Sheer Energy by Deke Cutter

---

George loved being a barber, most of the time. He owned his shop and rented out chairs to a couple of great colleagues. They all got along and shared new clients on an availability basis. But one thing that got up George’s nose were those men who failed to treat him or his fellow master barbers in the other chairs with respect. You know the guys, they plop down in the chair, give minimal explanation of what they want, complain about the cuts, tip poorly, yet they return. One such customer, he and the other barbers called ‘Angry Angus.’ He never seemed happy with his haircut, and made angry comments when he looked at the finished product. ‘You took too much off on the sides,’ ‘you didn’t take enough off on the back,’ ‘I told you to thin it out.’ Yet, Angus had never gone so far as leaving a bad review online. The barbers were convinced that he was just an unhappy cheapskate, looking for a free or reduced price haircut. George had decided that he had had enough of this character and was biding his time for all the circumstances to fall into place. Finally, the day had come.

Angry Angus came strutting into the shop late in the day. He had been up most of the previous night after his wife made him sleep on the uncomfortable couch downstairs in their home. It turns out he complained as much about her as he did about his haircuts. Even though his wife worked a full-time job, too, Angus did not take on his fair share of responsibilities at home. His wife had asked him to place a casserole in the oven when he got home from work, but of course he didn’t do it. So when she got home, dinner was delayed and then he complained a little too much. It got him a sleepless night on the couch he refused to spend money to replace. He came into the shop tired and in a foul mood. He sat himself down in George’s chair, not returning George’s polite greeting. He simply said, "a good trim and thin it out some." To all the barbers’ surprise Angus was snoring gently moments after the cape was snapped on. Finally, George had his chance. Angus wore his hair in an old fashioned helmet style, covering his ears, just touching his collar, and swooped over to the side. His hair was naturally quite thick and full. George looked at the other barbers who silently nodded at him and he went to work. He started with his scissors, giving the sides and back ‘a good trim.’ This saw two thirds of the ears uncovered and the back taken high above the shirt collar. This was far more than any of them had ever cut from Angus’s hair. Angus continued to sleep, mumbling, and snoring away. Next George started to work with his thinning shears with an intensity that even surprised himself. Being careful not to bang the shears into Angus’s head, George was like a demon, thinning away Angus’s full thick hair. As he ran the comb behind the shears, he smiled at the way the bulk was being reduced. Soon Angus was looking like a man who clung to his thinning hair with an unattractive combover. He cut the thinned out forelock that had reached the bottom of George’s nose to his eyebrows level, so that it would clearly disconnect from the shorter sides and constantly fall forward. The hair on top was now so wispy that the slightest breeze would blow it around. For good measure, as he cleaned the back, he took the sideburns from the bottom of Angus’s ears to the middle. As the other barbers tried to hold back their laughter, George lightly shook Angus’s shoulder to wake him. Angus was a bit groggy as he awakened and did not immediately realize what had happened. George stood directly in front of him so that he could not see into a mirror. "You fell asleep sir, but I followed your directions as best as I could. George then moved away so that Angus could see himself in the mirror. "Trimmed and thinned, just as you ordered."

Angus’s eyes grew wide as he studied the devastation wrought on his formerly thick and glossy hair. "Why didn’t you wake me, why didn’t you communicate with me. This is an abomination! I look ridiculous."

George responded. "You have been coming to this shop for years. You never show me or my colleagues any respect, you never communicate fully with us about how you want your haircut and you always complain. You never think our work deserves a gratuity, yet you continue to come back. How dare you complain." George turned to his colleagues, "boys did I not do exactly what this noncommunicative client asked?" His colleagues agreed with George. So, I’m finally giving you what you wanted, a free haircut. If you ever return to my shop, your attitude better have improved.

Angus got out of the chair, red-faced and fuming, and stormed out of the shop. Once he was gone George’s colleagues went over and congratulated him, assuming they had seen the last of Angry Angus. They then proceeded to tidy up the shop and close for the evening. Angus got into his car, looked into the vanity mirror on the visor and actually shed some tears. He thought "thank goodness it is Friday and, at least I can hide away for the weekend." When he got home he saw his wife’s car in the garage and steeled himself for further recriminations from last night and her anticipated response to the haircut.

He walked into the kitchen to find his wife sitting at the kitchen table with her back to him. "Angus," she started to say, "things have to change, you have to change."

"Frances," Angus said to his wife, in despair, "if you look at me, you will see that I have changed."

His wife stood, turned around and literally caught her breath, "my gawd, Angus what have you done to your hair? It looks bizarre."

Angus sat down at the kitchen table and tears again welled in his eyes. "I was so tired when I sat down in the barber chair that I fell asleep and this is what the barber did."

Frances, used to Angus placing the blame on anyone but himself, asked, "are you telling me the whole story Angus? Because I am so annoyed about the state of our relationship that I’ll go down to that barber shop and ask them. Now you tell me the whole story and you know I can tell when you are prevaricating."

Angus had become aware that his wife did have a gift for getting to the heart of a matter. He also realized lat night, as he tossed and turned on that bumpy sofa, that a reckoning was coming. His mother had warned him, his father had counselled him. They both could see that he was not treating Frances well and that she was nearing the end of her patience. The last thing that they wanted was his marriage to break up and (heaven forfend) him moving back home. So, Angus told the story of the haircut from beginning to end.

Frances listened without interruption. "So, it sounds like these barbers have been very patient with your antics for as long as I have," she said when he had finished. "Have you any idea how completely emotionally debilitating it is when you are constantly dealing with another person who seems not to value you or to be willing to share in responsibility?" She then turned to discussion to their own relationship and they talked for several hours. Angus agreed to marriage counselling and to becoming a better partner and husband. Finally, Frances said, "tomorrow, I suggest you go back to that barbershop, first thing and apologize to the barbers and ask them to salvage what they can." Angus knew he did not want to go to work on Monday with his balding combover look, so he agreed.

He checked the barbershop website and saw that they opened at 8:00 AM, He set his alarm, and back in the conjugal bed, he got a good night’s sleep. At 7:45, his favorite Yankees baseball cap on his head, Angus arrived at the barbershop, just as the barbers arrived. Before the barbers could say a word, Angus said, "gentlemen, I am here to apologize for my previous obnoxious behavior and to ask for your indulgence." He was invited into the shop where he removed his cap and jacket and hung them up. "My wife thought that you might be able to give me another haircut, no matter how short, that will allow me to look a little less like this," he said, pointing to the top of his head.

George responded, "first off sir, I am George, and these are my colleagues Mike and Dave." Each of the barbers shook Angus’s hand in turn. "We accept your apology and are happy to start over again with you. I’m afraid that we’ll have to give you a rather short haircut today to get past our misunderstanding of yesterday."

"You fellows are the experts, please tell me what you think might work."

George got him caped and in the chair. "We could try a short Ivy League haircut. We would fade the sides and back quite tightly and then crop what is left on top and comb it forward. We might even be able to fashion a bit of a quiff up front. If you don’t like that, we can always go with a traditional buzz or a buzz with a short bumper up front."

"Let’s try the Ivy League," said Angus, I didn’t quite have the grades to get into any of the Ivy League colleges, so that might be fun."

The feel of the clippers running up the back of his head was something new and kind of exciting for Angus. He liked the tingle he felt as more and more of his hair was stripped away. As George continued to the sides, Angus was almost giddy when George said, "Look at that, you have perfectly shaped ears that lay against the sides of your head. Just what a guy needs to make an Ivy work." Angus couldn’t believe the transformation he was witnessing in the mirror. Gone were his sideburns, gone was the padding of hair that had long adorned the side of his head. His neck felt the breeze from the air conditioner in the shop. As George trimmed away the thinned hair on top, Angus saw the years that the combover style from yesterday had added, taken away. The tightness of the fade and the elegance of the quiff George created made his look and feel younger. When George covered the bottom of his head and neck with warm shaving cream and began to scrape it way, Angus loved the feel of it all. A bit of product worked in to the short hair on top and Angus was a new man.

As Angus rose from the chair, he said, "George, you are a miracle worker. This is the best haircut of the many good haircuts I have received in this shop. He then paid for his haircut and gave tips to each of the three barbers, "in compensation for tips I should have been giving you."

George told him that if he wanted to grow his hair out, he could come in for a free cleanup in a month. And if he decided to stay with the Ivy, it might need more regular visits. "Thanks, George, I’ll need to discuss it with my wife. I’m trying to communicate better with her too."

And so, Angry Angus became Ivy Angus, at least for a while.

---