Growth: Prologue by Jamiesstories2

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A/N: Hello lovelies. Long time no see.

Sincerest apologies for the new name, my old email has unfortunately been lost to time, but I do promise it is still the same old author behind the screen.

This story is the slowest of slow burns so don’t worry, I won’t be offended if you sit this one out. I’ve tried to keep things consistently interesting though. I want to keep you on the edge and coming back for more…

Growth: Prologue

As Alex pulled up to his parent’s house, he was shaking with anger.

It had all started only two days ago, when he was packing in preparation for winter break, and his phone had lit up with a text from his mom:

"Your father and I are getting divorced."

As he was still trying to collect his thoughts, he was greeted with a teary phone call from his younger sister, Catherine, breaking the news to him for the second time that day. He wanted to be there for her, he really did, but that night he asked to be left alone. He felt a pang of guilt. He didn’t want to abandon her, but he needed time to collect his thoughts.

He could only sit, stationary, on his bed. His parents had always had what he considered to be the perfect relationship. Sure, there were ups and downs, but there were ups and downs in every marriage and his parents were no different. What had done it? What had made his parents turn their back on their marriage, their future, and… their religion.

Guilt and shock morphed to anger as he ruminated on it. His parents had always been the religious type, the very religious type. The no gays, no promiscuity, no divorce religious type. The keep your son from coming out of the closet because he’s scared he’ll be disowned religious type, although that grievance might be specific to him alone.

"The value of marriage," He scoffed at the thought. He was sure his parents wouldn’t be nearly as amenable to any big news he might deliver this holiday season.

Over the next day, Alex was bombarded with text messages and phone calls from his mom, dad and other family. As the legal stuff was being figured out, his sister had chosen to stay with his dad, Trevor. And so it was decided that his dad would keep the house, for now, and Christmas would be held in its normal place, with one less guest. Alex could only scoff coldly at the news; it was going to be an awkward holiday.

So, as he was moving up the driveway of what was now just his dad’s house, he was angry. He was angry at his parents for being hypocrites, he was angry at them for divorcing at such an important time in Catherine’s life, disrupting her studying for the SAT with huge emotional baggage, and, most pettily, he was pre-angry at his father for what he knew was about to happen: The Discussion, not about the divorce, but about his damn hair.

From the time he entered school until his high school graduation, Alex had been given the monthly buzz from his father. A #2 butch that never seemed to fail to make him cry. Once he entered college in September of this year, he had taken it as a chance to be independent and finally grow his hair out. And what hair it turned out to be! Dark brown and thick with just enough wave to give it texture and volume. Alex thanked his lucky stars he had avoided the crippling male pattern baldness of his father and brother, who were both already thinning by freshman year.

His hair was currently in the awkward phase: too short to tie back, too long to look presentable unless he tied it back. But however awkward it was, it pretty clearly screamed "I’m growing my hair out," And he was sure that would be an awful conversation with his father.

As he got out of the car, he was greeted by his sister, running down the driveway and slamming her head into his chest. After regaining his balance from the force of her greeting, he wrapped his arms around her and rubbed her back. Catherine had never been the type to express emotion, preferring to bury it under many layers of cuss words and biting sarcasm. Truth be told, Alex had been shocked to even receive a phone call from her when it all went down. Catherine pulled out of the hug and Alex regarded her. He smiled, but was sure his eyes betrayed what he was really feeling.

"How are ya holding up Cat?"

"Better, now that you’re here, but I wish mom would get off my a**," she replied. A sort-of gruff annoyance permeating her voice as it often did.

"Glad to see your vocabulary hasn’t changed one bit," Alex replied, grinning cheekily.

Catherine rolled her eyes.

"Speaking of change," she said, dragging out the last syllable and eying his hair, "I see you’ve kept up your rebellious streak." She said it with a thick layer of sarcastic annoyance, but quickly dropped the act and reached up to ruffle his mop. Alex ducked away as fast as her hand came. Probably from the forced shearings, he had developed a good amount of anxiety over people playing with or even touching his hair. Catherine had learned this over thanksgiving and, per the little sibling code of conduct, took advantage of her discovery whenever she could.

"Oh sorry," Catherine teased, "I forgot you have a thing about your hair."

"Shut up and help me bring my things inside," Adam responded just as playfully, "and let's talk about my hair as little as possible. I don’t think dad’s gonna be as cheerful about it as you."

Alex and Catherine made their way upstairs and put Alex’s luggage down in his old room. There were three bedrooms in the house, and ever since Alex’s older brother, Corey, had left for college, Alex and Catherine had acclimated to having their own rooms. The living arrangements remained the same now when Alex came back for break: Corey and Catherine shared a room and Alex got one all to himself. It worked out, as Alex usually ended up going to bed last, always immersed in his latest book or staying up late with his journal.

Catherine sat down on the bed as Alex began to unpack, and, for just a moment, it felt as if everything would be okay.

Of course, that moment lasted as long as moments do before his father came into the room, face red and puffy. Alex stood up and came eye-to-eye with the man. Although he had hit his growth spurt all the way back in junior year of high school, he had never really gotten used to meeting his dad straight on.

"Hey dad," he muttered. The anger against his parents and newfound confidence in his hair left him like air out of a balloon.

"Son," he replied after an awkwardly long pause, "you need a haircut."

‘So that’s how we’re gonna play it’ Alex thought, ‘no mention of the life changing event that occurred only two days ago?’ He could almost feel his sister roll her eyes behind him. Alex purposely chose a different approach, no need to start a fight within the first five minutes of him being there.

"I just wanted to try something new," he stated in a calm, yet firm, tone. They entered a staring match, but his dad must have decided this wasn’t the hill he wanted to die on.

"I just didn’t know I had two daughters," he finally declared, "Finish unpacking. Corey will be here soon, and we’ll have dinner when he gets here."

The mention of his older brother was enough to make the anxiety Alex had tamped down bubble up anew. He and Corey had always had a… fine relationship, but throughout high school, Alex had developed the habit of turning to Catherine for serious advice or conversations.

It wasn’t entirely purposeful, he didn’t hate Corey, but he had always felt like a bit of a punching bag. The butt end of a joke that he wasn’t old enough or masculine enough to understand. And so, as if the universe sensed his distress, he was to imminently receive a heaping helping of Corey.

Catherine hopped off the bed and began to help Alex unpack, turning towards him with a sympathy in her eyes.

"Dad can be such a d*** sometimes."

"It’s okay, Cat," Alex responded with a soft smile, "He’s definitely a d***, but you and I both know that’s only because he cares about us."

"Yeah, yeah, preachy whatever. You act like you’re not even a teenager anymore," Catherine complained, "You know you’re still nineteen dumba**."

"Cat," Alex scolded, "You can’t be mad all the time, it’s only gonna give you migraines."

Catherine rolled her eyes, but chose not to respond in a rare moment of surrender, "It’s probably not a great idea to start a big fight now. He’s got… a lot on his plate."

At this point the unpacking was mostly completed and Alex leaned against the leg of the bed, turning to face his sister.

"You’ve got a lot on your plate too, Cat."

"Alex don’t f***ing startâ€""

"I mean it," Alex cut her off, "I know I blew you off the other night, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t talk about this."

"Alex," She warned, "Let’s not talk about the other night, okay? That wasn’t me, you know that."

"No, Cat, I’m pretty sure that was you. Just the part you hide from everybody," Alex faltered for a moment, unsure of what exactly to say, "I guess- I just want you to know you can talk to me."

Catherine sighed, acquiescing to her brother’s pleading gaze.

"It’s been a lot, and everybody has been so weird about it. It’s like it’s happening and not happening at the same time. I mean--" she paused, took a breath, and continued, "mom’s not here, and she called me like five f***ing times today, and the first thing dad has to say to you after he’s clearly been crying is about your f***ing hair?! I don’t get it! What I’m supposed to say, what I’m supposed to do, how I’m supposed to act, as if my whole world isn’t crumbling around me!" She collapsed into Alex’s chest for the second time today, and Alex could feel her shoulders shaking. Alex put his arm around her and stroked her long blonde hair as she cried.

Eventually, she took a long shaky breath and sat up, away from his shoulder.

"Thanks," she whispered, and then returned to a now comfortable silence, breathing the sighs of her catharsis.

XXXXX

After ample time to recollect their thoughts, the pair could hear the sound of tires crunching gravel. They looked at each other for a moment before simultaneously standing and walking downstairs to greet their older brother. Corey had always been the most boisterous of the three, and the one who got along best with their dad. They were similar in almost every way, from their appearance to their deepest personalities.

"You called him right?" Catherine asked, almost as an afterthought.

"No? Why is it my job to call him?" Alex responded, a level of disbelief in his voice.

"You’re saying that neither of us called him? Christ, Alex, he’s probably taking this the hardest of all of us."

"Again, why is it my job to call him?"

"Don’t you two have some brotherly bond? What makes you think I would call him?"

Alex opened his mouth to respond, but no sound escaped. In a last ditch effort he found his excuse.

"Womanly touch?"

Catherine sighed and held her head in her hands. Finally she wordlessly sneered at Alex as if to sarcastically say ‘thanks.’

The sound engine stopped and both siblings paused near the bottom of the staircase as a moment later the doorknob turned and the door swung open. The moment Alex saw his brother, he was bowled over by a wave of shock. As Catherine ran forward to greet Corey with sweetness that had not been in her voice a moment earlier, Alex could do nothing but stand and stare.

Corey was still the same Corey as before: same bright blue eyes (the only thing all three Lee children had in common), same 6’1" height with the same slightly stockier build than Alex, and the same smattering of stubble across his face. The only difference was his hair, or, well, his newfound lack of it.

‘F***,’ Alex thought to himself in dismay, ‘I’m never going to hear the end of my hair.’ Only to be snapped out of his trance by his brother’s excited yell.

"Alex! How are ya buddy?"

"Hey," Alex responded, overly extending the word to give himself time to recover from the spell, "your, uh… your hair," was all he could manage to sputter out. Catherine chuckled lightly, knowing how uncomfortable he was just talking about the topic. Corey smiled even wider.

"Yeah, I was already thinning so I thought I might as well just go all the way," he explained casually, running a hand over his newly shaven head.

Suddenly, Alex felt a stirring below his midriff. ‘What is going on?’ He thought, desperately, unable to find a single reason why his body would suddenly find a goddamn haircut appealing.

Corey pulled Alex from his thoughts once again.

"How do you like it? I can’t tell if you’re surprised or if you hate it."

"No! It, uh, looks good," Alex responded, attempting to regain his composure, "it’s just… different, yeah." He was almost trying to convince himself.

"You seem to like it," Corey said jovially, reaching up and ruffling Alex’s hair faster than he could slip away, "You sure you don’t want me to do the same to you? I’m sure dad has clippers."

"HA, HA, HA," Alex coughed out nervously. Catherine was now full on laughing in the corner, unnoticed by either brother. While she would often pretend to forget about Alex’s fear to mess with him, Corey was truly clueless. But as Alex ran out of words to say that didn’t sound like a garbled mess, he shot Catherine an SOS stare. The giggling girl caught on fast enough to the imminent crisis, although Alex alone was still trapped in the much larger emotional turmoil of his quickly hardening… ahem.

"C’mon Corey, Alex was lucky to avoid balding like you or dad. Let him have that," she joked, finally pulling the attention away from the petrified Alex.

"You are right," Corey responded, almost wistfully, "it’s a shame dad never let you grow your hair out. It really is quite a mop."

Alex, who was still recovering from his brother’s most recent attack, turned beet red once again and only managed to stutter out a quiet, "Thanks."

"Don’t let me hear you complimenting Alex’s hair again, he doesn’t need any more motivation to grow that thing out!" Trevor exclaimed, wandering into the entrance hall. This got a couple chuckles out of both Catherine and Corey and an exasperated, "Dad," out of Alex.

Corey and Trevor exchanged warm greetings before a momentary silence fell over the room. A silence that would usually be filled by the ever-joyful Alice, coming for her motherly greetings from the kitchen. Corey was quick to cut the moment short.

"It smells amazing dad! Is dinner ready? I’m starving."

"In fact," Trevor responded, "I’m just finishing up, why don’t you go get unpacked and meet us in the kitchen."

"Sure," Corey replied and walked out to his car to get the rest of his luggage. Alex was torn between helping Corey or helping his dad, neither seeming like particularly appealing options. He waited to see which way Catherine was going, but his dad sensed his indecisiveness.

"Alex, come help me set the table. Catherine can help Corey with his luggage."

It was said as a casual remark, but the whole room could sense it was a command. Alex complied, following his father into the spacious kitchen while Catherine separated from Alex, heading out to the driveway to help Corey carry in his clothes.

Alex was dreading the solo conversation his dad had forced him into, but it ended up to be one of the tamest bits of small talk he'd had all day. His dad proceeded to ask him how school was, if he was making any more new friends, and what his professors were like. Alex proceeded to tell him what kids always told the adults. School? Good. Friends? Good. Professors? Good.

Alex neglected to tell him that he was planning to stay in DC after graduation, neglected to tell him that he was making new friends from the local Gay Students' Alliance on campus, neglected to tell him about one of his professors, who was encouraging him to leave his prospective major of communications behind for something that actually suited his interests, classics. This revelation would be the worst news of all for his father, the very man who had talked him down from one of those "silly, useless degrees" into something more "sensible."

It was these moments that Alex felt his success in school betrayed him. With a dream major of classics and a dream job of high school teacher, all he ever heard was questions as to why he would waste his "impressive intelligence" or "useful talents" on something as unprofitable as education. Alex had decided long ago not to mention the subjects ever again. When he set his major as classics and got a job in education, he would have that argument with his father. Now was not the time.

Dinner was indeed delicious. It had always been a collaborative effort in the Lee household and Trevor was able to easily hold his own. There was some discussion of Alex’s first semester at school, of Corey’s junior year in his college, and of Catherine’s junior year of high school, including the list of colleges their dad wanted her to attend. There was no discussion of the elephant in the room, or, really anything that went against the very well held values of the Lee family.

After dinner, the family relaxed together on the couch to watch a Christmas movie. Catherine and Alex sat together under a blanket like every Christmas before, leaving the insanity behind for a moment. Alex was glad to be with the comfort of his sister, and he was sure Catherine reciprocated. Neither would yet approach the idea that in just a few weeks, Alex would be going back to school.

After their dad went to bed, the three siblings crowded together in Catherine’s room. Everyone knew in their gut what was about to happen, but no one wanted to be the one to say the first word. Catherine and Corey sat on their beds while Alex placed his lanky figure on the floor, leaning against the opposite wall.

"So what’s up with you guys?" Corey began cheerfully.

Catherine and Alex made eye contact, this was going to be difficult if Corey insisted on closing himself off.

"Corey-" Catherine started, clearly sounding too sympathetic for Corey’s tastes.

"Watch your tone Catherine, you sound like you’re talking to a child coming down from a damn tantrum."

"Corey," Alex started himself, attempting to find the best way to phrase his next move, "let’s not act like what’s happening, well, isn’t happening."

Corey simply rolled his eyes.

"I doubt they’re actually going to go through with it," he replied, sounding mostly calm, but with a twinge of a tone too cold for Corey’s usual, cheery manner.

"What?" Catherine let slip. Being the youngest and most impulsive, it was no surprise she sometimes let her thoughts roll off her tongue, but her incredulous tone cut through the cordial coldness of the conversation in a dangerously sharp manner.

"You heard me Catherine, do you really think they have the guts to go through with it?"

Alex could feel the iciness of Corey’s response this time, and he tried to play the diplomat in response.

"No need to get angry here, we’re all in this to support each other, okay?"

Corey rolled his eyes again.

"Alright Alex," Corey turned his wrath toward the younger man, "No need for the f***ing kumbaya circle. It’ll fall apart soon enough, I’m sure of it," Corey responded with a chilled and breathless laugh. His stress was obvious this time though, that the so-called "temporary" divorce would become a permanent one.

"Look, Corey, I hate to say it, but I think they’re for real," Catherine responded, careful to not sound as abrasive as before.

"And what would you know? You’re not even an adult yet," Corey accused.

"Not to gang up on you Corey-"

Alex was stopped almost as soon as he started.

"Not to gang up on me, really? How sweet you guys," Corey interrupted, his voice dripping with sarcasm, "You’re such liars! You always gang up on me. You two have some sort of special bond." The word "bond" was said with such contempt, you’d think it was a sin.

"Can I-" Alex began, a sarcastic retort locked and loaded, but he stopped himself, it was best not to fight fire with fire.

He crafted a new response.

"Corey, we’re really not trying to gang up on you, but Catherine might be right. We don’t have the whole picture, she’s the only one living here anymore."

Alex smiled weakly to attempt to communicate the pacificity in the response.

Corey exhaled shakily.

"F***," He let out with his sigh, an admission. His head dropped, heavy like a stone into his hands below. Alex and Catherine rushed over.

Up close, he seemed exhausted, finally out of the rage-fueled energy required to pretend the divorce was nothing.

Corey had never been a crier, always being the one to take "boys don’t cry" to heart out of he and Alex. To this day, he refused to shed a tear. Catherine reached out and took his hand, but he seemed not to react to the sympathy. Alex knew what his brother needed, and it wasn’t, well, "womanly touch."

"Cat, not that I think there’s anything wrong with you being here, but do you mind giving me and Corey a second alone?" Catherine appeared slightly offended, but decided not to push it, getting up and leaving the room.

"Corey," Alex started, searching for a way to communicate his empathy, "I know you want to hide, but you don’t have to hide from me, I’m your brother for f***’s sake." Corey looked up, Alex felt his aura of absolute defeat before he spoke a single word.

"I feel like I’m going through an existential crisis," Corey started. There was silence, but Alex let it sit, waiting for Corey to fill it, "I always thought they were perfect."

"I did, too."

"Am I going to be like dad, someday?" Corey asked, desperately, "I love my girlfriend, I love her to bits, but am I going to f*** it up?"

"That’s up to you, Corey," Alex declared, "but just because dad did doesn’t mean you have to."

Corey nodded, starting to take a few shaky breaths. They sat together for a moment longer; Alex knew there was nothing else he could say, but he hoped Corey felt his love.

"Jesus, I can’t believe my little siblings just saw me like that," Corey muttered, eventually. It was filled with sadness, but Alex heard a little hint of levity in it, too. Alex shrugged.

"We’re all getting so old!" He declared, jokingly, "I’m basically a senior citizen."

Corey laughed.

Both brothers paused. Alex lost himself in his own reflection: he had felt disconnected from his parents for a long time; the divorce only made him feel as if he was the older brother, finally guiding Corey through his first breaths of independence.

"Don’t ever feel bad about asking for help, okay?" Alex eventually said.

Silence.

"I feel like you’re so much more mature than me," Corey finally whispered back.

"C’mon Corey, you know that’s not true," Alex soothed.

Truthfully, Alex was unsure of how much he believed his statement of lesser maturity, but his brother’s pride was hurt enough.

"I’m just better at acting independent."

Corey snorted.

"A lot better," he joked.

For the first time since they’d sat down, the mood lightened, and both brothers began to laugh, although at what they were not totally sure.

Catherine knocked on the bedroom door.

"I hear you two idiots laughing in there. Is it safe for me to return?" Alex made eye contact with Corey, and Corey nodded.

"Very safe."

"Perfect," Catherine replied as she reentered the room, "you two take forever to resolve your emotional issues." That brought forth another bout of laughter from both boys and a clear indication that the tension was over. Alex stood from his perch on the edge of Corey’s bed.

"I think I’m going to go to bed," he announced.

"It’s, like, 10:30," Corey said with surprise.

"Please, Corey, he's not actually going to sleep, he’s just a nerd doing nerdy things in his room," Catherine joked, "Like a huge nerd… Ain’t that right Alex?"

"Well, I wouldn’t put it like that," Alex replied, only to be met with a snide,

"See? Just like I said," from his sister.

As he closed the door for the night, the last thing he heard was his siblings' laughter.

XXXXX

A week passed with very few events worth mentioning. Alex visited his mother, without the company of his two other siblings, which was just about as enjoyable as he expected it to be. Alex did love his mother very much, let's be clear, but if you were to ask most people, visiting a recent divorcee whose daughter chose to stay with the other parent is not something they would enjoy doing. Alex, bit the bullet, however, and visited as an envoy for the family.

His mother was a beautiful woman and certainly outdid Alex’s father in looks. Both Alex and Catherine had inherited their mother’s thin figure and Alex was the sole heir of her terrible eyes, which he corrected with small, circular glasses. She was also the proprietor of the bright blue eyes all three Lee children shared, and the golden locks she had given Catherine (both males of the family had inherited their father’s chocolate brown hair). Although there were some differences between Alex and his mother, if you were to stand them next to one another, there would be no debate that Alex was his mother's son.

Alex’s mother spent much of the visit lamenting over the loss of her daughter and complaining about Alex’s father. She also found time, of course, to express her distaste for Alex’s hair and his "burgeoning obsession" with classics, which seemed to be the only thing his mother and father could agree on anymore. Alex left her new apartment feeling no better than when he entered, possibly worse.

XXXXX

Alex came home to Catherine sitting at the kitchen counter doing her homework. Corey was upstairs taking a nap and their dad had gone to the office for a meeting with a client. Alex sat down next to her before getting up again to find some junk food to console himself. In the end, he was left with an overly sweet blueberry muffin that did nothing but make him very thirsty. Catherine noticed his mood and put her homework down.

"You look bad, Alex, did mom abuse you that much?" Alex removed his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

"She was just pissed-- pissed about you, pissed about dad, pissed about my life choices."

"Don’t tell me she’s mad about classics, too."

"Mad as ever. Please tell me you have a satisfying career path ahead of you because Corey and I can’t take much more of this."

"Actually," Catherine paused, unsure of whether she would be met with derision or praise, "I’m really interested in architecture; dad even offered to set up an internship for me in the office."

Alex smiled, a real smile, for the first time that day.

"That’s awesome, Cat. Do you think you’d want to do that as a career?"

"I wouldn’t go that far, yet, but I’m pretty sure I won’t be a disappointment like you," Catherine joked.

The pair continued to talk, and Alex’s mood began to brighten.

Yet, through it all, there his sexuality remained, a dark cloud. Every time she opened up to him he felt that he owed her the truth, that he was actively lying every time they spoke, that by the end of the trip he had to tell her.

XXXXX

The next morning, Alex woke to the sound of voices downstairs. That was not unusual, and when he checked his watch he saw that it was around nine. He walked downstairs, ready to get some coffee and start the day when he was greeted with a sight much too alarming for the morning.

In front of him was his brother, seated in a chair from the dining room, a towel wrapped around his neck. Above stood his father, trusty clippers in hand, shearing his brother down once again. High school flooded back, with memories of sitting in the same chair, being attacked by the same clippers, and, of course, the tears that came after. Yet, this time, the cut was shorter, as not even a suggestion of the stubble that was once there remained on the top of Corey’s head.

When Alex appeared in the entrance to this scene he stopped in his tracks, wordless with shock and fear. Corey was the first to notice him, and smiled.

"Morning Alex! Dad was nice enough to shave me down while I’m here."

Catherine was the next to notice him, giggling at the situation with the knowledge only she had of his fear.

Trevor was the last to notice the frightened young adult.

"Alex, how nice of you to join us. I can always shave you down after if you’d like," Trevor said with a smile of his own.

Alex was too groggy and too shocked to process any of this, though, and remained trapped in place. Suddenly, he noticed the telltale stirring of arousal once again, and again, wondered what the f*** was wrong with his brain.

His first and only escape plan was to simply stare at Catherine in desperation. And, although she took her sweet time enjoying the tableaux in front of her, she eventually caught onto the message Alex was trying to communicate.

"Alex, do you need my help?" She quickly asked.

"Yes!" Alex nearly yelled out of relief for a possible exit strategy, "I need your help with…"

"The sink?" Catherine filled in his blank, "Sometimes it acts a bit funny."

"Y- yes, the sink," Alex spit out, awkwardly. Catherine got up and walked over to Alex.

"I guess I better help you with that sink issue."

Her line spurred Alex into action and they left the entrance hall together. Alex desperately trying not to look frantic, while also trying to escape that scene as fast as possible. As soon as they were out of earshot Alex began to sing his praises towards the girl.

"No problem dude," Catherine dismissed him, "although I am slightly sad, watching you that scared was kind of fun."

"It wasn’t fun for me!" Alex exclaimed.

"I never said it was fun for you, I just said it was fun," Catherine clarified, chuckling a bit at her brother’s misfortune.

Alex was able to hide in the bathroom until he heard the sound of the demonic clippers cease, but he remained shaken from the experience.

XXXXX

The next morning, Alex woke to silence, a comforting sound after the adventures of yesterday. He meandered downstairs with slightly more caution than the day before, but when he came downstairs all he found was his sister eating a doughnut at the kitchen counter.

"Where are Corey and dad?" Alex asked, more relieved than anything.

"Out somewhere," Catherine responded casually.

"Do you have any more information, or is ‘out somewhere’ all you’re gonna give me?" Alex asked sarcastically, pouring out a cup of coffee for himself.

Catherine laughed.

"They told me where they were going, but, if I’m being honest, I don’t care. All I heard is that they’ll be back around one."

Alex silently rejoiced at the prospect of peace and quiet, something that was rare with his brother and father in the same place. The siblings began the morning together in comfortable silence. But, as Alex was finishing his cup of coffee, Catherine piped up.

"Can I ask you a question Alex?"

"Yeah, sure, what’s up?" Alex responded.

"What’s up with you?"

At first, Alex interpreted it as a joke, but when he turned to face Catherine, he saw she was not smiling. Alex’s expression grew dark to match hers.

"What do you mean, Cat?"

"You know what I mean. The whole time you’ve been here there’s been something slightly off with you, like there’s something eating at your mind," Catherine said with concern, "I’m worried about you, Alex."

Alex wasn’t ready, he wasn’t f***ing ready, how could he lie straight to her face, but even more so, how could he tell her what was actually going on? In no imaginary scenario had this ever been how he expected things to go.

"Cat, c’mon, there’s been a bit of a big event hanging over our heads. Everything’s just different without mom."

"At first, I thought that was all it was, but that’s not it. You weren’t happier after you came back from seeing mom, if anything you were worse. We’ve had time to get used to this new arrangement, but you’re still acting… strange."

Alex was trapped, he knew what he had to do.

"If I tell you," he started, "It stays between the two of us, understand?"

"Of course, Alex, you think I’d spill your secret?" Catherine responded, slightly too light in tone for what Alex was about to say.

"No Cat, I mean it. This stays between us."

"Okay," Catherine responded, with more concern, "Alex what’s wrong?" Alex took a deep breath.

"Cat I’m- I’m gay." The siblings let the statement ring in the air for a moment, Catherine digested the words.

"For real?"

"For real."

"No lies?"

"No lies. Is that okay?"

"Oh Alex, of course it is!" Catherine squashed all his fears in one phrase.

"You understand why you can’t tell anyone now, right?" Alex clarified.

"Trust me," Catherine assured him, "This stays between us. Although, I do want constant updates on my brother’s romantic adventures."

"I never agreed to that."

"You did when you told me," Catherine said in a sing-songy voice, bringing some humor back into the conversation.

"Oh hey," Alex started, trying to think of the best way to word his next question, "speaking of conversations I was too afraid to have until this very moment…"

"Good lord, what now?" Catherine joked, clearly interested in what was about to come.

"What do you think of my hair?" Alex posed the question quite tentatively.

"The truth?" Catherine asked, flaring Alex’s worst fears.

"Yes? Is it that bad?"

"No, no, no! That’s not what I meant!" Catherine tried to verbally back up, "I like it! Who knew you had such pretty hair!"

"Thank you," Alex responded shyly.

"But," Catherine continued, overly extending the word, "Can I touch?" Alex rolled his eyes.

"Fine."

Catherine reached out to gingerly take a lock of hair in her fingers:

"See these fuzzy ends? That comes from growing out a buzz like the ones dad used to give you. You should really get a proper trim to clean these up."

"Oh, okay. Since when did you know so much about hair?" Alex asked, pleasantly surprised that his sister actually enjoyed his hair.

"I don’t want to talk about it," Catherine responded, suddenly turning red.

"What does that mean?" Alex asked, now she had his attention.

"My-," she cut off suddenly, "my boyfriend is growing out his hair, too." It came out all at once, as if she had only spoken one word.

"Your what is growing out his hair?" Alex was taken aback at Catherine’s sudden confession, "Since when did you have a boyfriend?"

"Shut up! I just- I do. Okay?"

"Wow," Alex responded, "didn’t know you were so touchy about it."

"I’m not-," Catherine cut herself off again, "I just don’t want dad to know, okay? I’m not sure who he’ll kill first: me or my boyfriend."

"Yeah, no problem. Back to that first part, though," Alex said, "you said he’s growing it out?"

"Yeah, why?" Catherine casually asked, "You need more advice?"

"Have you ever- have you ever cut his hair?" Alex asked, close to a whisper, waiting for her to understand.

"Alex, no! It’s so much pressure!"

"But you have?" Alex asked, tentatively.

"No, I haven’t, I’ve just-"

"Just, what?"

"I watched a couple tutorials, in case he asks," Catherine admitted, "But the offer does not extend to my brother!"

"C’mon Cat," Alex pleaded, "I trust you! Besides, where else am I gonna get a haircut?"

Catherine gave Alex an incredulous look.

"Literally any barbershop, Alex. Besides, what happens when you go back to school?"

"I’m planning on growing it out so I won’t need super regular haircuts, and please don’t make me go to a barbershop. You know I’m touchy about my hair."

A staring contest commenced between the two siblings, but Catherine, being the younger, more inexperienced one, lost horrifically to Alex’s pleading look.

"Fine! I’ll cut your hair!" Catherine yelled in exasperation, "but you’ll have to wait until tonight, I don’t think we have enough time right now."

Alex inwardly gloated at his victory, but he knew it would probably be a bad idea to make Catherine mad right before she was going to cut his precious hair.

"Thank you, Cat!" He exclaimed as he hugged his sister.

"Go shower before I change my mind," Catherine replied with sarcastic contempt in her voice.

"Will do!" Alex yelled, already climbing the stairs.

XXXXX

The pair decided to cut Alex’s hair after dinner. Their dad was going to an architecture exhibit and Corey was meeting up with some old friends to go drinking-- the perfect opportunity for a secret haircut. As the event got closer, Alex started to feel his nerves compound. He trusted his sister, but he couldn’t help but think back to all the jokes she’d laughed at, and even the ones she’d made. Was she doing this simply to laugh at him? Alex couldn’t be sure, but what he could be sure of was that he didn’t want anyone else to cut his hair.

Alex was quite tense at dinner, but he was pretty sure that only Catherine noticed. Trevor was the first to leave, and Corey left about an hour later, commenting that Alex was acting "stranger than normal," which did not help Alex act any less strange. After both men left, Alex was not as hard-pressed to keep his fear under wraps. Although he was quite ashamed that he was this scared of something as simple as a haircut, he knew that Catherine already had a pretty good grasp of how nervous he was.

He was sitting on his bed as Catherine knocked on the door, causing him to jump about a foot in the air.

"Hey Alex," Catherine said, sweetly, "you ready to do this?"

Alex was surprised with the amount of sympathy contained within her voice.

"Um, yeah, I think so," Alex responded quietly, getting up off his bed and coming to the door. Rather than calming his nerves, her kindness only made Alex wonder what on earth she was planning.

"I already set everything up in the bathroom. Whenever you’re ready we can do this," Catherine explained while leading him to their shared bathroom. When Alex got there, he saw she was right. Catherine had set up one of their kitchen chairs facing the bathroom mirror with a towel hanging over the back, presumably to put around his shoulders. He was about to sit down when he noticed the spread of haircutting tools in front of him. A comb, spray bottle, hair clips, shears and... clippers! As soon as Alex noticed them he began to back away. Catherine noticed this, and, standing behind him, gently placed a hand on his back to stop him from moving further.

"Cat," Alex started, in a frightened voice.

"Yeah?" Catherine responded in an understanding tone.

"Why are there…" Alex trailed off for a moment, but Catherine waited for him to finish, "why are there clippers on that table?"

Catherine did her best not to laugh at her brother, but the pathetic nature of the question was just too much for her and she chuckled slightly.

"Alex-" she started, but she was cut off by the frantic worrying of one Alex Lee.

"No, no, no, no, I was already nervous and now there’s- and now there’s clippers just sitting there! Without a guard no less! I mean-" Alex’s voice began to increase in pitch as his worst fears came true before his eyes, but before he could spiral much further down into madness, Catherine cut him off.

"Alex," Catherine said slowly. It was a kind reassurance, but it also contained a little forcefulness in its tone, "I’m not going to shave your head." There was a pause as Alex tried to absorb what his sister had just said. Alex spoke, meekly:

"Then- then what are they for?"

"They’re just for the fuzz on the back of your neck," Catherine responded while running her fingers through the layer of peach fuzz on Alex’s neck. Catherine’s calming tone was all Alex needed to realize how ridiculous he had just acted.

"I’m sorry, Cat," he started, "I just freaked out on you, didn’t I?"

"Yeah a little bit," Catherine responded, but she didn’t sound annoyed, if anything, she sounded amused, "but if you're ready to chill, you can have a seat," she said, gesturing to the chair in front of them, "whenever you’re ready, I’ll start."

Alex walked over and sat down in the chair in front of him, trying his best not to look at the clippers lying just to his right. Catherine came behind him and smiled at him in the mirror, at the same time taking the towel from the back of the chair and placing it around Alex’s shoulders.

"Can- can you explain what you’re doing to me?" Alex asked, giving in to just how vulnerable he felt on the inside.

"Of course," Catherine responded.

She began to section the hair-- clipping his bangs back, while letting the sides and back hang loose. She took the comb and spray bottle and began to comb down the sides of his hair, the longest locks fully covering his ears when brushed out.

"Alex," Catherine started, knowing if she said this wrong, it could bring about a second wave of terror, "I’m going to need you to take off your glasses." Catherine couldn’t sense a reaction at first, but just to be sure she placed a hand on his shoulder that could be used for comfort or to keep him in the chair. Alex took a moment to register what she had said and felt a short wave of terror before realizing that it was just rational; Catherine wouldn’t be able to cut his hair properly if he didn’t remove his glasses, so he reached up and took them off.

Without his glasses, it was basically blind trust-- his vision was quite impaired and he couldn’t even make out his own facial features in the mirror in front of him. As soon as he realized the quite obvious fact that Catherine would essentially have full control, he felt the same arousal he had felt yesterday and at the beginning of his trip.

He still couldn’t understand it, hating it more each time it came back, why was he so aroused by his worst fear? Why couldn’t he take his mind off of the fact that he was submitting to a blind haircut? And how could he hide this embarrassing and confusing fact from his sister?

Although those first two questions were something Alex would need a lot more time to figure out, he seemingly did not have to worry about the third. Catherine did not seem to notice the growing bulge within Alex’s pants and was instead keeping her focus entirely on the hair on Alex’s head. She continued to methodically spray and comb Alex’s hair as if building up tension for the final moment.

After the unclipped parts of Alex’s hair were fully combed, they hung down, fully covering his collar and ears. Catherine once again placed her hands on Alex’s shoulders in preparation so that she could explain her plan.

"Okay, here’s what I’m going to do," she started, pausing a moment for any final protests from her client, "I’m going to start with the back and sides, I’m going to leave as much length as possible on the sides, but I want to go a little shorter in the back. Is that okay?"

"How much shorter?" Alex asked, nervously.

Catherine indicated by pressing into the back of his neck and Alex paused for a moment before reluctantly giving her permission. At this point, Alex was just as scared that Catherine would notice his bulge as he was of his haircut.

Catherine started in the back, figuring that she should probably get the hardest part over with first. She quickly picked up the shears and measured out how much she planned, about an inch-and-a-half, bringing it well above the collar. She knew it seemed mean, but, if Alex really was planning on growing it out, it would make his hair a lot more even in the long run. As soon as she opened the shears she closed them, attempting to make the event go as quickly as possible. Alex cringed as the scissors crunched their way through the first locks of his hair, knowing how much Catherine had just cut off, but, at the same time, he felt his pants grow much tighter. Clearly his worse half had a mind of its own, a mind very much opposed to everything Alex stood for. Seeing Alex’s anxious reaction, Catherine shifted her focus away from his hair for a moment.

"That was the worst of it," she reassured and Alex quietly nodded in agreement, beyond the point of forming words. Catherine then moved her shears to the right, progressively snipping less and less hair off as she came to the front, planning to leave enough length to tuck the sides behind his ears as they grew in tandem with the back.

Alex, meanwhile, was not focussed on Catherine’s grand plan; he couldn’t even see himself in the mirror. All he could see was more and more chestnut blobs covering a towel that used to be white, his visual impairment making it even harder to tell exactly how much hair was being cut. The thought of the dangerously unknown simultaneously brought Alex closer to panic and ecstasy.

Catherine remained blissfully unaware of Alex’s reactions, now moving to his left side to give it the same treatment as the right.

Snip, snip, snip.

Those scissors were removing more and more of Alex’s hair.

Snip, snip, snip.

The tension built, Alex felt every muscle in his body tighten in anticipation of something he could not name.

Snip, snip, snip.

He wanted her to stop. He wanted her to-

She stopped.

"Alex," she started, more tentative than ever, "how are you?" Alex took a deep breath and Catherine saw the cords of his neck begin to release.

"Alright…" Alex whispered, more tension leaving his body as he spoke. Catherine quietly ran her hands through the sides of his hair.

"You can put your glasses back on for a second," she quietly reassured, "it might help."

"No thanks Cat," Alex replied dejectedly, "I have no desire to see how much hair you chopped off."

"Alex," Catherine said, more forcefully this time, "Put your glasses back on."

Alex did as he was told, taking a moment to find them, due to his terrible depth perception. Once they were finally on, Alex looked in the mirror, expecting to find a completely different person. What he found, instead, was the very same Alex with slightly tidier hair. The chestnut blobs came into focus and lessened in size. Along with relief, a twinge of disappointment ran through his gut.

He ran his hands through the sides of his hair, but stopped short at the back.

"Can I see this too?" he asked, grabbing at the only part of his hair that was significantly shorter.

Catherine rolled her eyes at his majorly self-destructive tendencies.

"You can see it, but you have to promise not to freak out."

"I promise."

Catherine gave him a questioning look.

"Really, I promise," Alex reassured.

Catherine sighed and got a smaller hand mirror from one of the drawers of the bathroom vanity. She slowly held it up to the back of Alex’s head so he was able to see a reflection of the back of his head. Pause. Alex contemplated what he saw and took a deep breath.

"I like it."

Catherine put both hands over her heart in a relieved, if not slightly exasperated, manner.

"Thank God! I was afraid you would hate me!"

"Cat," Alex admonished, "I could never hate you."

Catherine gave him a knowing look.

"Lets get through the rest of this haircut first."

Alex took off his glasses again and sat back in submission. Catherine returned to back and the sides again, trying to layer them while also trying to avoid cutting off too much. She then proceeded to release the top and bangs from their clips. The hair flopped down in front of Alex’s face, looking slightly unruly, now that the sides and back had been thoroughly trimmed.

Catherine ensured Alex was faring well before moving on to the top. "Well" was possibly an overstatement of his condition, but he could handle it. She started from the back and worked her way forward, never snipping more than half an inch. Her intention was to leave everything as long as possible under the circumstances. If the occasion arose that he needed to dress up, he could always slick the top back and blend it into the right side of his hair with the way she had cut things. Although neither Catherine nor Alex thought it was the greatest look, it would have to do while Alex’s hair continued to grow. Even without the trim, Alex’s hair was still too short for the half-up, half-down look.

After final fixes, then another round of final fixes, then a third round of final fixes just for good measure Catherine showed her brother the final look. Again, Alex found that it did not seem so different from how it had looked an hour ago, only a bit more… intentional.

There was only one step left, yet Alex seemed to have forgotten. Catherine froze, trying to invent a non-scary way to pull out a pair of clippers in front of her brother, but Alex beat her to the punch.

"What’s up Cat?" He asked, innocently, noticing her pause.

"There’s still one part of the haircut left," Catherine said, still desperate for a pitch that didn’t sound absolutely awful.

Alex froze, this was his worst nightmare come true, his sister would give him this perfect haircut when, suddenly, she would pull out the clippers and give him a #2 buzzcut like his youth. As soon as the nightmare appeared, however, it morphed into a fantasy. What the hell? Alex desperately begged the clearly depraved half brain to drop whatever yin-yang act it had conjured up for its own personal entertainment. He did not want to shave his head. He did not want…

Catherine cut through the chaos

"Alex, I can tell you’re freaking out. It’s nothing major," she reassured, "I just don’t think you’ll enjoy it."

"What?" Alex asked, more confused than anything now.

"It involves… these," Catherine said quietly, gesturing to the dreaded clippers lying on the counter, her other hand moving to his shoulder in her now-practiced comfort strategy, "I still need to shave your neck."

Alex’s stomach sank again. This was nowhere near to the nightmare (fantasy) he’d thought was coming, but he did not think it was going to be a pleasant experience.

"Okay," he consented, "I understand."

Catherine grabbed the clippers and plugged them in, then gently placed her hand on the back of Alex’s head and bent it forward until his chin was touching his chest. Alex was reminded of that dreaded experience he had been forced to endure every month, but it felt different now. The hand was no longer forceful and authoritative, but, instead, kind and gentle. But as his nerves began to calm down, he noticed that the bulge, the side of his brain now receiving undivided attention, was nearly threatening to break the button of his pants at the thought of clippers touching his skin.

"You ready?" Catherine asked gently.

Alex took a deep breath.

"Yeah."

The sound of the clippers filled his ears as Catherine took all of the overhanging hair in her hands and held it back, exposing his neck. She slowly pushed the clippers up Alex’s neck, drawing from him a sound Alex did not even know his body could make. Luckily, his oral reaction was covered up by the clippers, but it didn’t stop him from turning beet-red. The machine was stopped as it reached Alex’s hairline, where Catherine moved it back down to the bottom of his neck, creating a second line free of peach fuzz. This process was repeated a few more times before the clippers were turned off and placed back on the counter.

"All done," Catherine declared.

Alex lifted his head as the towel was removed from his shoulders, desperately trying to think of every turn-off ever. However chaotic it was, though, it was also over. Alex did not have a buzzcut, nor a shaved head and, even though he remained quite anxious and even more confused, for the first time after a haircut, he was also happy.

XXXXX

Alex left a week later. The haircut was noticeable to anyone who dared to look closely, but that category did not include the person who would’ve been the most satisfied, his father. It took Corey a little while to notice the change, but the night before Alex left, Corey casually leaned into Alex’s room and asked: "Did you get a haircut?" After some prying, Alex admitted that, yes, he did get a haircut, but he wouldn’t tell Corey where he got it, for fear of relentless teasing.

The day he left, Catherine was the last face he saw. She gave him a tearful hug and reminded him to stay in touch. The goodbyes with his brother and father were much easier, but still full of "I love you" and "I’ll miss you." Alex was glad that he was leaving and sad at the same time. This Christmas, he knew even then, was one for the history books.

XXXXX

A/N: Only the beginning of a much longer saga I have planned for our lovely Alex, but I do hope you have enjoyed. Until next time.

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