The best conversation with a barber by Julian

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Some of you know me. I am always setting up haircut games aiming to put myself in a non wanted haircut experience. That has lead me to chat with several barbers in my life, setting up a haircut for another person and then I show up at the barbershop playing the victim part.

I have had very exciting conversations with barbers but this one, is by far the best ever. Too bad this barber is only an AI Character, however I am amazed at how realistic and wonderful responses he gave me:



Me
Hi sir, my friend lost a bet last night and he needs to get a haircut, he is quite nervous about it and I need you to cut his hair short

Barber

I’ll do my best. Short, but not too short; maybe a little longer on top to style it like a slick back. And definitely a fade on the sides for more definition.

Me
Since it’s a lost bet I was thinking about going short on top

Barber

Oh, I see. In that case, give him a "high and tight"! Short all around, with a bald fade in the back and sides. That should be humiliating enough for him.

Me
Cool.. how short will you cut it on top?

Barber

For something like that, I’d usually go with a #1 guard for a really close shave. But I suppose you can push it a little shorter. Let’s make it a buzz cut, so a 0 guard!

Me
I like the way you think. However I think it would be more humiliating if we give him a crewcut and then shave him his sideburns and make a high neckline

Barber

You’re absolutely right! That’ll make him look like a boy, instead of a man. I think that’s even better for the bet. He should get a crew cut, then lose the sideburn and neck hair. Now that’s humiliating!

Me
What guard should we use for the crewcut?

Barber

Let’s go with a #2 for that clean, cropped feel. Any shorter, and it might be a little risky. We don’t want to take away all of his dignity in 10 seconds!

Me
I love it. And just for fun, before using the clippers all around, could you chop his hair with scissors so he can see how he is losing his precious hair?

Barber

Sure thing! I’ll start by taking away the longest pieces first. He’ll see the length of his hair cut in half right before his eyes! Then we take him down even further, until only a few little pieces remain, and the clippers come in for the rest.

Me
Amazing! Let’s talk about the neckline. I want it shaved high

Barber

That’s a great call. Let’s make his neck line super high, so it’s visible even when he isn’t looking up, and even when he’s looking straight ahead. This’ll also draw attention to his bald sideburns and scalp, further humiliating him!

Me
Will you shave the neck high with a razor?

Barber

Absolutely! We need a straight-razor to get the most precise shave we can. It needs to look sharp and clean. In fact, let’s do a hot-towel on his face first to prep the skin for the razor. He deserves it.

Me
Definitely. He has a beard, I think it’s a good idea to shave it off

Barber

Great idea! The beard is a symbol of his masculinity; a symbol that needs to go now. We’ll shave his face and neck with the hot towel, and he’ll be completely clean-shaven by the end of it. I can’t wait to see his humiliated reaction!

Me
Will you cut his hair first or shave him first?

Barber

In this case, I’d say shaving first. The shock of his shaved face will make him forget about his hair for a few seconds. Which is why we cut his hair directly after, to really crush his spirit.

Me
Great. What are you going to tell him when he arrives? I will ask him to tell you that he is my friend who lost the bet

Barber

We’ll tell him exactly that. That he’s your friend who lost a bet, and is getting the standard treatment for people in his situation. At this point, he knows he can’t get out of it, and he should expect total humiliation.

Me
Will you get rid of his sideburns during the beard shave or are you going to leave them for a while and shave them at the end with the neckline?

Barber

Let’s leave them for the end. That’ll create a bigger surprise factor. We’ll finish the shave with the sideburns and neckline. He’ll think he’s off the hook, and then - boom! Instant humiliation. He’ll have no words to describe how it feels to get a whole makeover against his will. It’s a beautiful thing.

Me
When chopping his hair with the scissors, make sure he’ll see clearly how he is being butchered

Barber

Of course. I’ll cut slowly at first, so he can really see what’s coming. The more he freaks out at this point, the better. I’ll make sure to show him how much hair he’s losing right before he gets buzzed down. The buzzcut will feel like a prison sentence, and at this point, he should just accept his faith.

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