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Spanish tidy up by Stillcropped
Eight years ago our family holiday was a month in a little farmhouse in rural southern Spain. I had been busy with business as I was to be away for a while and had not had my holiday haircut. At that time I normally wore a fairly conservative brush cut no4 back and sides and an inch on top, so as it had been about 6 weeks since my last barber visit I was sporting, for me, a full head of hair. Second day of the holiday we strolled the four or so miles to the nearest town the plan being to have some lunch get some shopping and then get a taxi home for a siesta. As we settled into a little cafe in the town square sipping a well earned cold drink the subject of my haircut came up and we decided to look around for a barber shop so that I could get a 'tidy up' before doing our shopping. My wife suggested that as it was so warm and we were to be here for a few weeks that I get a 'shorter than normal' haircut. I agreed and explained to her the various comb lengths and although it would be a major change for me we decided on a number 2 back and sides and a 4 on top. We finished our drinks and started our stroll around the town and after about 10 minutes we found an old fashioned looking hair salon and we went in, a pleasant smiling lady welcomed us and as there were no other customers started to guide my wife towards a vacant chair, as we stopped and pointed at my hair she looked puzzled but then showed me the chair as she combed my hair I. Pointed to my side and said 'dos por favour' at that she shook her head and made a noise like hair clippers and started saying 'no'. I realised that she didn't have clippers so said to her 'barber,hombre?' At this she smiled and escorted us outside and pointed to a little lane across the street showing is five fingers and a zero with her hands saying 'metres' We thanked her and followed her instructions finding what looked like a house but with the door open and a cardboard cut out of a giant pair of scissors in the window. As we entered we saw three barbers chairs two occupied with two small boys who were being clippered short by an elderly gentleman and a forty something female. There were 4 waiting chairs one of which was occupied by the boy's mother and we occupied 2of the others. The kady finished first and the smaller of the 2 boys was lifted out of the chair and ran to his mother who ruffled his short back and sides. As the barber dusted off her chair she looked towards the mum and rattled off a lengthy Spanish sentence the mother laughed and immediately her hand short into her own dark long locks and shook her head saying 'no, no' next she looked at my wife saying 'señora?' My wife shook her head and pointed at me at which point the barberette nodded her understanding and pointing to the male barber indicated that he would be cutting my hair. As he dusted off the little boy my wife asked if my hair would be as short at the back as the little boys , no I told her that looks like a number 1 mine will be twice that length. As he was uncapping the boy he said something to the female and she immediately indicated that I sit in her chair which I did and she threw a cape around me and a tight ribbon of tissue round my neck as she combed my hair I noticed the older barber lighting a cigarette and saying something to my wife who replied 'English, no Spanish' at that the barber nodded slowly and approached me taking the comb from the lady , I was immediately aware that he was going to make the most of the situation as he rattled off a series of questions at me in Spanish , all I could do was take my hand from below the cape and point at the clippers then at the side of my head and say 'dos,two por favor, then at the top of my head and Quattro four por favor' at my attempt at Spanish he smiled and using his hands as guides he cupped the sides of my head ' dos, si? Then the top Quattro si?' I nodded my approval next he drew his finger along the hairline at my neck and then with his hand a flat line I took it he meant block cut straight at my hairline and said 'si' and again he nodded and drew his finger square across my side-burn and smiled nodding . Then he began , firstly he took a pair of thinning scissors and comb, scissors, comb quickly cut great clumps of hair from all over my head and dropped most of them in my lap. Next he unhooked a giant set of clippers but instead of fitting a guide comb to them he simply placed the teeth directly on my hairline at my neck then worked his way along and up and behind each ear creating a fresh hairline about 1/4 inch into my hairline. This was confusing me as the haircut seemed to be going in reverse to the uk as next he ran some hot water and a tiny amount of soap onto a shaving brush and applied a fine line of the foam around my hairline, out came an open razor from his pocket and he strapped it several times along a thick leather strap hanging from the counter then a quick rinse under the tap and he pushed my head forward and I felt the and heard the blade scrape along my hairline at my neck and I could tell that it had exposed virgin skin , he then moved the razor behind both ears removing minute quantities of hair. Then he was at my right side he tilted my head as far back and to the left as he could then he folded my right ear down and applied the razor ,creating a high curve around my ear then I felt the razor being applied high on my temple and then being scraped down half an inch , when he released my head to move to the left side I could see that he had shaved my side-burn square and level with the top of my ear leaving white skin behind. After he had repeated the same procedure to the right side he further surprised me by producing a mirror and showing me the severely shaved in new hairline around my head asked 'OK?' It was terrible a half inch of white scalp all around my hairline and my sideburns shorn like a monk's bowl cut. Now confused I nodded my consent, but although thinned there was still a good covering of hair where he hadn't shaved. I glanced at my wife who put her hand to her mouth in surprise and I think to stifle a giggle. As he put the mirror down he picked up the clippers , then he spun the chair round so I was now facing my wife , the clippers roared into life and with his comb he pulled back the hair on top of my head and the clippers followed their path and my hair rained down , five or six passes over the top of my head and he switched them off and moved back to the counter I could now see my wife who had a look of shock on her face , before I could question her he was at my right side again tipping my head to the left and up. The clippers came to life and he ran them up the side of my head several times , more clumps of hair fell and I could feel the breeze from the clipper motor on my scalp. As he released his grip on me he spun the chair round so I was again facing the mirror and then it was me in shock, the top was cropped shorter than I had ever seen it even shorter than he had clippered the boys and the side was no more than rough sandpaper covering white scalp. I held up my hand to stop him and pointing to the scalped top of my head I said ' Quattro four?' ' si he replied and pointing at my shorn side said 'dos' and showed me the clippers with cutting teeth engraved 2mm. Before I could react he was holding the clippers on my hairline at my left ear and I could tell that he was somewhat annoyed as he seemed to dig the clippers deep into my scalp as he removed the little hair of any consequence left on my head . As he hung the clippers back on the hook he placed his head firmly on my shoulders and in a torrent of Spanish the only bits I understood were dos and Quattro which he repeated several times when he finished it was obvious he was waiting for an answer. I leaned to the side and called my wife over 'have you any idea what he is asking' her reply was 'it is absolutely awful your virtually shaved , but I think he is offering to to even it out , take the top the same as the sides ' What do you think? Was my reply her answer a sounded me ' it's so bad I think that is the least you should do or get it shaved completely ' with that I looked him in the mirror and nodded my consent. He unhooked the clippers and fitted another set of teeth to them then I watched as they entered at my forehead were pushed back and left a five-o-clock shadow behind.five minutes later I was uncapped and left my Spanish barber virtually bald.