Brian's Woes by AdamDreamcatcher

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Brian woke up with a start. He had a bad dream that he couldn’t remember but couldn’t get back to sleep, so he decided to get up.

Brian pulled out his phone in the early morning darkness and looked for pictures of men’s buzzcuts. For the past year, Brian had been growing his hair out. It had gotten reasonably long, past his collar in the back, and he could pull the front down to his lips. Brian liked the way hair felt as it gently moved on the sides of his and over his forehead. It hadn’t been this long since he was in his teens. Although Brian was now in his mid-fifties, he still had a full head of light brown hair with minimal grey, unlike his beard, which was now very grey. He was getting that nagging urge to cut it again.

When Brian was in the 7th grade in the early ’80s, one of Brian’s classmates had gotten a buzzcut. Brian remembered that he couldn’t stop staring at it, fantasizing about getting one, and just wanting to see what it was like. His urges didn’t make any sense to him at the time. It was the ‘80s, and long, wild hair was the norm. (Anybody with hair considered today's norm was either in the military or some nerd.) Brian was, obviously, too young for the Army, and he didn’t want to be considered a nerd, but he couldn’t stop thinking about that buzzcut.

A few years later, Brian joined the Army after high school. This was his first real chance to get his hair cut super short. He watched intently as the men before him had their hair shorn. When it was his turn in the chair, he savored every moment. He watched with delight as his hair fell onto the cape. Before he knew it, it was done, and Brian couldn’t stop rubbing his head. After basic training, Brian was stationed in Europe. Soldiers had to stay within regulations, but for safety reasons, when they left base, they were strongly encouraged to keep their hair long enough to blend in with the locals. Again, having short hair in the ‘80s and early ‘90s was challenging.

After Brian’s time in the Army, his hair was cut short many times—buzzcuts, flattops, high-and-tights, even shaved—but every time, many people (even barbers) told him it didn’t suit him. No suggestions were ever offered, even when asked for. He only wanted to have short hair or somehow eliminate his nagging urges. Brian has beautiful hair, especially for his age, but doesn’t like it like other people like it.
Looking at himself in the mirror, Brian wonders what it’s like to have your desired hair without being ostracized because the look doesn’t "suit you."

Cursed by his thoughts, Brian continues looking at pictures and watching videos of men with short haircuts. He concedes that his "fantasy" will never become a self-accepted reality.

Maybe one day…

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