It All Started with An HVAC Check by Deke Cutter

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Jerry arrived home from work and was a little annoyed to see the HVAC guy’s truck in front of the house. His wife Geri (yes, it’s too cutesy for words, but you don’t think of that when you fall in love) had said she had changed the appointment to the afternoon, but he had figured the guy would be gone by now. "Geri! I’m home"

"We’re in here, honey, Bob was just going over his checklist with me." In the open plan kitchen Jerry found his wife sitting at the breakfast bar, staring dreamily at Bob Engels, the guy who had been taking care of their heating and air conditioning system since they moved into the house 5 years ago. He and Bob had gone to high school together 12 years ago. Bob had gone to community college and then went into business with his father. Bob kept himself in good shape and was a decent guy who only did ‘house calls for special customers like Jerry and Geri, but Geri’s interest in Bob was getting Jerry’s dander up today.

Keeping his voice level, Jerry asked, "Any problems Bob?"

"Not at all, Jerry. I was just telling your wife that you folks were one of the few that seem to take seriously all of our recommendations on regular changes of filters. Let me just go out to my truck and write this up and I’ll be out of your way."

Once Bob had closed the front door, Geri turned to her husband and gave him a perfunctory hug and peck on the cheek. "I just love his haircut," Gerri said, "I can’t take my eyes off it. Do they call that an ivy league? It is so masculine and clean cut looking. It’s all I can do to not rub my hands on those bristles." Then she looked at Jerry and said, "oh, sorry honey, your mullet is nice too. It’s just, there is something about a tight haircut."

Before Jerry could reply, Bob came back into the house with his IPad and showed it to Jerry, asking him to sign off on the service check that was covered by the service contract they had taken out with Bob. "Bob, my wife was just commenting on your haircut. That’s pretty much the same Ivy you had back in high school, isn’t it?" Jerry asked this thinking he might embarrass Gerri by doing so.

Bob got a huge smile on his face and rubbed his big right hand up and down the closely cropped side of his head. "How funny that you should say that, Jerry. It is pretty much the same, though Nick sold the shop to his nephew Alfonso who cuts it with a little more style. I noticed that you’ve really let your hair get long in the past year. You thinking of going back to the crewcut you got when you were the school’s cross-country star our senior year? Why don’t you come with me, I’m headed over there now for my biweekly trim."

"Well, er, um, I would love that, but (lightbulb appears over Jerry’s head) I’m in the middle of a big negotiation and I can’t change my appearance in the middle."

"No problem, buddy, we all have our constraints."

Gerri, with a diabolic smile says, "Bob, can you hold off your ‘trim’ until the weekend? I’m sure Jerry could join you then"

"No problem, I’ll swing by and pick you up at 8:30 so we can be there before the crowd Jerry. Well, I better run, gotta let Al know I won’t be in today and tell my wife I’ll be early getting home. "

"WTF, Gerri!? Now what am I going to do?"

Gerri, put her arms around her husband and gently started to kiss his faced and moved to his mouth. After a long passionate kiss, she disengaged her lips and tongue briefly and said, you’ll go with Bob and make your wife a very happy woman. You look so much better with short hair, and it turns me on so much. You’ll do this for me won’t you baby?"

"Oh alright, but if I hate it, I’m going to be miserable."

"Oh I will make it so worth your while."

The next day, Gerri had her regular lunch with her two closest friends. Jerri, Jill and Jeanne had been friends for years. They were all married to men who were also friends. The three husbands, like their wives, were around 30 years old and were doing well in their jobs. The women would meet periodically for lunch, "I’ve finally convinced my Jerry to get rid of that ridiculous mullet he’s had for over a year now. He looked so much more masculine when his hair was shorter. I blame the movie stars and jocks who have gone all shaggy in the last couple of years. You know how men are. They all think that they look like some superstar."

Jeanne added her opinion, "at least Jerry gets his hair styled by a professional. Joe started cutting his own hair during the pandemic and no matter how gently I try to let him know, he is not good at doing it. He doesn’t get the hint. The buzz cut during covid was one thing, but now that he’s grown his hair out, it’s a disaster. I’d love to get him to a barber who would give him a good tight taper cut like that dishy waiter has."

"Girl, you are so right," chimed in Jill. I really thought Drew was finally going to get rid of that da*ned ponytail when he got chosen for that leadership program at work. But then they postponed it because most of the employees were working from home, and it’s taken them until now to get them back into the office. Now Drew is saying he wants to keep his hair long. I’m not blaming Jerry, but Drew does point to him as an example of a successful long-haired guy."

"Honey, Drew is sort of mixing apples with oranges, isn’t he? I mean Jerry manages artists and musicians, he doesn’t have anybody above him who could look down at the way he dresses or wears his hair. I thought that Drew had said that he had to moderate his look if he wanted to go from staff to management."

"That is what his thinking was but now I think he feels like he needs to show how independent he is. It is not the right way to go in my opinion. But we’ve got off track, how on earth did you get Jerry to get rid of the mullet?

Gerri then told "the girls" the story of how she tricked her husband, with the inadvertent help of his old high school friend Bob, to agree to a short haircut at a barber shop on Saturday morning. You mean Bobby Engels from Engels Family Heating and Air Conditioning," Jeanne asked.

"Yes, "replied Gerri. "I was so taken with his haircut that my Jerry thought I was hot for Bobby."

"Well, you know, all three of the guys know him. Joe and Jerry were in school with him and even though Drew was at Saint Anthony’s, they all played in the same summer little league programs growing up. In fact, at one point Drew and Bob were both being recruited for athletic scholarships by two of the same schools. But in the end, Bob decided he could save a lot of time and money by going the community college route. Otherwise, all four guys would probably have ended up at college together and Bob’s wife Barbara would probably be here with us today. Gerri, you know Barbara, don’t you? She’s the nurse at our doctor’s office."

"Oh my gosh, of course, she is so sweet."

Jeanne had been sitting listening. "This could be a way for me to Joe into the barbershop. I just have to get him down to that barbershop on Saturday morning. Jill, what if we tell the boys that the four of us are having breakfast at the café across the street from the barbershop? If we just happen to be there and notice Bob and Jerry getting haircuts, maybe I can convince him to get his cut too."

"It’s worth a try," Jill said, it might even give Drew some food for thought."

"Oh, I hate to miss this, I had never considered being there," Gerri said, "I wonder if I could get Barbara to meet me for breakfast while the boys are getting their haircuts. Do you think Joe would ‘sus’ that something was up, if he saw us in there when you all arrived?"

"What if you arrange for you and Jerry to have breakfast with Barbara and Bob after the guys get their haircuts", Jeanne suggested. Then Jill and I can say we thought it would be fun if we all had breakfast together. When we arrive, we can send Joe and Drew over to check on the other two guys."

"Nothing ventured, nothing gained," said Jill. I expect Drew is going to take more coaxing, but you never know."

The determined women put their plans into action. Meanwhile, Jerry was mounting a rearguard action on the Homefront to try to convince his wife that a return to a crewcut was not a good idea. "Hon, look at these old pictures of me; do you really want me to go back to this look?" He had pulled together several high school era photos of himself with his crewcuts.

"Silly, I don’t want you to be that scrawny kid again, but yes, I can’t wait to rub my hands on those bristles on Saturday. But I don’t care if you go for that same crewcut or a cut more like Bob’s, as long as it’s nice and tight."

Jerry tried another tactic. "I’ll stick out like a sore thumb, though when we’re with our friends. Neither Joe nor Drew have short haircuts and I don’t think I’ve seen too many short haircuts around town.

"I have two things to say to that, we should spend more time with Bob and Barbara and once you have a short haircut, you will be surprised at how many more shorthaired men you start to see in your life. Who knows, you may even be a trend setter."

Knowing defeat when he saw it, Jerry accepted his fate and waited with trepidation for Saturday morning to come. Meanwhile, Gerri had arranged to drive Jerry to the barber’s and meet Barbara for coffee while they waited "for the boys." Jeanne and Jill had convinced their husbands that an early start on Saturday for breakfast at that cute café on Main Street with "the Jerries," as they referred to their friends. Neither woman mentioned Bob and Barbara Engels until the four were in Jeanne and Joe’s car. Jill casually said, "oh, I’ve been meaning to say, Gerri invited Bob and Barbara Engels to join us. We all know each other from one place or another, so I figured it wouldn’t be a problem." She said this, just as Joe was pulling into a parking spot, just around the corner from the café entrance.

"The Engels?" Joe seemed a bit surprised. I didn’t know that those four socialized."

Jill then started the real agenda of the morning rolling. "They’ve gotten reacquainted recently, I guess. In fact, the whole idea of breakfast came up when the girls thought it would be fun to meet Bob and Jerry down here after the guys got their haircuts across the street. Apparently, seeing Bob looking so youthful with the same haircut he had in high school made Jerry decide he is going for a short haircut too! Oh, I see the girls have already arrived in the café. Why don’t you two go over and check how long the guys will be. And give us some time for girl talk before breakfast."

"Good morning, ladies," Jenn said to Gerri and Barbara, as she and Jill breezed into the café. "We’ve sent Joe and Drew over to the barber shop to check on your guys, and (hopefully) one or both of them will decide to get their mops cut too."

"I’ve just told Barb the whole story of how I managed to convince my Jerry to go for a big change this morning with Bob. Let’s not get our hopes up on your guys, just yet," said Gerri.

"Gerri you really are incorrigible, Bobby and I had a great laugh about it when he got home from doing your system check and told me how you reeled your husband in. I’ve never had a problem with Bobby keeping his hair short. It helped him a lot when his dad made it clear that he was a full partner in the business. And I think he looks sexy as "aitch e double hockey sticks," sorry docs and nurses swear like sailors and we have a ‘Smutty Mouth Box’ at work, so we all use silly terms like that to avoid having to contribute the 50 cents."

At the barber shop, Bob’s biweekly cleanup was just being completed when Joe and Drew entered the shop. "Good morning gentlemen, take a seat, you two are next after Jerry here, he pointed to Jerry who occupied one of the client chairs along the wall.

Jerry who had been so busy studying how much hair Bob was losing hadn’t even noticed his friends enter the shop. "Drew, Joe, what the heck are you two doing here. I thought we were meeting later."

Before either of his friends could answer, Bob was out of the barber chair and playfully grabbing Jerry’s arm. "Come on big guy, you’re up. It looks like Al’s got a busy morning ahead if he’s going to be making all three of you look as handsome and clean-cut as I do."

Jerry, a savvy businessman who worked with musicians, artists, and actors, had a real sense of how to turn a situation to his advantage. He had noticed a look of concern in Joe’s expression and fear in Drew’s when Al and Bob each implied that the newcomers were there for haircuts. So, he hopped out of the chair and said, "yes, let’s get started, I can’t wait to see Gerri’s face when I enter that diner without this mop. I can’t decide Al, should I go with the laydown crew cut I had back in the day, or maybe I should just go with the same cut as Bob has. I’ll leave it up to you. Guys, if you haven’t decided what cuts you’re getting, check out the charts on the wall, Al can do any one of them."

"We didn’t really come in for haircuts" Joe said. "Our wives just wanted to get us out of the way so the girls could have some time to talk." While this conversation was happening, Al had caped up Jerry and had begun the process of stripping away the bulk of his long hair with the same Number 2 guard that he had used on the sides and back of Bob’s head.

Bob, who clearly was attuned to what Jerry had in mind, replied to Joe and Drew, "oh hey guys, I didn’t mean to pressure you fellows if you boys aren’t here for a good clean up. There’s nothing wrong with a home haircut, especially if times are tough. And if a guy is in touch with his feminine side and likes to pamper his long, elegant hair, that’s ok." He then turned to look at Jerry who Al had now relieved of all the long hair on the sides and back of his head. "Looking good Jer. Your wife was right, short is definitely the right way for you to go."

Joe was clearly chagrined by Bob’s inference that his home haircuts were due to financial necessity. He looked at himself in the mirror on the opposite wall and for the first time noticed how unkempt his hair looked. "You know, I got into the home haircutting thing during the pandemic when all the shops were closed, but since I am here and you fellows are looking so good, I guess I’ll give Al, here a shot at my head too." The barber was now deftly removing most of the long hair remaining on the top of Jerry’s head. He had started just behind the bangs that, when combed down, touched the middle of Jerry’s nose. Al would take a section of hair comb it up to its full length of four inches and cut it down to approximately an inch and then slowly move back, progressively going shorter as he moved to the crown. Once he had the bulk cut down, he went over the top, from side to side with progressively shorter guards, until he was satisfied with the length and lay of the hair. Then, Al picked up his scissors again and started work on the bangs. First, he made an angled cut from left to right, leaving the longest section, just over an inch. Then he took his thinning shears to debulk the bangs. Finally, he took a small amount of thick molding wax, warmed it in his hands and applied it to the bangs. Then he combed them over in the front, giving Jerry a perfect old-style lay-down crewcut with the stubbly sides and back that his wife so admired.

When Al turned the chair around for Jerry to see the final product and showed him the the back with a hand mirror, Jerry exclaimed, "Yowzer, it’s going to be a hot time in my house tonight. Great job, Al. OK, Joe, your turn!"

Joe, having had a moment to consider what he had got himself into, waited for Al to take Jerry’s money and then clean and sanitize the chair. As he sat down, he said to Al, "now I don’t think you need to go quite as short with me as you did with Jerry."

Al, after running a comb through Joe’s, home-cut hair, replied, "well, my friend, there’s an old saying my dad used to tell me, ‘If wishes were horses, all beggars would ride.’ What I mean is, to make your hair look like you have had a professional cut, I am going to have to fade the sides and back pretty tight. The length is all over the place, and it looks like you nicked the clippers right into your skull in a couple places in the back. I can leave you a little longer on top than I left Jerry with his crew cut. I may even be able to leave you a little pomp up front." Not waiting for an answer, Al went right to work with the clippers, running them tightly up the back of Joe’s head. Joe realized that the dye was cast and not wanting to look like a wimp just grabbed onto the arms of the chair and decided to go along for the ride.

This, of course, left one man with a ponytail sitting between two neatly groomed men in the waiting chairs. In front of Drew was a chart of short haircuts, to his right was Bob with his newly tightened Ivy League Haircut and to his left was Jerry, until this morning, his mullet wearing role model for ‘long haired success in an office environment’ now sporting a crew cut that made him look even better than the mullet did. "So, Drew, are you going for the big chop while you’re here or are you going to risk your future in management? Gerri mentioned that your delayed management development program’s getting ready to finally startup." Jerry asked the question with the mixed motive of trying to get Drew into the barber chair and genuine concern for the man’s career. Jerry actually knew something about the workings of Drew’s organization and had actually been an outside reference given by Drew when he applied for the very competitive management training program. When Drew’s boss’s boss had called Jerry to talk about his recommendation, it turned out that the two men had mutual colleagues in the financial sector and their chat had been quite easy. Drew’s senior manager let slip that there was concern about Drew’s ‘unconventional appearance’ in a very conventional business. Jerry remembered the man saying that long hair on a man could be career-limiting.

"I just don’t get it," Drew responded to Jerry’s question. "You are a boss and you ‘ve worn your hair any style you wanted. Why on earth is my long hair such an issue?" As he asked this, Joe’s tightly tapered haircut was now at the point where Barber Al had used several different clipper guards, clippers and even a foil razor creating a sharp clean high fade that erased all the amateur barber mistakes Joe had made on his hair. Al was now wetting down the top and preparing to cut it.

Jerry explained to Drew, "I work with creative artsie people and I’m really my own boss. Yes, I am a partner in my firm, but all the partners are free agents. We make the rules and frankly, the people we work with don’t care what we look like, as long as we are making them deals and making them money. You, on the other hand, work for an established business that expects its leaders to conform to a certain manner of dress and ‘corporate look.’ Buddy, I know some of those guys. They slip into that corporate skin when they are working, but none of them change who they are. Don’t beat yourself up by going through this program if you can’t play the game, is my only advice."

Al had completed sculpting a small pomp at the front of Joe’s very short tight fade haircut and Joe now looked like the successful young businessman that he was and not some ragged sales associate at a downscale secondhand shop. He looked at himself in the mirror and said, "I hate to admit it, but my wife was right, I am going to be leaving my haircuts to the professionals from now on."

Drew cleared his throat and said, "I’ am not going to be the only long hair in this group. Al, I will be the next one in your chair". All three of the other men hooted and clapped. After Joe had paid Al for his cut, Drew stood with new confidence and walked over to the chair. He whispered into barber Al’s ear. Al smiled, whispered something back to which Drew replied, "Absolutely." Then he said, "Jerry, text the girls and tell them to go ahead and order breakfast because we are going to be a while. Then call and have the café send up over four bacon and egg sandwiches and coffees, the way we like them, sorry Al, do you want anything, these clowns are paying. Al indicated that a latte would be nice, but he had already had his breakfast, thanks.

Bob, Joe, and Jerry sat in a row waiting to see what kind of haircut Drew was going to get. Jerry’s phone calls had gone smoothly with his wife assuring him that they would all be waiting for their husbands’ return. The café had promised to get their order across the street quickly. Before Al started cutting Drew’s hair he spoke to him in a soft voice, "would you consider donating your ponytail for a little girl with cancer or alopecia to get a wig?"

"No need to whisper, Al, the tail is going, I just don’t want them to know the final result." Drew chortled, Yes, please save the ponytail and donate it." And Al quickly measured the ponytail, found it to be 14 inches long. He braided it and chopped it off just above the rubber band near the crown of Drew’s head. His remaining hair, parted in the middle, fell down around his head, making him look like the little Dutch boy from the old paint cans. "In for a dime, in for a dollar, Al, let the clipping begin, said Drew. Al picked up his heavy duty clippers, placed the number 2 guard on them and starting at the bottom of Drew’s sideburn ran the clippers up the side of his head, leaving behind a strip of stubble that included his once formidable sideburns. This soon doubled in width and before long, the entire side of his head was denuded. Al got into a rhythm and seemed to be enjoying this haircut more than any of the previous three he had given that morning and with incredible speed, the lower portion of Drew’s head was reduced to Number 2 length in record time.

Just then the shop door opened and the delivery guy from the café entered with the breakfast orders. "Just in time," Joe joked. "Al’s going so fast, I thought he’d be done before we got a bite."

Jerry paid for the breakfasts and coffee and Joe slipped the lad and extra $20.00 dollars. "If the four ladies sitting together ask about our haircuts, you tell them we 3, indicating himself, Jerry and Drew, hid in the back room so you couldn’t see us, O.K.? You only saw Bob and he had the same haircut he always has. Got it?"

"For $20.00 bucks, I didn’t even come into the shop! But just to let you know, those cuts are all looking fresh!" The delivery guy left with a big smile on his face. While he was there, Al had taken his smaller trimmers and completely removed the remains of Drew’s sideburns and raised and cleaned up his neckline. He was spraying the long hair on top of Drew’s head as the three men munched away at their breakfast sandwiches, completely forgetting about Al’s coffee and Drew’s order. Once Al turned the blow dryer on to start drying Drew’s hair, their attention was disrupted.

"Well, I’ll be," said Bob, "he’s getting a flat top."

"Yes, but darnation, am I ever getting my breakfast sandwich? Losing all this hair is a thirsty business," declared Drew with a wide smile on his face.

"Oh shucks, Drew," Jerry jumped up and brought Drew’s sandwich and coffee and Al’s latte over and set them on the counter next to where Al’s tools were. "Sorry guys."

"Drew, you had a flat top back when we were being recruited for colleges back in the day. You told me it was the only haircut a real man should wear."

"Well, back at Saint Anthony’s we didn’t have much choice. It was buzzed bald by Father John if our hair was too long, a dorky ‘little boy cut,’ a crewcut or a flattop. I idolized Howie Long and Mark Grace, both wore flat tops during their playing careers so, I just imitated them until I could get out from under the rules. I ended up playing for a coach who made us have hair off our ears and collars all through college. He’d had about a cup of coffee with one of the Yankee’s double A affiliates and thought he knew all about "preparing us for the show." By the time I got out of college, I was ready to finally grow out my hair. But, for whatever reason, Jerry and Bob made the coin drop today. I figured that if I’m going back to short hair, I’m doing it right, with the one short haircut I really liked."

"OK now Drew, keep quiet and keep still. "This is the most important part of the haircut," said Al, as he took his flat top comb and started to go over the sides and then the top, slowly crafting that perfect flat top. Drew was overcome with memories of Al’s Uncle Nick doing this to him 15 years ago. Al eventually took the comb away to create a perfectly shaped landing strip. This barber did know his stuff. Once he was done with his clipper work, Al handed Drew his half-finished breakfast sandwich to munch on while he turned to the counter, took a sip of his latte and then dipped his fingers into the tub of butch wax. "Now, for my favorite part," Al said. "I’m just going to work enough butch wax into the front and sides to make sure this looks perfect." And it did. Drew now looked like he was ready for the challenges that stood ahead of him.

Al removed the cape. Drew stood, shook Al’s hand and walked with him to the cash register. Al turned to the three men behind Drew and said, "may I take a picture of the four of you? I think this is going to be a memorable day"

Jerry replied, "its also a day that you got three new customers, Al."

After the picture, the four men crossed the street to the café where their wives awaited them. The women were thrilled with the transformations wrought on Jerry, Joe, and Drew. That night there was plenty of exploration of new sensations and celebrations of changes that all began with an HVAC check.

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