Philipp and Cem: Bittersweet Revenge by GermanCut

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Cem and I have been living together for a short time. We have found a cheap apartment, which is actually too small for two people. While I cook or sit at the laptop, Cem usually paints some picture next to me. So, in our kitchen it smells of food and paint. Of course, we argue from time to time, for example when Cem spills everything with his paint. But we never get angry with each other for long. You must love each other very much to live together in a very small space, believe me!

Cem had come a little closer to his desire to study art. He had applied to the art academy and was waiting for an answer. He had been very tensed since then, and sometimes he talked hardly, sometimes he talked incredibly much. That's why I didn't worry at first when he came home from the barbershop one evening, slammed the door and threw himself on the bed without a word.

After some time I looked at him. Cem was lying on his back staring at the ceiling. I could see from his reddened eyes that he had been crying.
"Cem, what's up?" I asked.
"Oh," he said, "I met Sebastian, that asshole."
"Who is Sebastian?" I wanted to know.
"Actually, I don't care about him," Cem replied. "I went to vocational school with him. You know, he's that kind of guy who always gets everything he wants and succeeds in everything he sets his mind to. I didn't like him from the first moment, and he didn't like me either."
"And what happened earlier?" I insisted.
Cem pursed his lips. "I was locking the door of the barbershop when Sebastian tapped me on the shoulder. I can't stand it anyway and especially not when somebody does it as brashly as Sebastian does. 'Do you work here?' he asked me, as if it wasn't obvious! I as a real idiot told him that the shop belonged to my uncle."
Cem spoke Sebastian's words in an affected tone, "You've been lucky! It's good to have relatives with whom you can work, if you can't find any other jobs!"
"That's such an asshole!" I said when I saw Cem's eyes filled with tears again. "But Cem, you know that's not true! You started working for your uncle because he's a good barber and because you love him. You would have found a job almost anywhere. Sebastian knows neither you nor your story and just talks nonsense!"
"You're right, my dear, but please leave me alone for a moment," Cem said.

A little later he came into the kitchen.
"I almost forgot," he said and put two tickets on the table. "They're for tomorrow's trade fair. My uncle got them for us. I'm off tomorrow and should go with you, he said. Would you like to?"

The next day, Cem and I looked around at the fair. The focus was on craftsmanship, and we had just come out of a hall where it was particularly loud drills, circular saws and various other machines that make noise were presented there. In the next hall it was much quieter.
"Ah, I think there's something interesting!" said Cem and headed for a booth that obviously belonged to a French company.
Two barber chairs had been installed. Above them hung a large banner with the inscription "Boule AZ". A commercial film ran in a continuous loop.
"Boule AZ," a man's voice spoke as a close-up clipper made its way through a thick mane of hair.
"Boule AZ, for the perfect look.
Fast, uncomplicated, thorough like a wet shave.
Boule AZ. Hair clipper and foil razor in one.
Powerful motor. Durable blades. High battery power.
Boule AZ. For the special pleasure of a close shave.
Boule AZ. For the special pleasure of a smooth bald head.
Boule AZ. For your special shaved look!"
The film ended with a close-up of a smooth skull slowly caressed by a hand. Then it started again.

"Hm, I don't know," Cem said to me after we had watched attentively, "An electric razor is actually never as thorough as a wet shave. I can hardly imagine that this razor will make an exception."
I was about to say something when the commercial was interrupted and a guy spoke into a microphone, "Our Boule AZ keeps what we promise! A shave as close as with a razor! Here you can see the result of our Boule AZ!" The guy ran his hand over his head. It was shaved perfectly smooth.
"If you don't believe it, try it for yourself! We need one or two volunteers who want to experience the effect of Boule AZ! Don't be shy, guys!"

No one answered. I thought about it. For months I had shaved my head regularly, but for some time I had been wearing a neat buzzcut, which Cem regularly cut for me. I liked it, but to tell the truth, I missed my bald head.
Should I test the Boule AZ?
Cem said "Unfortunately I shaved my head this morning. I would have liked to test the effect of this razor. But you would have enough hair for that, my dear!"
I didn't answer him. I was still thinking.
"Oh no," Cem said, "there's Sebastian over there, that asshole, and he's coming right up to us!"

Sebastian approached with an unconcerned expression, a tall guy in light-colored cloth pants and jacket and with chin-length dark blond hair, which he wore in a surfer-like way. He looked like a model for upscale casual wear.
When he was only a few steps away from us, Sebastian looked at us, briefly moved the corners of his mouth up and said, "Hi."
"Hi, Sebastian!" Cem replied with a special broad grin. He used to reserve this broad grin for people he doesn't like. "May I introduce?" he said, still grinning, "That's my friend Philipp."
Sebastian shook my hand, raised his eyebrows and said, unintentionally imitating Cem's parody of his voice yesterday "I didn't think that it was possible! A barber's friend with an ordinary buzzcut! Did you give him the haircut in the kitchen, Cem, or were you allowed to use your uncle's shop for that?"
Cem abruptly stopped grinning and snorted audibly.
"It was just a joke!" said Sebastian, "But you all don't understand that. You all always feel provoked in the same way and pull out your knife."
With these words, Sebastian had finally outed himself as an asshole.
"Where do you work, Sebastian?" I asked quickly to change the subject.
He gave the name that everyone in town knew and then casually told him that his boss had sent him to the trade fair to look for the latest products. "Boule AZ. What is it?" he asked, looking at the banner.
"That's an electric razor that shaves as thoroughly as a razor, how they supposed," Cem answered, "Philipp is thinking about testing it. They're looking for volunteers right now."

"Which of you guys are going to test our Boule AZ?" the bald guy shouted into the crowd again. "Brave volunteers get our razors for free!"

An idea came to me.
Sebastian obviously didn't speak French, otherwise he would have known that "Boule AZ" could be translated as "cueball" or "bald head".
The advertising film that would have shown that the razor is used for headshaves was still not shown either.

"I would really like a fresh close shave," I said, stroking the stubbles on my chin, "What's about you, Sebastian? Besides, these razors are really expensive. I'm going to bring one for Cem's uncle and you'll have one for your boss. So what do you think about? Are we volunteering?"
"My boss could afford a complete set of equipment for the whole shop," said Sebastian. "But as special thanks for the appreciation he shows me, I could bring him a Boule AZ."
"Let's go!" I said and threw up my arm and pushed Sebastian slightly in the direction of the barber's chairs.
"Two brave lads!" shouted the bald guy. "We'll see in a moment the perfect shave of Boule AZ. Take a seat, please!"

The spectators applauded. Sebastian and I sat down, the cloaks were put on us.
"Ready?" the guy asked.
"Ready!" I answered for both of us with a big grin, looked at Sebastian and then at Cem, who looked at me with a startled face.
Two guys stepped behind us, each with a boule AZ, while a third guy held a camera in his hand that filmed us in close-up, which the audience could see on the wall where the commercial had been shown before.

The razors were switched on and hummed in a muffle tone. Synchronously, the two barbers brought the razor to our forehead and drew a line right through the middle.
With satisfaction I saw Sebastian's eyes wide open with shock.
My plan had succeeded. In the short time he had not suspected that not his beard but his head would be shaved.
I looked in Cem's direction and squinted one eye. Cem shook his head and seemed to laugh briefly.
In contrast to me, who enjoyed being shaved bald again, Sebastian sat there as if petrified. His long dark blond hair fell strand by strand on his cloak, while the spectators whistled with enthusiasm. I gave Sebastian a "thumbs up", but he didn't react.

I saw in close-up how thoroughly the Boule AZ shaved our heads. I saw the pores of our scalp without the slightest trace of stubble. Our skulls, which were becoming more and more like a cueball, would be flawlessly smooth.

"Guys, you were great!" the guy shouted into the microphone while our cloaks were taken off.
I stood up and threw up my arms in a theatrical victory pose. The audience applauded.
"This isn't your first bald shave, is it?" he asked me.
"No," I said, running my fingers over my head. I was amazed.
"Is the bald head as smooth as you wanted it to be?" he asked.
"Yes, I'm really surprised. Very thorough. Highly recommended!"
The guy now spoke to Sebastian, who was standing there with slumped shoulders and a tortured smile "For you, baldness is probably something new that you still have to get used to. Hey, that was really brave of you! And you look just as good as your buddy. You should both use our Boule AZ regularly! Here you have one! For free, as promised!"

I took the box with the Boule AZ, thanked him and went to Cem. But Sebastian was faster than me.
"I hate you both!" he yelled at us. "You both knew that! You both knew that I would have my beard shaved but nothing else. Now I'm bald. Thank you."
Sebastian looked down. With tears in his eyes?
"My beautiful hair," he said softly. Then he suddenly sobbed violently and threw himself on my chest.
Cem and I looked at each other embarrassed. To see Sebastian cry, neither of us had expected that.
I felt incredibly guilty.
I had taken something from a person that he was very proud of. His hair. I had humiliated him. I had hurt him deeply. I wanted to take revenge on him for his bad behavior towards Cem. But I had done something that should not be done to any person, not even to an enemy.
"I'm so sorry," I said, "I'm so sorry," and stroked his shoulders.

We stood there like this for a long time. A little away from the people, some of whom looked over at us.
"I'd like to undo it," I said. "But I can't conjure up your hair again, as much as I'd like to! I can only make you an offer of reconciliation, nothing else. And always tell you how sorry I am."
Cem and I led Sebastian, who was still sobbing, to a booth that had been set up by a southern German winery. I got three glasses of wine for us, for which I paid an astonishing amount of money. "Expensive reconciliation!" I whispered to Cem as I placed the glasses on the table in front of us.

We toasted each other and sipped our glasses in silence.
"Sebastian, I..." I began to speak, but Sebastian interrupted me.
"No, Philipp, I always behaved like an asshole towards Cem. I must be sorry!"
And then he said something that brought tears to my and Cem's eyes
"You stood by your friend and stood up for him. I don't have anyone who would do something like that for me."

We didn't say anything while Sebastian cried silently and the tears dripped onto the tabletop.
Cem put his arm around Sebastian. I touched his shoulder.

Then Cem gently stroked his head and said with the most beautiful smile in the world "You've lost your hair, but you still look better than Philipp and I together, even if you're bald!"
Sebastian made a sound that sounded like sniffling and laughing at the same time.
"We could open a club and call it 'The Three Cueballs'!" said Cem enthusiastically, and it sounded sincere. "Come on, let's have another wine!"
"But this time I'll pay!" said Sebastian, smiled and rubbed our bald heads.

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