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Golfing Buddies by Mike (recovered)
Golfing Buddies, (Originally in 22 Parts)
Luke, Dave, Scott and Mike knew the golf course pretty well. They were no match for the foursome from Chicago. The guys were real jerks, boasting about their handicaps and displaying their expensive golf clubs. One thing that Luke and Scott noticed was their hair. All of them had slightly longer hair, gelled back and hanging out from under their ball caps. All four of them. They all must go to some salon in Chicago. Luke with his flattop, Scott with his ivy league, Dave with his short taper cut and brushcut Mike privately made jokes about the girly-men before they hit the links. Scott suggested to his buddies that they should make a bet with the city slickers. Whichever foursome loses takes a trip down the road to Pete`s Barbershop for haircuts. Not just any haircut suggested Mike, headshaves! `We know this course like the back of our hands, they is no way they can beat us!` said Dave. `Let`s go make this bet`.
The four of them approached the others, dressed in their silky golf shirts, neatly pressed khakis and shiny golf shoes, and started to make small talk. The guys from Chicago were real snobs, practicing their swings and making jokes about the hicks that work at the course. Scott was getting pretty perturbed and yelled out `Hey if you think you are so hot, why don`t we make a bet on this round!` `Yeah, like any of you have any money to put up!`, said one of the Chicago guys. `This isn`t about money dude,` explained Luke, `it`s about losing something else.` Luke continued as the four guys stopped swinging and started listening, `the losing foursome has to go down to Pete`s Barbershop for haircuts.` `Haircuts?` said one of the guys. `You have got to be crazy!` `I`m not letting some old fart barber touch my hair!` Another of the guys yelled out `I just spent $75 at the salon to look this good!` `That`s what I expected to hear you guys say, you all are too wussy to take us up on the bet` said Mike. `I knew you wouldn`t be men enough to get your head shaved!` `Headshave! You just said haircuts!` said one of the guys. `Well, what does it matter, you aren`t interested in the bet anyway.` `One of the Chicago says `C`mon, we know we can beat these hicks, let`s go for it!` `Hang on` one of them said, and motioned for his friends to move over under a nearby tree to discuss it. `I knew they wouldn`t do it` said Luke. Just then the four guys came back and one of them said `You`re on farmboys!`. `Just to be clear, the losing foursome gets their heads shaved, lather and straight razor, all four guys, no backing out?` said one of the guys. `That`s exactly right` said Scott. `Let`s shake on it.` The eight of them then shook each other`s hands. `Team Slick against Team Hick,` exclaimed of the Chicago guys. `We`ll flip a coin to see who tees off first.` said Dave.
Team Slick was first to tee off. The course was relatively east, but got a little tricky on the back nine. Everyone shot about the same on the first couple of holes. Then Team Hick started slipping up, Luke missed an easy putt, Scott drove into the woods. Team Slick was feeling pretty confident. `Wait until we can tell this story back in Chicago` said one of them. `Yeah, and we get to watch the hicks being shorn just like the sheep they screw!` said another. This got Team Hick really steamed. `Let`s concentrate guys` said Dave. `We know we can do this!` They made up some strokes on the next 5 holes and Team Slick overshot some putts. Heading into the 18th hole the two teams were even. Hole 18 was a par 5 and had several sand traps and a small pond. Everyone hit good drives and everyone knew it was to going to come down to the putts. Team Slick took their last putt and it was up to Mike on Team Hick to make a 30 ft. putt to win the round. The tension in the air was palpable. `I can`t believe this man, I am NOT getting my hair cut` said one of them. `Don`t worry, if we lose, we`ll follow them to the barbershop and then just bail` said another. `Cool.` Mike readied for his putt, checking the dip in the green twice. He knew it was all his shoulders. It was deafly quite and all eyes were on the ball. Mike brough his putter back and hit the ball right on. The ball rolled to the hole, a little to the left, looking like it was going to make it and then creeped back and went right in. A perfect putt! The rest of Team Hick ran up to Mike and lifted him up in the air, yelling and screaming. Team Slick sat there stunned. One of them running his fingers through his hair in disbelief.
`Allright, quickly, here`s the plan, we offer our congratulations, pretend to make good on the bet, follow them to the barbershop, we pull in and as they are getting out of the car, we hightail out of there. `Got it?` `Got it!` they all said. Team Hick finished celebrating and headed over to the Chicago guys. `Good round guys, looks like we lost the bet.` `That`s right city boy, now it`s time to lose all of that pretty hair, all of you!` said Luke. `Let`s go, you can follow us to the Pete`s.`
They all started walking to their cars, and Dave pulled Mike aside. `Mike, pretend you need to get something back at the hole, and call you dad (sheriff) and see if he can meet us over at Pete`s. Tell him what`s going on and see if he and any of his boys want to join in on the fun.` Great idea, I know my pops will love to see this.` said Mike. `And tell him to call Pete and let him know we`re on the way.` Mike made the call and headed back to the parking lot, `We`re all set!`
Team Slick got in their Lexus and Team Hick in their Ram Quad-Cab. Luke leaned out the window and yelled out to them, `Make sure to follow us, we`ll be watching. It`s down Route 5 and right onto Main Street. Real easy.` `Got it,` said the driver. They all pulled out of the parking lot.
`We aren`t going through with this are we guys?` `No way, we`ll follow them and then bail. They probably think we`re stupid or something. We`ll show them just who is the stupid ones!` said of the guys. Everyone in the car laughed.
`OK, so my dad is going to wait until we pull down the alley towards the shop and park at the dead end. The Chicago jerks will pull in behind us thinking it a thru street. Then he`ll block the alley with his patrol car! No escape!` Mike tells everyone in the truck. `Excellent!` yells Scott. `And he`s bringing three of his officer trainees to help out!` `This is going to be great!`
Luke turns into the alley and the Lexus follows. `Crap, this is a dead end man!` yelled one the guys. `Back up and let`s get out of here before it`s too late!` As the driver put the car in reverse, the patrol car pulls up behind them, lights and sirens on. `What the...` The four guys froze as the four officers got out of the patrol car. `What do they want?` Everyone in the Lexus started to get nervous. `Dude, just explain you made the wrong turn and need to back out, we haven`t done anything wrong!` `I know, I know!` said the driver. Sheriff Delaney walked up to the Lexus and motioned to the driver to roll down the window. `Is there a problem sir?` said the city slicker. `No not at all son, me and my officers here just came down to watch the entertainment.` `You see, my son Mike over there told me about the bet you guys lost on the golf course.` `That`s why you gentlemen are here at Pete`s, right?` `Well sir, that was the plan, but we all decided that we can`t go through with the bet.` `Can`t go through with the bet,` asked Sheriff Delaney, `well why not?` `You all are here and Pete`s Barbershop is right there. He`s got everything we need.` `Well sir, we changed our minds, so if you just back out we can be on our way.` said the driver nervously. `You shook hands with the boys over there, right?` said Delaney. `Well...` Delaney cut him off. `Out of the car, all of you, now!` They reluctantly got out of the car. `Now listen here gentlemen, this is my town. We treat handshakes pretty seriously. So, we`re going to make sure that you all follow through with this and then you can go on your way back to the city.` explained Delaney. Meanwhile Luke, Dave, Scott and Mike had been in Pete`s and came out to see what was taking so long. Just as they walked up to the city slickers, Delaney and his boys were cuffing everyone up. `I told you boys not to mouth off!` Everyone headed across the alley and into the barbershop. All four of the city slickers were begging to be let go. `My father is an attorney in Chicago, you can`t do this!` yelled one of them, `You`re going to be in big trouble!` `Listen boy, the only trouble here is your and your friends big mouths!` They all entered the shop. Pete`s was straight of the 60`s. A row of six big barber chairs lined up one wall with waiting chairs lining the other wall. The shop smelled of hair tonic, talcum powder and cigarette smoke. Sheriff Delaney held one of the guys and his boys the others. `Allright men, let`s get these punks secured in a chair. Use the restraint techniques you learned last week. I`ll secure this guy.` barked Delaney. Pete the barber sat in a chair grinning, like he had�seen this before. Luke and the guys watched as well, as Mike`s dad took charge. It was loud in the shop as all of them continues to protest, yelling and screaming as they we`re being secured in the chairs. `Pete, got any duct tape, I`m tired of all of this yelling.` `Sure do.` said Pete. `Hey Mike, tape them traps shut so we can have some peace and quiet.` `Sure thing dad!`
One by one Mike taped the mouths of the four guys. A calm came over the shop. The guys stopped trying to get out of the restraints and their yells muffled. Pete still sat in the waiting chair, reading the newspaper. Luke and his buddies sat there too, only watching the unfolding drama in front of them. `This is going to be great!` said Dave. Delaney stood behind one chair, while the traineess behind the other three chairs. `Follow my lead men.` Delaney barked. `Yes sir!` they replied in unison. `Remove your hat!` he yelled. Each of his men, and himself, removed their Sheriff`s hats. Each of them revealing a shiny bald head. The four guys in the chairs were wide-eyed in disbelief. `Remove their baseball caps!` he then barked. `Turn your chair towards the mirror!` It was quite a sight. The four guys with their slicked back hair and the four bald officers standing behind them. `I want to make sure you all see what it`s like to lose a bet with my son!` The guys in the chairs were in shock. They knew now there was nothing any of them could do. The guy in the third chair started to cry. `Henderson, third chair!` `Yes sir!` `Grab a pair of scissors!` Yes sir!` You others face your chairs towards Henderson!` `Yes sir!` they replied again in unison. `Henderson, start chopping off that cry baby`s hair!` `Yes sir!`
Henderson went at the guys hair with great pleasure, hacking off giant clumps of gelled together hair and throwing it in his lap. `Now that`s something to cry about!` barked Delaney. `All chairs towards the mirror! he yelled. `Yes sir!` they all replied. `Everyone starting hacking away!` demanded Delaney. They all started hacking off hair just like Henderson. All four guys were now being butchered. The barbershop was silent, only the sounds of the scissors slicing through hair. Scott yelled out `Hey, Delaney, you ready for us now?` `Hang on.`
`Trainees stop cutting!` directed Delaney. The three trainees and Delaney stopping cutting and put down their scissors. `Looks like we`ve really messed up these haircuts for these fine city folk?` `Sure have` said Henderson. `Luke, Scott, Dave, Mike, why dontcha come on up here and fix these up for us` said Delaney. `Looks like we`re going to have to clipper them down nice and short to fix these messes` said Luke. Everyone nodded their heads. `Everyone grab the clippers and take off the guards` said Dave. `First one done gets free beer tonight!` exclaimed Scott. `1, 2, 3...GO!` yelled Mike. The barbershop now was filled with the sound of buzzing clippers. All four guys were being sheared completely bald. They were still all sitting there in great disbelief. The one guy had stopped crying and now looked pretty angry. `Finished!` yelled Dave. `I won!` `Aw man, I was so close!` said Luke. `Oh well, at least we fixed these haircuts for these guys.` said Mike.
`Looking good boys!` barked Delaney. `Hey Luke, was the bet for a buzzed headshave or lather and straight razor shave? asked Delaney. `Lather and straight razor!` answered Luke. `Allright then, Pete, you ready to shave these punks?` `Sure am` said Pete. `Well then, we`ll leave you to that, c`mon guys lets get that Lexus on the tow truck.` Everyone left the shop. Pete went to work on each of the four guys in the chairs. Lathering each of them up and scraping their scalps clean. One by one, and adding a little baby oil to their heads to make then shine. `Delaney likes shiny bald heads` Pete said to them. After about 45 minutes, everyone came back into the shop. `Well, well, well, are these guys looking sharp!` said Delaney. `Now they are city-slickers for another reason now!` joked Scott. `Slick bald! said Dave. Everyone roared with laughter. `Trainees, get these guys out of the chairs and get them loaded into the cruisers, keep them cuffed and their mouths taped!` demanded Delaney. `Yes sir!` they all replied. `Luke, you boys gonna follow us out to drop them off? asked Delaney. `Nah, I think we`re heading back for 9 holes before it gets dark` answered Luke. `Ok, see you tomorrow for dinner son.`
The cruisers and the tow truck drove out to the edge of town and stopped in a wooded area. They threw the newly bald out into the grass, unloaded the Lexus off the tow truck and got back in the cruisers. As they are pulling away Delaney tossed the keys to the cuffs out in the grass. `There you go boys, if you`re all so smart, you can probably figure out how to get yourselves uncuffed.` `And when you do, you`ll be able to feel your bald heads!` `And remember, don`t come back here, EVER!` `Unless of course you need another haircut!` Delaney let out a big laugh and drove away.