The Haircut Story Site

Should I have asked for more? by Ian / Sean Barnet

SHOULD I HAVE ASKED FOR MORE?

BY IAN - improved slightly by Sean Barnet (well I think so anyway).

I have always had a thing about having my haircut.

I was about 50 at the time, and I had seen this old barber shop I wanted to try. I had just finished work, so I got in the car and drove there, and I parked near the shop.

I walked in feeling nervous. I opened the door there and was no one in there apart from the barber, so I sat in the chair and the barber put the cape on, and then he walked over to the door, put the closed sign on, and bolted it. He picked up a comb and started to comb my hair, and he asked me what I wanted?

"Short back and sides, please."

He started with a long attachment, working his way down to the shortest one as he did the sides. I could feeling him touching me, and I noticed a bulge in his trousers.

When he finished doing my hair he picked up a mirror to show me the back, it was short but whish it was a lot shorter. He then asked me if I needed anything else?

I said "No, that's fine thanks."

I walked back to my car, but on the way home I kept on wondering if I should have asked for something else, and what would have happened?

THE END

Comments
I hope this is easier to read than the original.

Ian's narrative contains the germ of a good story, but it needs expansion.

My own stories generally start of like this - the bare bones of a story. But then, having imagined myself into the situation, I describe the protagonist's feelings, what led up to the incident and what came of it afterwards. For instance, Ian's first sentence "I have always had a thing about having my haircut" which I have left simply standing on its own, I would elaborate into a paragraph, or several paragraphs, about his history and emotional relationship with haircuts.

Maybe Ian, or someone else, would like to try running with the original idea and making a full story out of it?
by Sean Barnet on 25 Oct 2020