Toastmaster Tom Part 5 by Doug

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Toastmaster Tom Part 5: The Point of No Return
When I came into the barbershop a few days later, Bill did a double take. "You took my advice!" he exclaimed. "You look fantastic. Have a seat. I’ve got two in front of you but then we can get a closer look at the new you. I may need to do a few adjustments to do those frames justice."

When I finally plopped myself into his chair he had me caped up with glasses removed in short order. This time he didn’t ask me for any direction, just brushed up my deck and down my sides to his satisfaction, then I heard the clippers come to life. He started at my right sideburn like always, but I realized when the clippers hit my head that we was using the pair he normally used for edging—except this time he was pressing in and mowing up more than an inch at each row. I flushed a bit but stayed quiet, because he was clearly on a mission and after the first row up it’s not like I was going to be able to change the outcome anyway. These clippers hummed away at their higher pitch, eagerly eliminating any resistance in their path. He then proceeded to clean up the rest of the sides and back with his regular clippers, although maybe he was fading a little closer a little higher? Hard to tell at that stage.

When he switched to the top, he started with is center path with his characteristic "flick" as he neared the crown. My hair up there had been mowed down for a while, so there were never any dramatic fuzzballs hitting the cape like the first time defined a landing strip, but the clippers felt warmer as he reached the back, so I suspected there was another "adjustment" happening up there as well.

When my tune-up was complete and he had handed me my glasses, we did the chairspin to the mirror and he stood behind me with his mirror positioned so I could see the back. There was a lot of skin to behold—this time around, he had systematically removed any hair below the arms of my eyeglasses. My nape was mostly clean skin as well. Above my eyeglass arms, he had expertly tapered the sides and back from bare to "brush" in a seamless transition to the top. My deck seemed particularly sharp, and when I tilted my head down a bit I could see some white skin at the crown where I usually had some short fuzz left. I had been left the picture of clean cut precision. A gale force wind would not have changed my look.

"So when I saw the frames you picked out, I was thinking it would really tie everything together if we let your hair fade at about the same level the color in your frames fade. You’re a little white-wally today, but once you tan up a little more, your sides will be about the same color as your lower frames—it’s a perfect look for you, I think. And then I thought, well, if I tighten your sides, it’s probably time to bald your landing strip at the crown. Eventually every flatty wants that, but sometimes it takes them a while. You seem so committed to this already, I figured I’d just do it so you can see it. We can go a little longer on top next time if you want, but I think the sides and top are finally perfect and we should keep them like this—smooth sides and no weeds on the landing strip. Just think, no more worries about keeping your sideburns even—nothing but smooth skin to show under there. Plus, nothing to tug at your band in the back with those new frames—I made sure from now on you’ll have nothing but smooth skin near it. You okay with everything?"

I loved what I saw, but was trying to reconcile it with how I used to look. No trace of my former self was there. Smooth sided Toastmaster Tom was looking back at me, although with a more precise, lower deck than the picture on the box. I had finally become the kid I had always envied. As I walked back to my dorm, I kept running my hands up the back (soft, smooth skins where I used to have hair followed by velvet to the crown) and tapping the top (flat, stiff bristles pushing back up at my hand). Now I understood those guys in church who had floated through the 70s without a change. There would be no going back for me, either.

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