Toastmaster Tom Part 2 by Doug

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Toastmaster Tom Part 2: Madness
When I headed to college at my Big 10 choice, I had this idea that once I left my home town I would make the change to my hair, but for the first year all I did was move the sides shorter until by the end of spring semester, my ears were showing—but it was still a salon scissor cut and not the tight feel or look I really wanted. That finally changed in the spring of 1983, when I discovered the British pop band, Madness. Watching their video "Our House," I came face to face with lead singer Graham Suggs—the picture of coolness, rocking a punked out but clearly shaped flattop. Suddenly, I started thinking I had an "in" to the cut that had always fascinated me. Not long after I was walking down the main strip at the edge of campus and watched in awe as a tall, blond guy approached and passed me with a Suggs flattop replica. I almost pulled a muscle rubbernecking as he walked by. It looked great! I literally bought the album so I could look at Suggs regularly, then in a fit of bravery (or desperation?) dragged it to a barbershop along the strip I had been eyeing as a good place to transition away from salons. Young guys coming out of that place sported clean-cut styles more reminiscent of the days before the 70s.

The middle-aged barber who invited me to his chair didn’t question the album in my hand. When I was in the chair and caped and he asked me how I wanted it cut, I swung the album cover out from under the cape and said, "I want a flattop just like this guy." My mouth was dry and my heart was pounding so hard I could see it through the cape. I’m sure he noticed the nerves, but he played it cool.

"All right, we can do that. Have you ever had a flattop before?" he asked.

When I told him no, he continued with his exploration. "Do you want a more relaxed look like this guy on the cover or do you want a more traditional length? I can do either for you. This one isn’t going to stay sharp very long, but maybe that would be a better first cut so you can decide if you like it or not. You can always go shorter the next time you come in."

The idea of already anticipating a second visit, like I’d be tossing long hair forever in exchange for something closer to the Toastmaster boy I had always coveted, just about did me in. "Sure, okay…" I squeaked out.

At that point, Bill grabbed my glasses from me, set them on the shelf, and set to work. First he combed all my hair out and down, then oiled his clippers and turned them on. I jumped under the cape but hoped he didn’t notice. He then pulled out his comb and cut the sides from start to finish using clipper over comb. I was impressed with his care, but disappointed that I wouldn’t be feeling those clippers running up the back of my head. When the sides and back were done, he wet down my hair on top, and brushed it up and off my forehead. Turning on his clippers again, he expertly used his flattop comb at the front to set an initial length and comb/buzzed from front to back. I could hear the clipper teeth zipping across the comb at each pass and saw my long hair raining down the sides of the cape. At that point I realized there was no turning back. Once he had completed his initial pass, the brush and spritz bottle came out again and he pushed the shorter hair into place. Back to his clipper and comb, he started tightening and refining the top, methodically changing my head shape to match the new look I started longing for 12 years before.

Turning me to the mirror and handing back my glasses, he revealed my new look. Finally getting my image in focus, i was impressed with his ability to recreate Suggs’ look on my head. It was significantly shorter than any cut I had had since I was 7, but not shockingly short by 1983 standards. I found out the barber’s name was Bill and he gave me his card with the instruction to come back in a few weeks for a tune-up. I left the shop having transitioned to a punk rock look that got me a surprising number of compliments over the next week. I bought a broad, square horsehair brush and some hair spray to hold my new look in place. But although I liked the look, I knew it wasn’t short enough for me. Bill was right—by the end of the first two weeks, my hair was falling back down by mid-day. By the end of the week 3, I finally gave up and headed back to Bill for a re-do. And I knew my second flattop was going to be shorter.

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