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Growth: Epilogue by Jamiesstories2
A/N: This final chapter is for those of you who have come to love Alex as much as I do. I feel very bittersweet about putting these characters to bed, but all good things must come to an end, and it is time. I hope you’ve enjoyed the story up until this point and that I can give you a satisfying conclusion.
This is the continuation of Growth. Please read the previous parts before reading this.
Growth: Epilogue
Javier didn’t have to work that day, which meant that when Alex woke up, he was still in the warm embrace of his partner playing big spoon. Alex felt the man’s chin warm against the nape of his neck, his nose buried in the bristles that grew up the back of Alex’s head.
It took Alex a moment to remember what happened, why he could feel the hot breath of his lover on his scalp, why his cheek rested smooth against the pillow, why, when he tried to turn over, he was sore. It flooded back to him then, the haircut, the shave, and all the activities that came after. Alex smiled, quickly reliving it for a second time.
He pulled himself out from underneath Javier’s arm, eliciting a groan from the man still lying in bed. Alex reached over and ruffled his curls.
"I’ll see you tonight before I leave," he assured, before rising fully out of bed and quickly discovering he would be walking with a slight limp for the rest of the day.
Alex climbed in the shower and washed off the night, preparing himself for a long day, a hard day, but what he hoped would be a good day, nonetheless. He dried off and faced himself in the mirror for the first time since last night.
It was a new look for him. It had been nearly six months since Javier had even trimmed his hair, nearly ten years since he’d let someone run clippers up the side of his head, and he’d never, never seen his skin above his natural hairline, but he loved it anyway. The feeling of his fingers along the nape of his neck, skin against skin, the way his waves coiled at being cut short, tighter and more textured than his hair before, the freshness of a breeze or a splash of water against his newly-shaven neck, he was obsessed with every reminder of what he and Javier had done last night.
Alex returned to the bedroom. He buttoned his shirt, pulled on his slacks, tied his tie, and over it all he put on his favorite tweed blazer. He inspected himself in the mirror. This was him-- gay, nerdy, totally-in-love him, and he needed, for the first time, for the rest of the world to know him, too.
XXXXX
Ben had volunteered his room this year for team meetings, which meant that, if Alex hustled, he could get there early and have a few minutes each Friday to chat with Ben before anyone else arrived.
Alex opened the door to Ben's classroom without knocking, feeling just as comfortable there as he did in his own room. Ben looked up from his laptop at the sound of the door. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion for a moment, before they shot into his fringe, his eyes the size of golf balls.
"Are you okay?" Ben asked quickly.
Alex could only laugh at his reaction.
"Javier and I have been dating for three years! Do you really think he would’ve waited this long to pull a some stunt on me?"
Ben breathed a sigh of relief before throwing his hands up in a gesture of innocence and smiling.
"I just want to make sure you’re okay!" He exclaimed, "I care about you."
Alex rolled his eyes.
"Yes I’m okay," he replied in mock annoyance.
The two men sat in silence for a moment as Ben’s smile evolved from a smirk to a grin.
"It looks amazing!"
Alex laughed again and rubbed the nape of his neck, even after such a short time, the tick had become a replacement for running his hands through his hair.
"Thanks."
Ben indicated towards Alex’s gesture.
"Bet that feels weird."
"So f***ing weird," Alex replied, walking over to drop his stuff a few seats from Ben, and leaning on the desk next to him, "But also kind of awesome."
Ben’s smile became wider at that.
"I’m," Ben started, before quickly glancing at the door to make sure no one was there, "so glad you have Javier."
Alex was endeared by his caution, even knowing it would be null and void in a few minutes.
"As am-"
But he was cut off by the sound of the door opening. Ben looked back down at his laptop as Alex looked up to see who it was, but he was able to tell long before his eyes actually got there, by the excited gasp that emitted from their mouth.
"Hey, Brendon."
Brendon looked like a child on Christmas morning.
"Alex," Brendon walked up to him, his grin bearing a striking resemblance to the Cheshire Cat, "Somebody finally tied you down and chopped off that bun of yours, huh?"
Alex chuckled at the sudden image that appeared in his mind of his white knuckles on the armrests of the barber chair, although he was quite sure that was not what Brendon was talking about.
"No tying down needed, actually," Alex corrected.
Ben snorted behind Alex. Although he didn’t know the full extent of Alex’s preferences, he’d figured out overtime, with the help of some fairly obvious hickeys Javier liked to leave, that haircuts between Javier and Alex were not exactly PG-rated affairs. The comment, and the laugh from Ben, seemed to throw Brendon off slightly, but he was not going to give up gloating that easily.
"What’s your barber’s name?" Brendon asked, "I’d love to meet the person who did this to you."
Alex smirked. He felt a tendril of nerves creep up his ribcage, but he’d decided last night that sometimes good things happened when he didn’t succumb to his instinct to run.
"His name is Javier," Alex replied, "And, actually, you just might be able to meet him."
Alex heard a rustle of fabric as Ben looked up from his laptop in shock.
"Oh really?" Brendon asked, "and how would that come about?"
"Well, we’re dating, so I was thinking about bringing him to Jane’s going away party."
The smile slid off of Brendons face.
"Javier, you said?" He attempted to clarify harshly, "That’s a funny name for a woman."
"Yeah I guess that would be a funny name for a woman…" Alex mused, "Good thing he’s a man, so he doesn’t have that problem."
You could’ve heard a pin drop.
"You’re dating a man?" Brendon finally asked.
"Yep."
Alex attempted to act casual, but his facade would fail soon, he knew. His heart was beating so fast he was shocked Brendon couldn’t see it through his shirt.
"You’re having sex with a man?" Brendon continued.
"I’m not really comfortable discussing my sex life at work."
For once, Brendon stood there, unsure of what to say. For the amount of times Alex had been reduced to a stuttering mess under his gaze, this moment was worth every one.
At Brendon’s silence, Ben, who had remained stock still this entire conversation, reached out and placed a hand over Alex’s, giving him strength to hold on a bit longer.
"I think this conversation is over, Brendon," Alex declared with an icy undertone.
Brendon’s face morphed into a look of pure revulsion, before he turned on his heel and left the room.
Alex finally looked back at Ben, who had an expression somewhere between utter shock and confusion on his face. He let out the breath he’d been holding the entire conversation.
"Holy sh** I’m shaking," Alex sighed, holding his hand up in front of him.
"Uh, I am too," Ben said exasperatedly, "You could’ve told me that was happening."
"I was going to!" Alex insisted, "But it seemed like a lot of shock at once, and then the schedule… got ahead of itself."
Ben laughed in defeat, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"Sorry, are you saying what just happened wasn’t a lot of shock at once?"
Alex blushed and rubbed the nape of his neck again.
"Don’t question my logic."
"Well, um, congrats, I guess," Ben joked, "Am I allowed to tell people now?"
Alex shrugged.
"Yeah, why not?"
"Great, so glad you’ve put a lot of thought into this," Ben replied sarcastically, laughing again.
"The worst is over," Alex declared.
And about that, Alex was right. As other staff members started to file into the room, they each gave Alex a compliment on how great his hair looked, asked what made him cut it, or made some other comment about how long it used to be. Each time someone asked him who his barber was, or if he could make a recommendation, Alex proudly named him as, "My boyfriend, Javier."
Brendon entered the meeting as it was just about to start, glancing over to where Alex and Ben sat next to each other, clearing his throat, and looking away. But Alex had the sneaking suspicion Brendon was far from done with his admonishment, and it seemed Brendon was on a mission to prove him right, since as the floor was opened up for general comments, the man piped up.
"I think this is as good of a time as any to remind everyone here that many of the students here may have different beliefs than us, and in an effort to keep them comfortable, there are some topics that ought not be discussed."
He sent a pointed glare towards Alex and Ben, and every staff member with half a brain cell could figure out what Brendon really meant by his statement.
Alex wasn’t going to just let things slide anymore, though. After so long of being trampled on, his small victory had empowered him. He wanted more.
"You know, Brendon, I entirely agree," he replied, garnering more than a few shocked looks, "And as a school that hosts students from so many different cultural backgrounds, I think religion is really one of those topics."
Brendon’s cross necklace seemed to almost glow in the aftermath of Alex’s comment, and all eyes flipped between the two men.
"Thank you, Alex," Brendon managed to eventually reply, spitting each word as if it was hot enough to burn his tongue.
Alex saw his chance, and he took it.
"Of course," He replied easily, smiling.
By second period, in a school where word of mouth spread faster than fire, everyone seemed to know Alex had cut his hair. Middle-schoolers being, well, middle-schoolers, Alex heard every compliment and insult under the sun, all the way from, "Your long hair was so pretty, you look ugly now!" to, "Your hair was awful, I’m glad you cut it." Alex had learned long ago, however, that his students were not a reliable style guide.
At the end of the day, as he was packing his bag, Alex heard the door open. He looked up to find Ben in the doorway, smiling.
"How was your first day as a gay teacher?"
"Better than I thought it would be," Alex assured.
Ben laughed.
"Well, it only gets worse, so you have plenty of time," he replied sardonically.
Alex snorted.
"Worse?"
"Once your students come around to you being gay, they start to ask very personal questions about you and your boyfriend."
Alex made a face.
"Sounds like my sister."
"Well," Ben corrected, laughing, "Catherine, but 12."
Alex paused.
"Honestly, it’s better than anyone asking me about my girlfriend ever again."
Ben smiled knowingly and nodded, but soon his face grew serious, eyes glazed over in thought.
"Alex, I have to say…" He started and then trailed off.
Alex smiled and nodded, giving him time to continue.
"I once told you, a long time ago, that I was okay being the only gay teacher, but today I got the distinct sense of just how wrong I was. It’s nice not to be alone."
"Oh, Ben," Alex said, feeling his voice break a bit with emotion, "You never deserved to be alone, I’m glad I could finally be there with you."
Ben’s eyebrows furrowed just barely.
"This won’t be the last time you hear it--being out like we are, you’ll hear it from students and staff more than you could ever want to--but let me be the first to say: Thank you."
Alex had lost his words, he could do nothing but wrap his arms around the other man, who had been with him through so much, and feel the joy radiating off of him.
XXXXX
Javier slung the last suitcase into the trunk of the car. Alex watched, palms already sweating. Javier looked up from his packing job to find Alex white as a sheet. But before he could speak, Alex beat him to it.
"A-Are you sure you want to do this? Last chance to back out is, well, now."
Javier laughed and rolled his eyes.
"I am if you are," he assured, "You seem anxious, though."
Alex breathed in, mouth forming around the shapes of words that never came before he gave up and sighed.
"Look, I like driving, so if we need to drive sixteen hours in a day, so be it," Javier comforted, trying to keep the mood light.
"No, no," Alex rebuffed, "Corey said we can stay at his house for a night if things, uh, you know."
Javier walked up to Alex and wrapped him in a hug, putting his lips to Alex’s forehead.
"Do you really think it’s going to go that badly?" He asked into cropped waves.
"It just might," Alex replied, dejectedly, voice nearly breaking in the process.
The pair were silent for a moment.
"There are other people that love you, Alex," Javier reassured, "Catherine, Corey, me."
"I know, but none of you are my dad."
Alex left Javier’s embrace and opened the passenger side door.
"So I’m driving the whole time?" Javier asked, sounding sarcastically annoyed.
Alex turned back to Javier, smirking.
"That was in the fine print."
XXXXX
The drive was, simply put, eight hours of the most bearable torture one could invent. Alex could not eat, he could not talk, he could not think under the weight of what he was about to do. Javier was there for him as best as he could be, which was mostly failed attempts at conversation and a lot of forehead kisses. But as the gravel driveway crunched under tires, Alex could only feel relieved at the thought that, whatever happened, it would happen imminently.
Alex texted Catherine: We’re here.
They were here. This was it.
The siblings, along with Javier, had already set up a plan. Catherine would come out to greet Alex while Corey would stay inside with their dad. Their dad would open the door to Alex and Catherine, cue gushing about Alex’s hair. Their dad knew Alex was bringing his partner (gender unspecified) for the family to meet so it would be at that moment, after Trevor’s great appreciation for Alex’s hair had already set in, Javier would arrive from the car. Then… Well, they could not plan for that.
Alex had already gotten quite familiar with Brendon’s particular brand of professional homophobia, and just as familiar with the techniques he could use to dodge it, but coming out at work and coming out at home were two entirely different beasts. One was a livelihood, yes, but the other was an entire life.
The front door to the house opened and Catherine peeked her head out, face splitting into a grin as she found the familiar sight of Alex’s car. She closed the door behind her and bound down the stairs to meet the pair. Although Corey’s introduction to Javier was only a few weeks old, Catherine had been hearing about the man since before he and Alex were official, and with how often she and Alex talked on the phone, it was only natural that Javier had started to feel like a third brother to the girl.
She hugged both men as they exited the car. First Javier, then Alex. She buried her head into Alex’s chest, as she had all those years ago, before looking up at him.
"Whatever happens today, you’re still my brother and I’ll always love you," She declared.
Alex let his head drop, touching foreheads with his sister.
"I know, Cat, I know."
Javier ducked back into the car as Alex and Catherine walked up to the front steps. Catherine texted Corey, prompting him to bring their dad to the door.
The door opened. His father smiled, wider than Alex had ever seen him smile. Alex already wanted to run away and hide, but he would not allow his primal sense of anxiety to control his life.
"Your hair! You finally chopped it off!"
No one spoke for a moment.
"Surprise," Alex said, more a question than an exclamation.
"And what a surprise it is!" His father exclaimed giddily. Trevor reached out to ruffle Alex’s waves and it took every bone in Alex’s body not to flinch away. He felt Catherine’s hand gently press into his back in a gesture of unspoken support. They both knew that the first order of business was making his father happy. After excitement turned to contentment, Trevor leaned back against the door frame.
"So, where is this girlfriend I was promised?"
At this question Alex felt Catherine’s hand shift behind his back, signaling it was time for Javier’s entrance. The time had come.
"So, uh, a- about my p-partner dad…" Alex wanted to spit it out, but knew that, soon, Javier’s presence would be enough to explain everything.
And there he was. Alex could feel him before he could see him. The aura of his lover alone was enough to support him.
"Hi, I’m Javier, Alex’s boyfriend."
Alex heard a rustling and watched out of his periphery as a hand extended from behind him, offering a handshake to his father.
His father could only look. Eyes moved from the hand in front of him, to the bearer of it, until finally resting upon his terrified son. Finally a declaration escaped his lips, strained with an emotion that seemed to fall somewhere between anger and despair.
"No son of mine."
Alex felt the tears then. He knew at that moment that he would cry in front of his father, and he refused to be ashamed about it any longer.
"Dad, please, it’s- it’s still me."
Alex felt another hand on his back. Javier. A reminder of why the f*** he was doing this at all.
"Leave."
The command fell from his father’s lips in a tone Alex had never imagined could escape the man. Yet, as he was about to do what he was told, he heard another voice, a strained woman’s cry.
"NO!"
This was not a part of the plan. They had always agreed that if things went south, Catherine and Corey would not argue, Alex had ordered as much. He would not be responsible for their pain.
"Catherine," an admonishment, came from their father.
At the same time, Alex could only emit a whisper.
"Cat…"
"No, shut up both of you and listen," Catherine commanded, "Dad, no matter what he is to you, he is still my brother. If he’s not your son, I’m not your f***ing daughter."
Alex was rendered speechless. He could not imagine why, on earth, Catherine would put herself on the line for him. Then, another voice, a previously quiet one.
"If he’s not your son, neither am I."
Corey, at this, stepped down from his place beside his father, standing next to Alex.
It was now Trevor’s turn to be speechless at the absolute display before his eyes. He no longer had a choice. He would not lose the family he had left.
"Fine. Stay if you like."
With that, he turned on his heel and walked into the house.
Alex nearly collapsed under the sudden stress of it all. Fine. It wasn’t the ideal answer, that was for f***ing sure, but he could work with fine.
Javier, sensing Alex’s need, redoubled his support, retracting his arm that still extended out around Alex--offering a handshake that had never come--and placing both hands on Alex’s shoulders.
There was nothing to be done now, though. Nothing other than enter.
The party of four made a solemn trek upstairs, before gathering in Corey and Catherine’s room. Alex, with Javier next to him, sat on one bed while Corey and Catherine sat on the other. They were all silent for a moment, then Alex began.
"I didn’t ask you guys to do that," He looked at Corey and Catherine, "I told you all not to take the fall for me."
"Alex!" Catherine practically yelled, "How could you ask us not to stand up for you?"
"Because I don’t want you to have to get involved in my f***ing problem. Why on earth wouldn’t you save your relationship with dad?"
"Why? Alex can’t you get it through your thick skull that you’re our f***ing brother! Of course-"
Catherine was stilled by Corey’s hand.
"Catherine," he sternly warned, "It’s not just because you’re our brother, Alex. It’s because you’re a f***ing good brother. The best one we could’ve asked for."
At this declaration, Alex felt an overwhelming amount of embarrassment for his reaction, along with a profound sense of how much he was loved. The revelations only made him want to sink into himself. Javier could clearly sense this, as he put his arm around Alex’s shoulders and squeezed the shocked man tight to his side.
"I- I’m sorry," Alex eventually whispered, "I just hoped… I hoped that even if I couldn’t have a relationship with dad, at least the two of you could."
"Alex," Catherine started, calmer now, "If you couldn’t have a relationship with dad, how could we?"
Alex closed his eyes and leaned into the comforting weight of Javier’s body.
"I love you guys."
"We love you too, Alex," Corey replied.
The room fell silent once again, as the group was left to contemplation, yet it was quickly broken by Catherine, this time.
"Not to be a mood killer, but…" She trailed off for a moment, "How are we going to get ourselves out of this present mess?"
"Well," Javier chimed in, "I’d say the best course of action is to convince your father I’m not the spawn of Satan, come to corrupt his precious son."
"I’d say so too," Catherine agreed, "But it’s not that easy, is it? You all didn’t exactly get off on the right foot."
"If anyone can be convincing, it’s Javier," Alex replied.
Catherine remained suspicious.
"It’s a big part of my job to turn things around when I don’t get off on the right foot with someone," Javier explained, "I deal with a lot of…anxiety."
At the word anxiety, Javier playfully squeezed Alex’s shoulder. Alex could say nothing, simply turning a bright shade of red, and Catherine snorted at her brother’s reaction to the comment. Suddenly, realization dawned in Javier’s eyes.
"What’s off limits?" He asked Alex.
"What do you mean, what’s off limits?" Alex replied.
"I mean, what topics of conversation do you not want me to bring up with your dad?"
"Why?" Alex asked, suspiciously.
It was Catherine’s turn to understand, then.
"Because," she explained, "There’s a topic of conversation that would very much turn things in Javier’s favor, but I don’t think you’re going to like what it is."
"It may be the only thing your father and I are in agreement on," Javier continued, bringing his hand from Alex’s shoulder to the smooth nape of his neck, as if to hint at what the topic might be.
It was at that moment it dawned on Alex.
"F***."
XXXXX
Javier knew the conversation would be awkward, so he had enlisted Catherine as backup. The two together could at least convince Trevor to talk to him, Javier was sure of it. Alex and Corey had come downstairs with the others, but quickly made their way to the living room. Alex had no desire to hear the conversation that was about to take place and, besides, Corey had a lot of questions about how, exactly, Alex had come to date a barber.
As Trevor pretended to work in the kitchen, clearly getting nothing done other than sulking, Javier and Catherine approached the island in an effort to strike up a conversation. Catherine was the one to begin.
"Dad, I think we should do some re-introductions, this is Javier. Javier, this is our dad, Trevor."
"Nice to meet you, Trevor," Javier responded.
Silence.
Okay, maybe this was going to be harder than they had originally thought.
"Dad," Catherine could only say, sternly.
"You too," Trevor finally managed to spit out, sounding more like a slur than a greeting.
"So, Alex tells me you’re an architect?" Javier prompted.
There was nothing until Catherine graced his question with a response.
"Yes, he is! I work with him at the same firm. Isn’t that right dad?"
With this direct call-out, Trevor managed a clipped,
"Yes."
"Javier, remind me what you do for a living again?" Catherine asked. If this conversation didn’t pick up soon, it was going to be a rough holiday.
"I’m a barber," Javier replied.
"Wow, isn’t that something dad?"
Trevor took a moment to process the statement this time.
"A barber, you say?" He finally asked.
Javier internally celebrated the graduation from single words to full sentences.
"Yep, been at it for ten years now," Javier replied, with every ounce of friendliness he could muster.
"He cuts Alex’s hair too, dad," Catherine continued, willing her father to put the pieces together.
Trevor laughed at this, a snicker halfway between mirth and contempt.
"Good riddance chopping off that mop, at least," he finally said.
"Can you believe it?" Catherine then said, he had taken a bite of the bait, "All those years of growing his hair out and all it took was Javier to convince him to cut it."
"You know I really can’t believe he ever grew his hair out," Trevor started, this time clearly wanting to continue, "I spent his whole childhood teaching him the value of being clean cut and, yet, the moment he left my care he abandoned every single lesson I’d ever taught him."
"Not every lesson, I can assure you," Javier replied, "When I first met Alex I found him to be one of the kindest and bravest people I have ever seen. I always wondered who raised him to be such an incredible person, and now I know."
Lies, lies, lies, Javier thought to himself. Alex’s kindness and bravery had come from a place far, far away from this man, Javier knew, yet it was his job to convince Alex's father otherwise.
"Thank you," came the response from Trevor. It was curt, still, but filled with notably less contempt. They had made progress. Javier left Catherine to her father, knowing she would only help to reinforce the seed they had planted in his mind.
Yet when he arrived in the living room, he found Alex to be bright red, stuttering.
"I- I, ugh, Corey shut up!" He exclaimed, although without any real weight behind the statement.
"My, my, my, what is going on here?" Javier asked.
Corey only chuckled as Javier sat next to Alex on the couch.
"Alex won’t tell me how you two met, so until he does, I’m guessing for him," he explained.
"Ah," Javier indicated understanding, "Well, Corey, if your brother is not kind enough to explain I certainly will."
"Javier!" Alex exclaimed, afraid of any illicit revelations an explanation would bring.
"Shhh," Javier comforted, squeezing Alex’s hand, "It’s not very complicated. Alex had a problem," Corey cocked an eyebrow in interest, "namely, that he was in desperate need of a haircut, and he came to my shop to solve that problem."
Corey laughed.
"Oh my god," Alex groaned. His cheeks were still bright red, but Javier could tell he was grateful for the succinct answer.
"And the rest is history?" Corey asked.
"And the rest is history," Javier confirmed.
XXXXX
The holiday was painful, yes, but not nearly as painful as an outright rejection and for that, Alex was happy. As the pair returned home, Alex breathed a sigh of deep relief at his newfound freedom, from his father, yes, but more from pretending. The initial affair was over, Alex thought. Was it perfect? No. But Alex could see that progress had been made, and that was comforting.
The last thing Alex expected was a Wednesday afternoon phone call from his father, days after returning home.
"H- Hello?" Alex began, slightly stuttering his words out of a deep sense of confusion. He half expected the other end of the line to tell him his father was dead.
"Hi, Alex," The familiar voice came, a little quieter than usual.
"Dad, what’s… what’s going on?"
"I called to say that…" A pause, as his dad found the words, "I’m sorry."
The line went quiet for a moment, before his father thought it best to continue.
"I-" Trevor struggled, "I may not fully support your lifestyle, but I am not proud of the way I reacted," he explained, saying each word as if it was a little too big to fit in his mouth. The next sentence, though, sounded as natural as it ever had, "I know we haven’t always had the best relationship, but you’ll always be my son, and I’ll always love you."
Alex felt quiet tears run down his cheeks, so overwhelmed with emotion his body could not keep some from flowing out of him.
"Thanks, dad," he finally managed.
"Javier seems like a good man."
"He is," Alex replied, "But I’ve known that for a long time, already."
The conversation did not move seamlessly, as apologies never did, but Alex found himself feeling a profound sense of calmness. For all the times Alex had hoped his father would come around, nights spent awake staring at ceilings, angry passages written in journals, fake arguments in the shower. He’d never imagined that, by the time his father did come around, he would no longer care very much. He knew who he was, that he was happy, and he did not need his father to tell him so.
When Javier returned home a few hours later, he was tired from a day on his feet. Alex cooked him dinner, helped along by his good mood. When Javier took the first bite of his bruschetta, he could only sigh.
"God, Alex, I love you so much."
Alex laughed.
"I know, I’m just that lovable."