Right Shop, Wrong Barber by NapeSlapper

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After such a tumultuous day, Josh couldn’t imagine anything better than standing around a pool table, sinking some cold beers with his mates. Even better was that his newest buddy Sean was right there with him and seemed to be having an equally great time. Suddenly, the most brazen of Josh’s mates, Scott, comes up behind the two lads and places his arms around their shoulders, plonking one hand on each of their heads. "Alright boys lay it on me, what’s the story behind the buzzcuts?!"


SIX HOURS EARLIER:

It was a sunny Friday afternoon and Josh, 29 years old and 6 feet tall, had been eagerly anticipating his visit to the barber shop. As a paramedic, Josh often had to work Friday and Saturday nights, but this week he had the whole weekend off and was keen to get a fresh haircut and hit the town with his mates. His soft, wavy curls had grown in nicely over the past few months and now he was hoping to taper in the edges and trim a little bit of shape into it. All his buddies had been commenting on how good his hair was looking lately and seemed to take every opportunity they could to ruffle it. And when they were on the more drunk and boisterous side, run their fingers through it.

As Josh entered the busy six-chair barber shop, there were five young barbers tending to their customers, one empty chair and loads of guys waiting to get fresh cuts for the weekend. Two of the barbers looked like they were straight out of an alternative rock band, two of them looked like skater dudes from the nineties and the fifth barber; 6ft.3 with piercing blue eyes, a #0 all over and arms covered in tattoos, looked something between a skinhead punk and a male model. With his thick dark hair buzzed right down, almost to the noggin, Josh could perfectly see every angle of this guys head. If it wasn’t for the shadow of dark stubble poking through, his bright white scalp would be fully exposed. Although Josh liked the look on this guy, he was certain he’d never be able to pull off that kind of look himself. On one especially hot day last summer, he’d actually had the urge to walk into a barber shop and ask for a #2 all over…but talked himself out of it at the last minute. And today wasn’t the day for it either; his soft, bouncy mop was just a taper-fade away from looking perfect. He had a general image in his head of how he wanted his haircut to turn out but was keen to see one of these barbers’ personal take on it.

As Josh scanned the waiting area for an empty seat, he was hit with the smell of talcum powder, cologne and that general scent of male pheromone. There was a palpable sense of excitement in the air, everyone gearing up for the weekend ahead; Dad’s with their teenage sons, finance-bros in suits and tradesmen wearing high-vis. Josh clocked one empty seat in the far back corner of the shop and headed towards it. As he walked past all the other customers he noticed that some of them, particularly the Dads and finance-bros, seemed to be admiring his luscious hair. Perhaps they were curious about what he was going to do with it, he theorised, or maybe his hair reminded them of the longer, floppier styles they themselves used to have before they had to start looking neat and tidy for their corporate jobs. Feeling simultaneously excited and bashful by all the eyeball attention his hair was getting, Josh was kind of relieved to be taking a seat next to the only two guys who seemed too engrossed in their phones to notice him sit down.

Sean, a ruggedly handsome man who was wearing a business shirt and looked to be in his early 40s, was waiting with his teenage son, Jarrod who was wearing a high school uniform. Both gents had their ties loosened and were fully absorbed versing each other in a virtual game of snooker on their phones. Sean had some short stubble on his face and a pretty standard haircut for a corporate guy his age. Short back and sides and a little longer than finger length on top, his salt and pepper hair looked neat and nicely textured. Although Sean’s haircut was simple and low maintenance it still had a modern, trendy shape to it that brought our his masculine features. His son Jarrod had similar soft wavy curls to Josh and his hair was about the same length as Josh’s also.

For a moment, Josh wondered if the handsome Dad that he was sitting next to had dragged his teenage son there against his will, and now, despite desperately pleading not to lose his bouncy mop, was about to be forcibly branded with the same no-nonsense short back and sides cut as his Dad. Stripped of his soft wavy curls, Jarrod was sure to stick out like a sore thumb against all his floppy haired buddies, probably rendering him no longer cute to the girls at school. The Dad had a nice soft taper to his own haircut but if he really wanted to defile his son’s look he’d probably make the barber completely square off his nape, maybe even shave it up an inch or two higher than it ought to be, maliciously taking any remnants of coolness from him…But Josh quickly dismissed this theory when he noticed how brotherly their father-son relationship was. "Nah, this guy would never force his son to get a haircut he didn’t want", Josh decided, and this was confirmed when the young barber that Sean and Jarrod had been waiting for called them over.

Sean escorted his son to the chair and introduced him to the barber, the skinhead model looking dude. Sean told the barber he was so happy with the haircut he gave him last time that he specifically brought his son to see him today. Apparently Jarrod had some not so great haircut experiences in the past that had left him a little apprehensive about barber shops. It seemed important to Sean that his son didn’t have to face the disappointment of having all his curls hacked off by an incompetent barber again. As Josh was watching the three of them interact he found himself curious about what this barber’s hair would look like grown out and wondered how long he’d been buzzing it off for.
"Was the clipper shave a recent whim or has he been buzzing it for ages?" Josh wondered.
As Sean returned to his seat, him and Josh met eyes and shared a neighbourly nod.

Although he couldn’t quite put his finger on why, there was something Josh found really appealing about witnessing Sean be so protective of his son’s beautiful hair, as well as watching the young skinhead barber be so gentle and precise with Jarrod’s soft, luscious curls - the barber seemed to enjoy nurturing Jarrod’s attachment to his nice hair even though he himself was confidently rocking a tightly shaved noggin. Josh noticed that all five of these young, stylish barbers seemed to love making a special fuss over the guys in their chair; almost as if they got some kind of kick out of making their customers look as handsome as possible.

Josh was so in awe watching all the barbers with their customers that he barely noticed almost twenty minutes fly by. When he looked around the room, he realised that aside from the corporate Dad, all the guys who’d been waiting when he walked in had either finished their haircuts and left, or were currently in the chair; their seats in the waiting area quickly being filled with new customers, some of whom also seemed to be admiring Josh’s glorious mane. Josh knew his turn was coming up very soon and between having seen some really cool haircuts so far and noticing how delicately the 6ft3 skinhead was treating Jarrod’s wavy mop, Josh was feeling really excited for his own trim.

All of a sudden, a guy who Josh had not seen before emerged from the back room of the barber shop and bee lined to the sixth, empty chair. Wearing a v-neck t-shirt, cargo shorts and snap-back cap, he was giving off a very different look to the rocker and skater aesthetics of the other five barbers. The barber briefly removed his cap to give the top of his head a quick scratch, revealing a thick head of hair buzzed down to a #6 on top and a high skin fade on the sides. His freshly skinned sides were glowing white in comparison to the bristley black hair on top. He was a similar height to Josh and upon closer inspection was actually a pretty handsome dude, but he had an obnoxious frat boy look and attitude that Josh found extremely off putting.

The barber impatiently scanned the waiting area.
"Who’s next?" he shouted at the room.
All the other guys in the waiting area looked towards Josh and Sean.
"You can go ahead of me man, I’m gonna jump in with that guy once he’s finished with my son" Sean said to Josh, motioning towards Jarrod and the skinhead barber.

Although there was no real reason to suspect this barber would be any less skilled than the others, he was working at the same shop after all, Josh already had his heart set on getting his hair cut by one of the other five barbers. He wasn’t quite so keen to experience this guys personal take on the haircut he was envisioning, and just needed a couple of seconds to figure out what to say.
But before he had a chance to collect his thoughts, the frat boy barber looked Josh dead in the eye and asked, somewhat aggressively, "You ready bro?".

Josh hesitantly took a seat in the chair. Running his hands through his hair, he briefed the barber on what he was thinking.
"Hey man, so I’m really liking all this weight and movement I’ve got through the sides here, especially how the top just kind of seamlessly flows into it…Reckon you could just trim it up a little bit and do a really low taper-fade on the sideburns and nape? Oh and nothing off the top - maybe just a bit of texture?".
The barber barely looked at Josh, or his hair, while he was explaining and didn’t seem to give any indication as to whether he even heard Josh talking. His eyes were completely glazed over as he fastened Josh’s cape and Josh was still unsure if the guy had understood what he wanted, so he decided to provide a visual reference. Josh pointed a few chairs over to Jarrod and the skinhead barber. Jarrod’s haircut was in its finishing touches and looking dope as hell. In an attempt to be as clear as possible without coming across overly fussy, Josh indicated to the frat boy barber that he wants pretty much exactly the same haircut as that. The barber briefly glanced over in Jarod’s direction and then finally gave Josh a response.
"Yeah yeah, trim it up, I got it bro".

The barber picked up a set of clippers from his bench, attached a #3 guard then rotated Josh’s chair about 90 degrees, just enough so that he could only peripherally see the mirror. This didn’t strike Josh as unusual - barbers often spun Josh’s chair back and forth throughout haircut, and whenever he’d asked for a low taper-fade in the past, the barbers almost always took a #3 or #4 to his sideburns and nape, before fading the edges down and then using either scissors or a bare clipper over a comb to artfully blend it up, maintaining the weight and shape that Josh loved through the sides. But the minute this barber started buzzing something felt a little different; he seemed to be taking the #3 allot higher than Josh was used to, but at the angle the barber had him faced, Josh couldn’t see his reflection well enough to tell if he was just overthinking it. It wasn’t until the barber started on the back and Josh felt the clippers buzz right up near the top of his head that he knew for sure there’d been some lapse in communication. Just as Josh started to panic, the barber switched the clippers off, placed them down on the bench and turned Josh forward to face his reflection. "Dude what the hell" blurted out Josh.
He’d been butchered, the barber had completely ignored his instructions and cut off much more than Josh had wanted.
He’d shaved all the way up the back and sides of Josh’s head with a #3. All that weight and movement was now reduced to an undercut, this was absolutely not the look he was envisioning. But now it was too late, the damage was done.
Josh couldn’t believe it, "I knew this guy was trouble" he thought.
As enraged and flustered as he was, Josh reassured himself that at least he’d caught it at this stage and could stop the barber now before he did any more damage to his beautiful bouncy mop.

"Looking better already huh?!" smirked the barber, picking up a spray bottle and drenching Josh’s entire head with water.
"No man, I just wanted a low taper-fade, I didn’t know you were gonna shave the sides up that high…I wanted to keep the flow" Josh responded assertively, water now dripping all down his face and into his eyes.
"Your hair was was way too long bro, this looks gangster" said the barber as he slammed the spray bottle back on his bench.
Josh’s eyes were now bloodshot and stinging so much from all the sunblock and leave in conditioner dripping into them that he could barely keep them open.
As soon as the stinging subsided and Josh was able to properly open them up again the barber locked eyes with him through the mirror and placed his hands between Josh’s shoulders, giving them a tight squeeze.
"We’re good bro, we’re good", he whispered into Josh’s ear.
He then gave the back of Josh’s head, now stripped of all it’s soft wavy curls, a rapid rub up and down that felt more forceful than friendly. It was almost as if he was overtly gloating about what he’d just done to Josh’s hair; rubbing Josh’s face in the fact that the back and sides of his head had just been shaved against his will.

Just as Josh was trying to make sense of what had just happened, the frat boy barber pulled out a large set of scissors and before Josh could even stop him, combed a big section of curls from the top of his head and snipped it right down to not much longer than finger length. Stunned and speechless, Josh’s heart sank into his stomach as he had no choice but to just sit there and watch this guy cut all his beautiful hair off, chunk by chunk, until there was almost nothing left. The barber rotated Josh’s chair, this time fully away from the mirror, forced Josh’s neck down and started to line up around Josh’s ears, nape and sideburns. Josh was completely devastated, not to mention confused as hell, but nonetheless preparing himself for the reality that all the months he’d spent growing his soft wavy curls into the perfect length was rendered pointless in a matter of minutes because he would now be leaving the shop with a high #3 on the back and sides; no shape or blending and basically finger length on the top; no more luscious curls. The Barber pulled Josh’s head up by the small amount of hair now left on the top of his head and Josh could feel him going over the back and sides with the clippers again, repeatedly switching guards and moving Josh’s head around too rapidly for him to decipher exactly what was happening and with too firm a grip for Josh to do anything about it. When the barber finally turned Josh back to see his reflection front on in the mirror, he was even more horrified than before. The back and sides couldn’t have been longer than a #1 or #2 and the barber had taken it all the way up past crown. Through the mirror he could see the puzzled expressions on the faces of the other guys who just a few minutes ago had been admiring how nice his hair was.
"Well they’re definitely not admiring my hair now" Josh thought to himself.

Feeling furious and humiliated, Josh wasn’t sure whether he wanted to burst into tears or punch this obnoxious frat boy in the face when suddenly the barber took a large comb to the top of Josh’s head and used the bare clippers over the comb to take the top down even shorter than finger length, leaving Josh’s hair in a state that was unrecognizable and completely unsalvageable. Finally the barber showed Josh the back of his head, revealing a boxed in nape that was definitely several inches higher than it needed to be. Icing on the cake.

As the barber dried off what was left of Josh’s hair, Josh noticed Sean and Jarrod standing at the counter, Sean’s arm over his son’s shoulder happily paying for his haircut. Jarrod thanked the skinhead barber emphatically saying it’s the best haircut he’s ever had and exactly what he was after. The barber shook Jarrod’s hand and told him it was a pleasure to tend to his lovely curls, the three of them sharing a chuckle. The barber tells Sean that he just needs a few minutes to clean up his area then he’ll be ready for Sean’s haircut. Sean assured the barber that he’s in no rush and to take his time. As Josh stood up from the chair he could see that Jarrod was smiling ear to ear because he was so happy with his cut. Jarrod and Sean exchanged a brotherly fist pump as Sean gave him permission to go meet his buddies.
"Okay go have fun champ, I’ll pick you up from your Mom’s house Sunday night".

As Jarrod zoomed off on his skateboard and Sean sat back down in the waiting area, Josh took one final look in the mirror. His hair was now nothing like the perfectly sculpted masterpiece that Jarrod had skated off into the weekend with. Sean almost double-took when noticed Josh’s brutal new haircut through the mirror. He was absolutely shocked to see that this guys hair was now even shorter than his own haircut - the wavy, voluptuous mane he’d walked in with had been savagely hacked off into something between a flattop and a high and tight. It struck Sean how weirdly unflattering this haircut looked on Josh, especially considering what a good looking young dude he was - it was somehow both too square and too round at the same time.
"Woah, he may as well have just buzzed it all off if he was gonna go that short" he thought to himself.
Two good looking tradesmen eagerly awaiting their turn appeared to be just as taken aback as Sean was.
"Man, that barber got him good…If he wanted cut all his hair off I wonder he didn’t just get a #2 all over or something" one whispered to the other.

Disappointed and still in shock, Josh swallowed his rage as he paid for the disastrous haircut and headed down the street. His self confidence was now on the floor along with his hair and he didn’t want to draw any more attention to himself by making a scene or refusing to pay. He just wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible so he could go home and assess the damage in private. Sean couldn’t help but stare in bemusement at Josh’s butchered haircut as he watched him exit the shop. That’s when he caught a glimpse of the devastation on Josh’s face and suddenly realised what had happened.
"Oh wow…I guess he didn’t choose that haircut after all…is it possible it was forced onto him?" Sean thought to himself. The thought of this sweet young dude having to go into his weekend with that messed up looking haircut made Sean want to give the poor guy a hug.

As Josh walked down the street, he spiralled with regret. It wasn’t just that his hair was so freakin’ short, it was how severely butchered it was. It was so high and brutally shaped that it would take a good month before it could even be cut into something that looks half decent. He couldn’t understand why the barber did this to him. If he was going to choose to get a such short haircut, it would at least be something stylish and flattering like that corporate Dad with the neat fade. As he continued to drag his feet towards his car, rubbing the back of his head while walking and cringing at his reflection in shop windows, Josh heard someone running up behind him. To his surprise, it was the handsome Dad from the barber shop. He introduced himself as Sean. Josh’s initial assumption was that he must have left something behind in the shop and Sean was running up to return it to him, but it seemed like Sean just wanted to shoot the breeze with him for some reason. Sean was intermittently running his fingers through the top of his own hair while talking and Josh realised that he hadn’t even had his haircut.
"I thought he would be in the chair as we speak" Josh contemplated.
When Josh inquired why Sean wasn’t sticking around for his own haircut, especially after that barber had done such a great job on his son, Sean explained that since his hair was still pretty short anyway he might just go back another day instead.
"So out of curiosity", Sean asked, "What made you decide to cut all your hair off man? I thought for sure you were gonna’ get something similar to my son and then I look up and it’s even shorter than mine!"

Sean of course already suspected that this haircut wasn’t by choice, but he didn’t want to outwardly point out out how bad Josh’s hair looked unless Josh did himself. But as soon as he saw the frustration on Josh's face he took charge and offered his condolences, acknowledging how nice Josh's hair used to be before the barber brutalised it. The two lads continued walking and chatting for a couple of minutes until they came upon a park bench and decided to sit down and light up a smoke. Sean affectionately rubbed the top of Josh’s butchered hair and shared his own frustrations with past haircuts, reminiscing about all the longer styles he used to have and quipped that one benefit of having a short back and sides is how good it feels to rub the back of your own head after a super short haircut. Josh admitted that as much as he hates this haircut he could definitely get used to that feeling.

Both lads had a go at rubbing their own napes and then each others. Sean’s taper still felt pretty fresh even though his haircut was a few weeks old. Feeling the soft, spiky bristles of Sean's short hair on the back of his head, Josh couldn't help but give the top of Sean’s hair a little rub too. Sean pointed out that at least when you keep a short haircut like his, if a barber does you dirty like today it only takes a month to get it back to normal.
"Unfortunately I think it’s gonna take a lot longer than that for my hair to grow back" Josh joked, already feeling a bit less beaten down after a few minutes of chewing the fat with Sean, "but maybe in a months time once this is looking a bit less brutal I should go to your guy and get something similar to you", giving the top of Sean’s hair another little rub.
Sean sympathized with Josh's situation, sharing that even with his current short and corporate style, he still occasionally ends up with a dud haircut if he trusts the wrong barber with his hair. He then admitted to Josh that the last few times that he’d gotten a bad cut, he wound up going home and just buzzing it all off himself.

One thing led to another, and before they knew it, Josh found himself at Sean's house, ready to get buzzed by Sean. As the two shirtless lads were cracking open a beer each and setting up their own private barbershop in Sean’s kitchen, Sean gently explained to Josh that since his hair had already been shaved so short and high on the sides, he’d probably have to give him a #1 all over.
"I’ll tell you what man", Sean continued, "As soon as I’m done buzzing your head, you’re gonna you do the exact same to me. We can look like doofus tennis balls together".
Although Sean was no stranger to having a buzzcut he’d only ever gone a #2 or #3, and now suddenly he’d volunteered himself for a #1 all over. Josh’s initial reaction was that he didn’t want to subject Sean to an unnecessary shearing, but Sean was insistent. He was a man of his word and he was genuinely excited to share this experience with Josh, and Josh couldn’t deny that the idea of running a set of clippers through Sean’s crunchy salt and pepper hair was extremely exciting. Sean’s current haircut had such a perfectly soft yet square shape to it and Josh was really keen to see what Sean would look like with a round head. He knew Sean would look great a #2 all over but he suspected a #1 was going to look pretty severe of both of them. Neither lad could contain their excitement.

"Let’s do this man!" agreed Josh, clinking his beer against Sean’s.
"Hell yeah brother, bring it in!" replied Sean, pulling Josh in for a bear hug and rubbing his butchered hair one last time.
Sean sat Josh down and fired up the clippers, "Alright let’s go Joshy, you’re gonna look so sweet in a few minutes!!".
As the clippers buzzed and Josh’s hair fell to the ground, he couldn’t have cared less about the butchering he’d been given before. He trusted Sean completely and even if the buzzcuts looked bad, at least both guys were in it together. Sean dusted him off and slapped a bit of moisturiser onto Josh’s now 3 millimetres of hair, giving him a nice little scalp massage. Taking a moment to admire his own handy work, Sean couldn’t believe how handsome his new buddy was looking, the tightly buzzed head made Josh look even better than he did with his soft bouncy curls. Josh was busting to look at himself in the mirror but the two men decided that it would be more fun if they both saw their new haircuts at the exact same time. Sean was almost as excited to see Josh’s reaction in the mirror as he was to have Josh buzz all his salt and pepper hair off. He was having so much fun playing barber shop with Josh and hoped that if his son Jarrod ever decided to have his own head shaved, that he would want Sean to be the one to do it for him. Jarrod always loved having his Dad at the barbers with him and any time Sean had picked up him up from school suddenly sporting a buzzed noggin, Jarrod always got a real kick out of it.

"Alright Joshy, time to give it a feel" announced Sean.
Josh gave his freshly buzzed scalp a rub for the first time and couldn’t believe how good it felt.
"Well Seano, I guess it’s your turn now" he said, giving Sean’s neat businessman’s haircut one last ruffle before it was all shaved off.
Sean passed the clippers to Josh and sat down, leaving himself fully in Josh’s hands. As Josh ploughed the clippers through Sean’s crunchy hair, only a few strokes in he could already tell how handsome Sean was going to look with the #1 all over. Josh was having so much fun with his new friend and even from behind could see that Sean’s face was also beaming with joy. The two fellas were sharing a bonding experience that felt very primal. Josh loved the feeling of having Sean’s head in his hands. After the last swipe he quickly went over Sean’s whole head a second time, just to make sure he didn’t miss anything, and returned the favour of massaging some lotion onto Sean’s newly buzzed scalp. Now that the top of Sean’s hair was just as short as the nape it felt even better to rub than before. Once the buzzcuts and head massages were complete, Josh and Sean - buzzed and shirtless - checked themselves out in the mirror for the first time, feeling strong and powerful with their matching shaved heads.

Sean assured Josh that their new look was not only sexy but also exuded confidence and masculinity, placing his arm around Josh’s shoulders and giving his round spikey head a brotherly rub. Two buddies with matching haircuts. Sean was like the big brother Josh had never had, taking him under his wing. Josh suspected that his buddies would miss being able to run their fingers through his beautiful curls but Sean assured him that they were going to love rubbing their hands all over his newly buzzed noggin even more than they loved his curls…and will probably find every excuse they can to pet and stroke his soft, stubbly head. Who knows, they might even ask Josh and Sean to give all of them buzzcuts.

Staring in the mirror with Sean by his side, Josh was smiling ear to ear because he loved how great they both looked with their matching haircuts.
"Well, no use wasting our new haircuts just sitting around the house" suggested Sean, "Wanna hit the town so we can show them off?"
"Actually some of my mates are hanging at that new bar on Main Street" replied Josh. "What do you say we do a bit of a pub crawl on the walk over there"

As they made their way towards the bar - becoming more tipsy with each stop along the way, they both noticed how many looks they seem to be getting on the street.
"Dude, we probably look like a couple of thugs" joked Josh.
"Nah everyone is just checking out us out man" Sean said with a wink as he playfully punched Josh’s shoulder.
Josh couldn’t help but agree, after all, they were two tall, attractive dudes walking side by side with buzzed noggins. Josh had found the perfect wingman and he could tell this was going to be a fun night.

As they entered the venue, Sean headed to the bar to grab a round of beers while Josh scanned the room for his for buddies, who as it turned out were halfway through a game of pool.
Approaching the pool table, Josh nonchalantly said "What’s up fellas" and waited for his mates to clock that it’s him.
All four of them double took when they spotted Josh and his buzzed head.
"Woah!!" "Oh my lord it’s Joshy!!" "Dude I didn’t even recognise you!!".
Before he knew it, his four buddies were climbing over each other to cop a feel of his newly shaved head. He felt like a dog who’d randomly wandered into an office building, everybody wanting a pat. He waved Sean over and introduced his new buddy to all his mates. One by one, with varying levels of hand grip and eye contact, they all shook Sean’s hand hello, seemingly trying to suss out where his physical boundaries were. Josh could tell from the glint in their eyes that what they really wanted to do was give Sean’s head a little rub.
"If I know my mates, I give it about thirty seconds before one of them starts angling to touch your head" he whispered to Sean.
"I knew it!" Sean whispered back, barely able to contain his laughter.
Seconds later - Scott, the most brazen of Josh’s buddies, comes up behind the two gents and parks himself directly between them, placing his arms around their shoulders and plonking one hand on each of their heads. "Alright boys lay it on me, what’s the story behind the buzzcuts?!"

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