes. Holy S**t, I exclaimed loudly. He stepped around to face me, smiling, what?, he inquired. Holy S**t that's a lot of hair, I replied, head gesturing to my lap. Why, yes, I guess it is, he smirked back. You just wait, he said, this is going to look fantastic. Not so sure about that I replied, never had it cut this short, even as a little kid, I shot back. He asked a couple of questions about childhood haircut experiences as he moved around to the right side, and proceeded to remove all the hair and my side burn on that side too. I couldn't tell how short it was exactly, but I knew it was VERY short.
Wow, Simon said, as he ran his hand up the back of my freshly sheared noggin. Looking good man! I now knew pretty much how much hair was left, VERY little, from the feel of his hand. Yikes! I was going to look like a geek! I wasn't at all sure about this haircut buddy thing anymore. All I wanted to do was survive this cut, at this point.
Simon clicked the clippers off. I heard him rifling through gear on the counter. Next thing I knew I felt the comb being pulled through my thick top locks and bangs. Now for this huge forelock, Simon said. He slid the shears in above my eye brows, it felt like they were at my hairline on my fore head. SNIP!, SNIP!, my thick forelock gently slid down my face, into my lap, as he snipped his was across my fore head. Oh, My, God!, Simon, Really, I thought this wasn't a revenge cut, I barked.
Jed, man, stay with me, it isn't really, I promise. I didn't say it wasn't going to be short, but this isn't a revenge cut, that's for sure. Well, what the F*&K man, I told you I didn't want a buzz cut, or a shaved head either man. There's practically nothing left on the sides and back man!. I'll admit, said Simon, it is very short compared to what it was when you came in, but be patient man, I'm not done yet, O.K. ?
He proceeded to pick up a hand full of thick long top locks with fingers and comb, fingers resting on my head, and cut them off almost at their roots it felt like. I groaned. Simon!. Shh, quiet, was all he said, patting me softly on the shoulder. He proceeded to cut all the hair on top very short with the shears. Thick heavy locks rained down onto the cape, anywhere from 5-8" locks. He made sure all the hair he was cutting landed in my lap, that was for sure. Now he was behind me, combing the short stubs up, snipping first across, then side to side, cross checking. O.K. I thought, at least it wasn't stubble up there too, yet. I had to admit, I was truly panic stricken. I knew I probably looked pasty white, I felt like I was going to be sick, or pass out, each time I dared glance down at the huge pile of hair in my lap. What the F*&k did I get myself into I lamented to myself. Now I could feel him working his way along the edges of the top, blending in the edges of the top to the freakishly short sides and back. More hair falling, only short little nubbins now. I sighed out loud. Almost done man, Simon said, giving my shoulder a little squeeze. Yeah, I replied, you don't have much of anything left to cut, so I guess you'll have to be done soon. Jed, man, I know it'll be a big change for you but, really man, you look hot, especially with those blazing green eyes, and I'm not done yet. They're blazing because it feels like your shaving all my hair off man.
Simon picked up the clippers again, sans guard, and did some edging and tapering around the bottom and around my ears. NO WHITE WALLS ! I barked, remember? Yeah, yeah, sheesh, I remember man, it's not that short, you'll see in a minute. Just doing a bit of clean up . This is a class establishment here man. We don't let you leave looking like some amateur hack went after you!. Simon Laughed. O.K. he said, finished! I'll leave the cape on you for the first reveal, in case you want me to take it shorter, he said smirking.
He spun the chair around to face the mirror. I sat and stared, stunned, mouth agape. The sides and back of my head had been clippered VERY short, probably with a #2 or #3 I'd guess. O.K. you couldn't see skin, or at least much skin, through the stubbly bristles. The top was cut very short too, probably no more than an inch long at the most, If I had to guess, and brushed straight up. It looked sort of like a blurry flat top, not quite spikes, but not flat either. And the blurry top was quite wide, and not pointy like a faux hawk, at least. It had a lot of texture too, despite being so short. I moved my head around taking in as much of the sides and back as the big mirror would allow.
Well, Simon said, what do you think man. I reached out and ran my hand up the back. Holy S**t, I said quietly. I then reached down and ran my hand through the huge pile of hair in my lap. YOU really think this looks hot, Simon! I could see his shoulders sag a bit. You don't, he replied quietly? Seriously!, was all I could eek out. I can still make it into a real flat top, or take it down more and give you a really short High and Tight, or a butch, if you want. NO! I don't want! I barked back, S**t, there's almost no hair left now man. For someone who thought my hair felt amazing to run their hands through, you certainly didn't leave much to do that with, now did you! Simon came up behind me and put his hands on my shoulders, Jed, I used a #2 on the sides, then tapered it down to maybe a #1 or zero, definitely not shaving anything. I have the top brushed up, choppy, about a fat finger width long, maybe two skinny ones, definitely not shaved. You know, you can also wear this brushed forward too, kind of like a Caesar style. Here, I'll show you, he picked up the comb and combed everything on top towards my face, then roughed it up a bit, see, he said. I now had maybe a half or three quarter inch long fringe of bangs. Yikes! And, yes, I did get a bit carried away, Simon said, and cut most of that amazing feeling hair off, sorry man. I got caught up remembering all the crazy short cuts my buddy used to ask for. I should have just asked what kind of cut you wanted, since it's the first time doing this together. I really am disappointed that you don't like it. I'll know better for next time though, O.K., Simon said with a hopeful tone in his voice.
I stared back at him, I guess you should have paid closer attention when I said I'm kind of a conservative guy. Does this look conservative to you, I quipped. I took a deep breath, I had to calm down, well, I said, it is only hair, it'll grow back. EVENTUALLY!, I lamented. You don't want it any shorter then, he asked, looking me in the eye. I looked at him sharply and barked, NO! I think this is short enough thank you! Simon slowly undid the cape and let the huge pile of my treasured locks slide to the floor. I stood up and leaned in to the big mirror, running my hand s through my short stubby bristles. Well, this won't require much maintenance , that's for sure. Jed, really, you don't like it? Simon asked again. I thought you'd be up for a change man, sorry. No, I really don't, at least right now, Simon. I guess I should have been more specific about what I liked and didn't like before we started, that's all, I replied. I think I've learned my lesson about barbers choice too, I said quietly.
Simon looked me in the eye. Listen, if you hate it that much, I'll sit back down and you can shave me down with no guard on, take revenge on me. How about that, Simon quipped, a concerned look across his face. I looked back at him, eyes still blazing. The only problem with doing that would be that I believe you'd actually like that, am I right?
Well, actually, yes, Simon said sheepishly. Then exactly how is that any kind of concession for you. Well, it isn't really, but you'd see that it'd look great on me. Just like this does on you.
You REALLY think this looks great Simon, REALLY? I asked sincerely. Yes, he replied, I do. You just need a bit to get used to it, wait till you're out in a bar, or someplace and you get the flirty looks man, you'll see, you're hot man.
This is going to take some serious getting used to, that's for sure. Let's get the evidence cleaned up I said, got a broom? I also said, don't forget to clean and oil the new clippers for next time , O.K.? Simon looked at me incredulously. Next time, you mean as pissed off as you are, you'd like there to be a next time? I sighed. Sure I said, I'd be glad to cut your hair again, any time man. Ah, Simon said, and what about me cutting yours, next time, I mean. Well, I said, glancing in the mirror again quickly, next time for me might be quite awhile, but yes, I'll just have to be very specific about you how you cut it, and no more barbers choice, that's for sure! Look Simon, yes, it sucks, I said, but it'll grow out, don't worry. Who knows, I might even grow to like it.
Jed, I promise no surprises next time man, I'm just happy to hear there'll be a next time. I'll get the gear put away, want to stay and have a beer and chat for a bit? I think I've misjudged you a bit, I'd like us to get to know each other better before there's a next time. Yeah, sure, I definitely need a beer after that, I said with a smirk!