Shorn by Keepitshort

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When I finally took the decision to go 'all the way' and have a zero clipper cut all over there really was only one barber to go to. His shop was in a little town about 20 miles from where I lived and I had visited there on several occasions over the years when I was in the area. The shop was a throw-back to the 1950's wooden benches and barbers chairs , brylcreem posters and an array of shining silver scissors adorned the shelf in front of the mirrors. You couldn't see from the outside how busy the shop was but on opening the door he would be either sitting on the waiting bench reading a paper or if he was cutting he would automatically look to the door and no matter how many were waiting a nod of welcome and the standard 'Take a seat, your next' He was in his 70's and was a very typical no nonsense barber as you sat in the cutting chair the process was the same , a comment about the weather as the cape enveloped you, a quick comb through , then he rested his hands on your shoulders made eye contact through the mirror and gave you the choice ' Just a tidy up or something more?' A tidy up was then met with a quick explanation of what he was going to do along the lines of 'A bit off the sides and back , thin out the top enough to see you through the next month' or 'A half inch off all over enough to see you through the next month' These comments weren't for your approval more of him verbally announcing his next task.

I usually wore my hair no 3 back and sides and at a push a no4 on top but when I went to this barbershop my tidy up was usually met with 'Short back'n'sides a bit on top to play with enough to see you through the next month' Then the haircut began ,no more discussion whether it be clippers or scissors as he cut he kept up a continuous stream of conversation be it about sport, television, newspapers, politics, local gossip, he continued non-stop and all you could do was grunt or nod as he pushed your head around to whatever angle suited him once he was satisfied with his work that was it finish! No, is that OK for you it was always the same , neck brushed , cape released and a cheery 'There we go, ready for inspection' a brush across your shoulders as 'NEXT' was called you paid and left, in my case normally with the equivalent of a no2 sides and back, 3 on top and a straight razor shaved neckline and round my ears.

So when I finally plucked up the courage to get a full skinhead I headed for his shop as I entered on a Friday afternoon he was cutting the nod ''Take a seat, your next' There were three in front of me an elderly gentleman, a mother with a seven year old with a thick blond mop, and a teenager with hair about the same as mine no 4 back and sides and just long enough to comb back on top. In the chair was another youth getting a 'Tidy up' which was turning out like my own as he released the cape and dusted off the youth 'NEXT' was heard , nobody moved I was last so it wasn't me , the elderly gentlemen nudged the youth 'on you go son' the youth looked at his just shorn friend then stood up 'I'm only waiting on him and turned towards the door' At that the gentleman rose and made his way to the seat and then the ritual began Just a tidy up or something more?' 'Usual tidy up Tam'
'A bit off the sides and back , thin out the top enough to see you through the next month' And then the shop was filled with the clatter of scissors on comb the buzz of clippers and the drone of conversation. Five minutes later 'NEXT' As the boy made his way to the chair the barber put a thick cushion on it to raise him to the correct height, again as the cape was fastened the question was asked ' Just a tidy up or something more?' although he did direct it at the mother who approached the chair as she swept the boy's hair to one side she said 'Can he have quite a bit off the sides and back , but leave it longer on the top?' The barber simply nodded then as the mum returned to the bench he uttered the famous phrase 'Short back'n'sides, side part a bit to play with on top' The mother gave me a quizzical look as she sat down and whispered 'Do you think he understood I mean I want it shorter but stylish' before she could finish a pair of thinning shears were removing great clumps of blonde locks from her son's head. As the boy was too small to converse with,the barber was singing to himself and depositing piles of hair around the chair. As the Mother looked on she bit her lip as the barber swapped his thinning shears for 6 inch long scissors she watched as he made a side parting with his comb then combed the boys fringe straight down then with 3 snips it tumbled into his lap leaving a not too straight line of hair across the middle of his forehead. Scissor comb, scissor comb and minutes later the boy's hair was reduced to a uniform 1.5 inches long with a side parting. Then out came the clippers a low hum filled the shop and then the rasp against the comb he worked from the back first to the right then to the left clipping the hair up to the crown and well over his ears and his hair was tapered down to shaved at the neckline. I looked at the mother who was by now very agitated , but the boy was making little fuss . Finally a blob of brylcreem was rubbed into the boys hair and the parting was combed over into a perfect 1950's style short back'n'sides.

As he helped the boy down the familiar 'NEXT' as I stood up the boy gave his mother a huge grin as the barber announced There we go, ready for inspection' The Mother announced 'It's em very nice, short but very nice' As I sat down my heart was pounding , would I go through with it? The cape fluttered landed , was being secured , the cursory comb through , hands on my shoulders, eyes meeting in the mirror ' Just a tidy up or something more?' 'Ehmm I'd like to ehmm go short, ehmm well ehmm shaved really' There I'd done it. He looked at me but said nothing but the look said it all he raised his eyebrows in a 'go on' expression. I took a deep breath 'Clipper head shave please, all over, short as possible' He gave a nod and then muttered ' clippered down to the nub, that'll see you through a couple of months' and he gave me a half grin in the mirror he ran his comb through the top of my head and his fingers through the back and sides. I watched transfixed as he picked up the clippers and approached the back of my head, he started giving his opinion on the national football team as I bent my head forward, his left hand pushing my chin to my chest ,then the warm clippers on my neck the buzz changing to a rasp as they met and removed my hair, he ran them several times from nape to crown before he released his grip. I raised my head and tried to twist it round to see how short he had taken me, he scowled at me and pulled my head back holding it in position with his left hand ,the buzzing clippers were positioned at my forehead and he pushed them right back, my mouth dropped open as I stared at my scalp appearing beneath a fine shadow of hair, three more times the clippers were ran over the top of my head before he released his grip all the time talking about football tactics. I had done it my scalp was left with a fine covering of dark stubble and now he tilted my head to the left as he positioned the clippers in front of my right ear and then ran them straight up shearing all the hair off until they met the cropped top. As he turned his commentary to local politics the left side was sheared and I was amazed at how close the clippers had taken me, my scalp clearly showing through the thin covering of bristle which was left on my head. He must have noticed the look of shock on my face as he stated 'These don't take no prisoners but don't worry I'll soon have it evened up.' he then turned away from me and I saw him select another cutting head and fixed to the clippers as he turned towards me I spoke out "Ehm I think that it's ehm short enough thanks, I'll just keep it like this" His eyebrows furrowed and he slowly shook his head "Can't do that son. You asked me to clipper you short as possible and that's what you'll leave with, if I let you go just now everyone would think I only gave you half a haircut. Now lower your head and I'll even up the back I'll have you done in a couple of minutes" I had a decision to make I could get up and leave with ,what I could now see, a slightly patchy skinhead or let him finish. I swallowed hard and stuttered "Just do it!" The clippers thumped into life and my chin was pushed to my chest I felt the machine touch my neck then he held it tight to my skin and forced the machine firmly up the back of my head time and time again the metal growing warmer with each stroke. I felt his fingers run up the back of my head and him mutter "that's more like it" I watched as he positioned the clippers at my forehead then firmly push them straight back to the crown of my head, now I could see they were shaving me virtually bald leaving only a five o clock shadow behind. Time and time again he ran the clippers across my scalp shaving every hair to the follicle, he was now attacking the sides digging the clippers tight to my scalp while pushing my head with his other hand towards the teeth of the clippers making sure they cropped me as close as possible. At last he turned them off and roughly rubbed my head stating "that's more like it, just edge you now and we're done" he pulled an open razor from his top pocket and again my head was pushed down and the razor scraped along my neckline, then he pushed my head to the left and shaved a high arc around my right ear almost half an inch into my natural hairline my scalp a waxy white being left in the razor's wake. The arc was formed into a laser straight line at the top of my ear with everything below shaved smooth, the left side got the same treatment and then he declared "There we go you won't get it closer than that unless you want me to use this?" and he flourished the razor , I slowly shook my head and felt for the first time my sandpaper like scalp. I truly had been sheared as "short as possible".

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