Speeding in rural America by Jason

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Brad and Kent decided they wanted to see for themselves how rural America looked. Having lived in Receda all their lives,
they have hear alot about rural America but never experienced it. So, the planned to take a flight to Indiana and begin
their adventure there. They had arranged for a rental jeep and were anxious to begin exploring.

Their flight arrived at 8pm Friday night. They picked up the jeep at the airport and decided they'd check in at the hotel
to get some sleep before their big day Saturday. The hotel they chose was near the airport and were anxious to get
checked-in. They decided to get a double seeing little need to pay for separate rooms.
Both were quite tired from their flight, so they took a quick shower and went to sleep.

The clock buzzed at 5am. They packed up and got ready for their adventure. Brad had researched a route to take thru some
rural towns and pulled up the first on the GPS. Off they went.

A few hours had passed when they drove thru a quaint town that looked welcoming. Kent commented that it really did not look
all that different from towns he'd seen elsewhere. The same Big Box Stores and pedestrian restaurants.

"Don't worry bro. After we pass thru this town and the next, I hear we'll see some definite rural America small towns.

A few more hours passed as they drove thru other similar towns. Kent was beginning to notice the vibe change. Pedestrian stores were
less frequently seen, given way to more Mom & Pop stores with names he's never heard of. After traveling a few more miles, Kent
saw his first "Feed Store' and a sign reading "Acer Ridge, 10 miles", followed by a deer crossing sign and a speed limit sing that read "45".
From the road, he could see what appeared to be farms in the distance.

"Getting to be rural enough for ya Kent?" Brad said jokingly.

Brad turned on the radio and searched thru that stations. Station after station they heard "jesus this" and "jesus that". Finally,
he hit a station playing Boston.

"Oh yea Kent. This fits the bill right there." He turned up the volume and began to sing along "A man I'll never be. Wa - wa wa - wa wa wa".
Soon Kent got in on the tune. The wind was blowing thru their California surfer dude hair as they sang together.

"You look up at me" was interrupted by blaring sirens from behind.

Brad turned off the radio and looked in the mirror.

"Oh sh#t!" he exclaimed. He looked down and saw the speed reading 60 mph.

"Oh sh#t!" he repeated.

He pulled off to the shoulder.

He saw an officer exit his cruiser and approach.

Along side the drivers' side he saw this tall figure.

He glance to his left. The first thing he saw was his reflection staring back at him from the silver mirror sunglasses the figure wore.
They rested below a hat of dark tan with gold piping. On the front was emblazon what looked like a shield with the words "Acer Ridge Police".
The officer remove his sunglasses to reveal piercing eyes that made two laser beam focus points. The officer was in his 50s and smelled of
Aqua Velva. For a moment Brad thought he saw this image before. Maybe from a movie. Then he remembered - a Marine Drill Sargent.

"Do you know why I pulled you over?" he sternly and officially said.

"Uh, no not really" Brad sheepishly replied.

"You were going over 60 in a 45." he said with disdain. "License and registration."

Brad fumbled thru his wallet and presented his license and the car rental agreement form.

He gruffly examined both.

"And your friend here. License please."

"I wasn't driving" Kent blurted.

"Oh jeez", Brad thought. "I could punch you in the mouth" was all that could enter Brad's mind, but he restrained himself knowing the
nature of the situation at hand.

"I said, license smart ass", the officer barked.

Kent complied.

"You two just wait here. Turn off the car." the officer demanded.

He returned to his cruiser.

Brad gave Kent a look that could have punched him in the mouth. "What were you thinking dude? Here we are in Mayberry and you give Barney an attitude."
Brad said to Kent.

Minutes passed and Brad could see the officer returning.

"Seems you fellas are in luck today. Normally I'd arrest you and you'd spend the weekend in jail until Monday when you'd see Judge Harlow. Well,
it just so happens Judge Harlow is in his chambers today and he said it would be OK if we stop by and take care of this ticket today.

The officer presented the ticket to Brad.

"But officer, can't we just mail the ticket fine? We kind of have a big day ahead of us." Brad pleaded.

The officer looked annoyed. "We can do this 2 ways son. I arrest you and your friend, and the two of you spend the weekend in jail, or we go now to Judge Harlow. Your choice.
Your lucky I'm giving you a choice. So, what will it be?"

"I see your point. Can we follow you to the Judge?" Brad inquired.

"That's not how this works son. I have a tow on the way. Your under arrest and I'll be transporting you to the judge. Is that acceptable Brad?" the officer
said with a smirk.

Brad could see the tow pulling up behind.

"Step out of the car Brad. You too Kent." ordered the officer.

He cuffed both and placed them in the back of the cruiser, and they headed into town.

The Officer started up conversation. "Yes sir ree boys, it's your lucky day. Fortunate I pulled you over early in the day so we could get this all worked out
today. Yes sir ree. Frank won't be at all busy at this hour, so we'll have plenty of time before we see Judge Harlow. Yes sir ree. You boys are lucky?"

"Frank's?" Brad said. "I thought we were going to see Judge Harlow to take care of the ticket.

"We are Brad, but first we have to stop at Frank's. Judge Harlow keeps a ship-shape court don't ya know. I have a couple spare neckties for you at the station,
but I'm afraid my barbering skills are a bit on the rusty side."

"Barbering skills?" Brad said as he looked to Kent.

"Well, you don't want to appear before Judge Harlow with hair like that do ya? Trust me. You don't." the officer said.

"Um, can't we just see the judge and pay the fine and be done with it?" Kent spoke up.

"Look smart ass, I'm in a good mood today so don't wreck it. I'd normally book you into jail and have you see the jail barber. All jail 'guests' get
mandatory military regulation inductee haircuts on intake. In other words, crewcuts. So, like I say, you have a choice - go to jail or see Judge Harlow today.
Decide now. I don't have time for this."

Brad quickly said "We'd like to see Judge Harlow today sir."

"Good decision Brad." the officer said. "OK with you Kent?"

"Yea, whatever." Kent said as if he was back in 'the valley'.

"I don't think I heard that right Kent" the officer sais annoyed.

Brad gave Kent that look again.

"I meant, that would be acceptable sir" Kent corrected his statement.

The cruiser pulled up in front of 'Frank's All American Barbershop'.

"Ok Brad and Kent, here we are." The officer got out, helped Brad and Kent out and removed the cuffs.

He pointed to the shop door. "After you gentlemen."

Brad entered first, then Kent followed by the officer.

"Hey Frank!" said the officer.

"Well, well, well. What have we got here?" the barber said.

"Two speeders from California. We're on our way to see Judge Harlow. Brad and Kent here have asked to stop by so they could get cleaned up before
we see the Judge. Can you help us out?"

"Of course, but I don't do fancy cuts. Just regular men's haircuts" the barber said.

"That's exactly what they want Frank. And you know Judge Harlow. The last thing these boys want is to meet the Judge with hair like this." the officer joked.

"Yea, knowing Judge Harlow, that's for sure." the barber smiled. "Ok boys, who'll be first?"

"I think Kent here wants to be first, don't ya Kent" the officer said.

Brad looked to Kent and gave him that look again.

"Yes sir, if that's OK?" Kent said.

"Well then, have a seat Kent." the barber patted the back of the char and brushed off the seat.

Kent slowly moved to the chair. "What am I doing?" he thought. He sat down. Frank wrapped a tissue around his neck and then draped the white & blue
stripped barber cape around him. The look of shear terror filled Kent's face.

"Oh, just a minute Frank. I forgot. These boys are technically under arrest. Is it OK if I cuff him to the chair. Just a formality really, but if I don't
I could be in big trouble if either of these fugitives from justice were to escape." the officer joked.

The officer cuffed Kent's wrist to the arm of the barber chair. He patty Kent on the shoulder. "There ya go Kent. Hope it's not too tight" he said.
"OK, Frank. He's all yours."

Frank spun the chair around so Kent could see what was happening in the mirror. He pulled out a comb and combed down Kent's hair. It was quite long.
It reached his nose in front, fell to the shoulder in back, and was to the tip of his jaw
on the sides.

Frank grabbed the Oster 76 clippers off their hook. Without a further word, the sound of the clippers permeated the shop. No directions were given to the barber.
Kent just sat there cuffed to the chair worried what would come next. Kent found his head being pushed down.

The barber used the comb to raise the hair in back, and ran the clippers across severing off the hair that had extended beyond the comb.
He could see his reflection in the mirror ahead and saw the barber working ferociously behind him even though his head had been thrust down.
He could see the barber tossing clump by clump of hair off the comb as the clippers were passed over them as he moved up the back.
The clumps of hair would collect on his shoulder and then fall down the cape to collect in his lap.

He took the comb and held up the large section that covered Kent's ear on the left side. He passed the clippers along the comb severing off the hair
that extended beyond it. Kent's ear could now easily be seen. Frank continued to lift sections of hair on the side and do the same clippering action. He performed
the same operation on the other side.

The roar of the Oster clippers stopped. Frank had picked up a smaller clippers and powered them up. They had a much quieter buzz sound - more of a hum
really. He used these clippers to outline around the ears, down the neck and clean up the back. Kent looked so different. A different man.

Frank then put the clippers back on their hook, and took out a pair of shears. He again would grab sections of hair with the comb and used the shears
to trim off smaller sections that extended beyond the comb. He did this on the back, and on the sides repeatedly. Starting low and working his way up.

Frank then picked up thinning shears and thrust them into Kent's hair. On the side, in the back, and on the top. Mounds of hair could be seen being
taken off as the shears were thrust in and Frank would comb out the wod of hair.

Then the chopping stopped. Frank combed Kent's hair down again. The fring was still down to his nose. Frank reached for the regular sheers and very
purposefully, cut the fringe at a severe angle. One side of Kent's bangs reached the eye browse, the other side was about an inch higher.

Frank combed down his hair again, checking for any stray hairs and dispatched them with the sheers.

He then combed and recombed his hair slowly, looking at the side very carefully as he did. He then made a line with the comb on the side. From this line,
he very carefully combed the hair up over the top away from the line, then the hair down on the other side of the line. He'd wet the comb with water and
do this again until a very straight pronounce side part could be seen. The fringe was combed up and over. The angled cut of the fringe that had been made earlier, made the
'flip' look very pronounced.

Frank stepped back to check out his work.

He loosened the cape and put a paper town at the shoulder and tucked the other side down the back of Kent's shirt.

Warm shaving cream was spread on his neck, around the ears, and at the sideburns. Frank took a straight razor to the neck, meticulously shaved around the ears,
and shaved the sideburns so they were just mid ear - much shorter than Kent had before.

Frank removed the remaining cream and applied aftershave.

The cape was then removed.

"There you go Kent. A regular haircut. You should impress Judge Harlow now."

The officer stepped forward and removed the cuff from Kent's wrist.

Kent stepped down from the chair and looked back at his reflection in the mirror.

"You're up Brad" the officer said.

With that, Brad stepped up and sat in the chair. The officer cuffed him to the chair.

"OK, Frank. He's all yours". said the officer.


30 minutes later, Brad and Kent left with the officer. Each were sporting the same haircut.

The officer said "If you two give me your word and not try anything stupid, I won't cuff you."

With that, Brad, Kent and the officer headed to see Judge Harlow.

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