Great-Uncle Harvey Part II by Just_Me

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Uncle Harvey drove a few blocks and stopped in front of a small brick building, with a big glass window. I thought, "Wow, Uncle Harvey is getting old. He drove just two blocks. He used to walk for miles every day."

Once he parked the car, Uncle Harvey said, "One last thing. I gotta warn you, again. If you do this, some folks are gonna give you hell, and it ain’t gonna just be Marie. You’ve gotta have some thick skin if you’re gonna go this far from normal. Hell, I wasn’t lying when I said I get some compliments from folks from time to time, but I still get picked on for my haircut. Everyone once in a while I’ll hear someone snicker and say something like, ‘Get a look at that old geezer. Can you believe he’s still wearing his hair like that?’ Just last week I had a bunch of teens yell, ‘Hey, old fart, the Fifties are long gone. Get with the times’." He got stern. "You’re young. I imagine you’ll hear things like that a lot more than I do. Can you handle it?"

"I’ll handle that, and worse, if it means I get to feel like I’m the real me." Just to give him extra peace of mind, I said, "I really need to do this for my own peace of mind, Uncle Harvey. I’m sure."

"Ok, just don’t say I didn’t warn you."

I saluted him. "Duly noted, sir. Duly noted."

We got out of the car, and my focus shifted to the barber shop. The requisite barber pole was hanging on the wall by the door, doing what barber poles do: just twisting, red and white. Seeing that pole brought the reality of what I was about to do to life. I whispered, "Holy sh!t! My fantasy is about to become a reality."

Uncle Harvey grinned. "You’re damned right, unless you’re about to chicken out."

I shook my head. "No backing out. I’m doing this!"

He opened the door. "Well, come on, let’s get it done."

Excitement threatened to overwhelm me.

I stepped in behind him, and looked around. One side looked like a typical country barbershop…a sight I hadn’t seen in twenty years. There was a row of chairs, a few end tables that were covered with old magazines and ashtrays. A hat rack stood by the door. A few mounted deer heads hung on the wall, with some large-mouth bass hanging below them. One wall was covered with ads for hair products and pictures of kids getting their first haircut.

The other side looked like it belonged in a Victorian mansion. Very ornate cabinets lined the wall behind the two barber chairs. I thought, "Those cabinets don’t belong in this place. I wonder where they came from?" Two matching, Baroque-looking mirrors hung over sinks placed in the cabinets.

I looked at Uncle Harvey. "Mom would have a fit if she saw this place. She’d be grabbing mops and dust cloths and screaming about the dirt."

He laughed. "I can imagine it now. Your mother does hate a mess, and Walt doesn’t mind if things get a little dusty and out of place."

"I can see that." The shop wasn’t really dirty, but it was unkempt and dingy. There was a layer of dust on the end tables in the waiting room, it was obvious the ashtrays hadn’t been emptied in a long time. A huge pile of hair had been swept into a corner by one of the leather barber chairs. The walls needed a coat of paint. The floor could’ve used a good sweeping and mopping. The windows weren’t so clean, but the mirrors behind the chairs were perfectly clean. I thought, "I guess Walt has his priorities."

I took a deep breath, and it smelled like my childhood barbershopâ€"a mixture of hair oil and tobacco smoke.

An older man came out of the back about then. The way he walked and held his shoulders back told me that he had a military history. "Harvey! I was getting worried about you. I figured you’d be waiting for me when I got here."

Uncle Harvey grinned. "I probably would’ve been if I hadn’t had company. Walt, this here is my nephew, Curtis."

Walt looked at me strangely, then stepped closer and stuck his hand out. I almost choked on the whiskey fumes and the smell of cigar smoke coming off of him. I thought, "I guess I know what he has in that back room."

The alcohol fumes made me seriously question the wisdom of letting him cut my hair.

He said, "It’s a pleasure to meet you, and to find out that the stories Harvey’s been telling me about you were a big pack of fat lies." He looked at Uncle Harvey. "Yeah, he needs a haircut, but this ain’t nearly as bad as you’ve led me to believe."

I took my fedora off, and undid the bun on top of my head. "Oh, he wasn’t lying."

Walt stood there, opening and closing his mouth like a fish out of water. He finally looked at Uncle Harvey. "Sorry to accuse you of lying. His hair is a lot longer than I had imagined."

The devil jumped on my shoulder, and gave me an idea. I looked at Uncle Harvey and whispered, "Play along with me."

I fluffed my hair out, and pulled it down in the back. "Isn’t it glorious? Pretty soon it’ll reach my waist." I looked at myself in the mirror and said, "This morning Uncle Harvey talked me out of making a big mistake. I mentioned getting it cut, and he told me to keep letting it grow."

Walt’s eyes bugged out, and he said, "Harvey did what?" He looked at Uncle Harvey. "Why the hell would you do a damned fool thing like that?"

The mischief was glowing in Uncle Harvey’s eyes. "Stop being such an old fart, Walt. Get with the times Sure I did. I figure you’re only young once, and he might as well do outrageous things while he’s young, before he settles down into old age." He paused. "I told Curtis since his hair’s already so long, he oughta let it grow down to his ass. After all, he’s been growing it for years, what’s a few more? I don’t want him to be an old man saying, ‘I was close to having my hair to my ass. Why did I cut it?’." His next comment had a double meaning that chilled me. "I’m an old man, and I know what it’s like to have regrets. My philosophy for the kids is don’t do anything you’ll regret later."

I knew he was talking to me, so I answered him. "Yes, sir. I promise."

I tried to jump back into the game with Walt, but my heart wasn’t in it. "Oh, Uncle Harvey, I have regrets. Last week I went to my stylist, and the bitch cut off a whole inch of my hair. I was so mad at her. I had told her not to take off more than a quarter of an inch. I’d rather have taken a kick in the nuts than lose that much hair."

Uncle Harvey turned to Walt. "What do you think, Walt? Don’t you think it makes sense to avoid regrets?"

Poor Walt didn’t know what to say, and I decided to give him a break. "We’re just having fun, Mr. Walt. I’m here for a haircut." I reached up and touched my hair. "That is, if you’re willing to tackle this."

He revealed his doubts when he said, "I don’t really know much about cutting long hair, but I guess I can try."

I grinned, but still kept picking on him. "Well, I guess you’re not the barber for me. I was looking for a barber who would cut my hair just like Uncle Harvey’s. Since you don’t seem to want to do that, can you recommend a barber that might be willing?"

That shocked him so badly he almost fell down. "Are you shi…uh, kidding me?"

"No sir! I want a haircut just like Uncle Harvey. A severe short back and sides, peeled up high. Can you do that?"

He was so flustered, he didn’t know what to say. Finally, he said, "I can do that, but I don’t hardly know where I’d start."

I walked over to the counter, and picked up a pair of scissors. I grabbed a handful of hair, and whacked it off. "How about we start there?"

He grinned. "That’s a good start, but we’ve got a helluva long way to go. Sit your ass down." Then he looked at Uncle Harvey. "Don’t think I’m ever gonna forget the hell you just put me through. Watch your back, Harvey Parker. Payback is coming at you!"

"Seeing the look on your face will make whatever you throw at me worth it. I reckon I’ll remember that look for the rest of my life. I just wish I could’ve filmed it."

Walt joked. "The rest of your life might be mighty short if you ever pull something like that again. I could just about wring your neck right now!"

I sat down, and Walt turned the chair to face Uncle Harvey. "I figure you might want you to watch this show."

Uncle Harvey, "You’re damned right. I don’t want to miss nary a thing."

Then Walt fanned the cape out, and started trying to get the cape under my hair. I let him struggle just a bit, and finally had mercy on him. "Would you like for me to hold that up for you?"

"You’re damned right. Get this mess out of my way." He looked at Uncle Harvey. "I’ve never cut someone’s hair that was this long."

"I don’t reckon many barbers have."

Walt got the cape and tissue strip on. "Keep holding that mess, and put your head down. I need to see your neck." I put my head down, and he said, "Perfect, don’t move an inch."

I heard the click as he turned the clippers on, and the next thing I knew, they were plowing up my neck. He ran them up the back a few more times then grinned at me. "I hope you meant it when you said peeled back and side. These clippers have taken this as low as I can get it, without using the razor."

I grinned back at him. "Oh, no, sir! I just wanted a quarter inch taken off!"

"Too damned late for that."

"Good! I want those sides as short as you can get them, and don’t care if you use the razor after you’re done."

He looked at Uncle Harvey, "By god, the boy was serious. I was afraid he was going to cry on me."

"No tears coming from me." I looked at the grin on Uncle Harvey’s face. "I don’t think you’re gonna see any tears from him either."

Uncle Harvey said, "You might be wrong about that son. I’m fighting tears of joy right now. I ain’t never thought I’d live to see this day."

Walt pushed my head back down. "I thought I told you to keep your head down."

I punted back. "I thought you were done with the back."

"I ain’t nowhere near down. Now, shut your mouth, and keep your head down."

"Yes, sir. Gladly."

He moved the clippers up and down my neck several more times, and I was dying to see what he had accomplished. I thought, "I guess he’s not going to let me see. I’ll have to wait until he’s done."

After a few more passes, Walt pushed my head to the side. I asked, "Do you want me to keep holding my hair?"

"Hell yes. You’re making my job a lot easier."

"You got it. I’ll keep holding it."

I felt my sideburn disappear under his clippers. For a second I panicked, thinking, "I wonder what I’ll look like without sideburns? I have a round face, and the sideburns give it some length. I wonder if I’ll look fat without them?" I quickly decided that it was too late to be worrying about that, thinking "I guess I’ll just deal with whatever happens."

Next Walt bent my ear down, and I thought he was going to rip it off. I yelled, "OUCH!"

I got no sympathy from Walt. "It’s your own damned fault. If you hadn’t let your hair get so long, I wouldn’t have to be searching for your ears in all this crap."

I shut up, and just enjoyed the feel of the clippers going halfway up the side of my head. The vibration from the clippers was very soothing.

Since I couldn’t see anything, I closed my eyes, and tried to focus on the feel of what he was doing. The sensation was amazing!

Walt bent my head the other way, and scalped the other side of my head. "OK, you can let go of your hair."

I was amazed at the pile of hair that fell in my lap. Without thinking, I said, "Dear god! I didn’t know I had that much hair on my head."

Walt chirped. "We ain’t done yet. There’s probably that much more to take off."

He combed the hair on the top of my head straight down into my face…and almost yanked me bald. I yelped. He laughed, and said, "I told you not to bitch. It’s your own fault."

The smartass in me jumped out. "I’m so glad you’re so sensitive to the pain and suffering of your fellow man."

He just laughed, and brutally chopped off about fifteen inches of my bangs with a pair of scissors. He picked up the clippers, and started going clippers over comb to divest me of a bunch more hair on the top of my head.

Uncle Harvey sighed, and I looked at him, and thought, "Oh my god! I can see without pushing hair out of my eyes." Then I said, "You doing OK over there?"

He lit up like a light bulb. "I’m better than OK. I’m happier than a pig in a slop trough."

Knowing I was responsible for his happiness filled me with joy. I imagine I lit up too.

Walt futzed with my hair until I thought I was going to go bonkers. I kept thinking he was done, and he’d find another hair to snip off. Finally, he took the cape off and shook the hair onto the floor. "Look at this mess. It’s gonna take me forever to clean up all this hair."

I looked down, and there was hair everywhere. It was even wrapped around Walt’s ankles. All ll I could think to say was, "There’s more hair on that floor than I had imagined possible."

He brushed all the loose hair off my neck, and put the cape back on. I thought, "What the hell is going to do now?"

He said, "You’re looking pretty good, but I think you need a little Vitalis to finish off the look. You OK with that?"

"If you think I need it, put some in. I wanna look as good as I can."

"Well, you look a helluva lot better than you did when you came in here." He poured some tonic in his hand, and rubbed it in my hair. The feel of his hands on my bare scalp was electrifying! After getting it rubbed in to his satisfaction, he combed my hair for what seemed like five minutes. I kept thinking, "What the hell is he combing? I don’t have much hair left on my head."

He said, "You’ve got a cowlick up here. It’s probably gonna take a while for your hair to learn to lay down. Keep putting some Vitalis or Brylcreem on it, to help train it."

"Yes, sir. I’ll remember that."

"If you don’t, you’re gonna look like you have a rooster on your head."

Finally he got it to where he was happy and said, "Damn, you look like Harvey must’ve looked forty or fifty years ago."

"Thank you, sir. That’s a mighty fine compliment you just gave me. You made me mighty happy."

Walt looked at Uncle Harvey. "Are you sure you’re his great-uncle, and not his father?"

Uncle Harvey blushed. "He inherited the Parker looks. All of us look just alike." Then he said, "I wish I could say he was my son. I’d be proud to claim him, but I can promise you there’s no chance he’s my son."

I knew he and I were thinking the same thing. We were thinking about what he’d told me earlier about him being a virgin.

Walt pointed at my goatee. "What are we going to do with that?"

I was shocked. "Uh, I was planning on keeping it."

He shook his head. "I think that’s a mistake. What do you think, Harvey?"

Uncle Harvey looked at me. "It ain’t my place to say. It’s Curtis’ head, and if he wants to wear a goofy goatee, and is willing to completely ruin that perfect haircut you just gave him, it’s up to him." He kept talking. "Personally, I think a goatee looks a might bit pretentious. It looks like somebody's trying to be important. I never minded a mustache, but I just think a fellow with a goatee thinks he’s better than the rest of us."

Walt said, "Amen, Harvey. That’s good preaching," just as I said, "Gee, Uncle Harvey. Why don’t you tell me what you really think?"

He laughed. "I think I just did."

I looked at Walt. "Do you really think it needs to go?"

"Personally, I think it needs to go, but if you really want to keep it, I could try trimming it up, and making it smaller." He shook his head. "I don’t think it’d help, but I’ll try it if you want me to."

"I’ve had some sort of facial hair since I was fifteen, and can’t imagine not having any now. How about we try a mustache?"

"I’ll vote for that. If you don’t like it, I can always shave it off…or, if you want to ruin my haircut, you can always grow the goatee back. I suspect with your heavy beard, you’d be looking like you want to in a couple of weeks. Are you willing to try that?"

I nodded my head. "Go for it."

"One neat, tidy mustache coming up."

I gulped and thought, "I wasn’t thinking ‘one neat, tidy mustache’. I was thinking of one big, glorious mustache." I decided not to say anything, and just go with it. I thought, "What the hell. I might as well go whole hog. Like Walt said, I can always grow it out, if I don't like it."

Walt buzzed my goatee off, and then put hot towels over my face, saying, "We’ll let this soften up your beard for a bit."

I thought, "Great! Now it’ll be longer before I get to see what I look like. Why did I agree to this?"

After sitting for a while, Walt pulled the towels off, and put shaving cream all over my face…and the back and sides of my head. I heard him sharpening the razor on his strop, and then he started shaving me. Seeing the sharp blade coming toward my face was a little scary. I had visions of a slit throat, but I have to admit. Walt knew what he was doing.

First he shaved around the sides and back of my head, and it felt like he was going impossibly high with the razor. The feel of his hands and the razor on my bare skin was almost intoxicating.

He finally turned his attention to my face, and scraped it seven ways from Sunday: with the grain, against the grain, left and right. After finishing the shave, he rubbed his hands all over my face. "Smooth as a baby's butt."

I said, "I doubt if I’ve ever had a shave that was this close." My thoughts were, "Thank god he’s finally done! Now I’ll get to see what he’s done to me." I didn’t say that though.

I was wrong. He took the cape off, shook it out and put the cape back on me. He grabbed the clippers, and carefully blended where he had shaved around the back and sides into the longer hair on top. Once he finished that, he had to comb my hair all over again. Then he had to put some finishing touches on the mustache.

I was about to burst with excitement.

I couldn’t help it. I had to reach up and feel what he had done. To say feeling the bare skin on the back of my neck was a shock would be an understatementâ€"even though I had felt Walt’s hand on my head. Somehow, it was different when feeling it with my own hands, rather than just feeling his hand on my scalp. I guess it was because I was getting the sensation both from my hands and my scalp.

I shivered, but in a good way.

Walt slapped my hand. "Didn’t you hear a word I said. Now you’ve got your rooster tail standing up." He combed for what seemed like an hour, and then said, "Don’t you go messing up all the hard work I put into making you look just right. You’ll have to wait until after you see it to feel it."

Finally, he took the cape off for the last time, and uttered the words I had been waiting to hear. "Are you ready to see the results?"

"Hell, yeah I am. Turn this chair around!"

Uncle Harvey stopped Walt. "Wait a minute." He looked at me. "Did you bring your pipe with you? I want you to see the whole new you."

"Great idea, Uncle Harvey, and yes, I did." I reached into my coat pocket, and pulled out a pipe, and stuck it in my mouth.

Uncle Harvey said, "You don’t happen to have another pipe in that pocket, do you? I was so excited to get you to the barbershop that I forgot and left mine at the house."

Walt piped up. "That’s it! I knew something was different about you."

Uncle Harvey said, "Huh?"

"I’ve never seen you without a pipe, Harvey. How did you make it so long?"

"I thought about going and getting my pipe, but I was afraid I’d miss something. I promise you, I didn’t want to miss a second of today’s entertainment." He sighed. "I don’t reckon I’ll ever see something else that means as much to me as what I just saw."

I reached in my pocket, and pulled out another pipe. "All I have are straight pipes, and I know you prefer a bent."

He grabbed it, and said, "I don’t give a damn if it’s a circle, as long as it’s a pipe. Thank you, son."

I grinned, "SuperCurtis to the rescue!" Then I handed him my tobacco pouch, tamper and lighter.

Walt started to turn the chair, and I suddenly said, "Wait!"

"What the hell?"

"I want to see what Uncle Harvey thinks, before I see it. After all, he was my inspiration."

I turned to Uncle Harvey. "What do you think?"

Tears started flowing down his face…which made tears leak out of my eyes.

In a voice filled with emotion, Uncle Harvey said, "I don’t know what to say, other than I’m mighty proud of you. I’m proud of the man you’re becoming, and I’m just tickled pink that you’re doing what you want to do." He nodded his head. "You look better than I ever reckoned you would."

Walt’s voice was a little choked when he said, "DItto to what Harvey said. I wish more of our young people would have the balls to do what you just did. Curtis, from my perspective, you’re one helluva man." Then he grinned. "Now, can I turn the damned chair around? I’m dying to see what you think."

I pulled out my best announcer's voice. "...and behind mirror one, we have the new and improved Curtis. Mr. Walt, you may now reveal the winner of ‘The Most Drastic Makeover in History’."

Seeing myself as the "real" me for the first time was intensely emotional. Tears welled up, and leaked down my cheeks. For a second I was paralyzed with strong feelings that I couldn’t even begin to name. All I could do was gape at the reflection in the mirror.

Uncle Harvey walked over and stood beside me, just beaming.

I tried to say something, but my voice wouldn’t work.

Everything was perfect. The sides were peeled high, just like I had imagined. Every hair laid down perfectly and the shine of the Vitalis was just what I had wanted. Walt had combed my hair into a small quiff, and it was stunning. The trimmed mustache completed the look. (Walt hadn’t given me a pencil thin mustache, but it was close. He had trimmed under my nose just the right amount, and angled the sides to the corner of my mouth. I liked it.)

Finally, I gasped, "It looks better than I imagined."

Walt piped in, "Well, it’ll look great once you get some sun on your neck and ears. Right now you look like a clown who got interrupted while putting his makeup on."

Uncle Harvey whacked Walt. "How dare you? He looks like a real man." Then he laughed. "A real man who has some clown makeup on his neck."

Walt picked up the broom, and started to carefully sweep up my hair. I said, "Here, let me do that. I wanna see all that crap in the trash can."

He shook his head. "You just keep admiring yourself, and I’ll deal with this, but I’m telling you, this hair ain’t going in no trash can."

I was shocked. "Why the hell not? The trash can is where it belongs!"

"I agree with you completely, but I’m going to save this as proof of your stupidity. Folks around here will never believe how much hair I cut off your head without having proof." He looked at me. "Hell, I figure half the folks around here will accuse me of cutting a girl’s hair, and claiming it came off a man. We’ve got some stubborn old mules around here." He pointed at Uncle Harvey. "...and that man is the most stubborn of them all." Then he shook his head, and glared at me. "I still can’t believe a grown man would let this much hair grow on his head."

I bent down and picked up a handful of long hair, and shuddered with revulsion. "How the hell did I ever think this mess looked good?"

In unison, Walt and Uncle Harvey said, "God knows, but I sure as hell don’t know."

Then Uncle Harvey said, "Thank God you finally came to your senses. I was about to give up hope on you."

I laughed. "Even this morning I would’ve bet you I would never hate my long hair. Yes, I knew I wanted to cut it, but I would’ve thought I’d always like it. I never dreamed I’d feel this much hatred for it!"

I started to throw the hair back on the floor and Walt said, "Don’t throw that down. I want you to keep it, in case you’re ever tempted to let your hair grow back out. Maybe seeing that mess will bring you back to your senses."

I threw it down. "I don’t need to keep it. I can’t imagine ever going back into the bondage of long hair. It was like a ball and chain, always dragging me down."

I stared into the mirror, moving my head around, trying to capture a view from all sides. "This is the real me, and I love it!"

I was so excited about my haircut, I forgot that Uncle Harvey was there to get his cut too. FInally, he said, "I’m glad to see you so happy, but are you gonna stand there all day admiring yourself, or are you going to let me get my haircut."

I stepped away from the mirror. "Oh, I’m sorry, Uncle Harvey. I forgot." I grinned. "Maybe I am a little vain, but I like the way I look."

Walt said, "Hell, if I was as good looking as you are, I’d be vain too."

I sat down right across from the barber chair, thinking, "I wanna see this."

Uncle Harvey sat in the barber chair, and said, "Walt, make me look as good as Curtis does."

"Hell, I’m a barber, not a magician." He laughed. "I don’t think even Cinderella's godmother could turn you into a man as sharp looking as Curtis."

Uncle Harvey snorted. "You’re probably right there."

Seeing Uncle Harvey get his hair cut made me see my experience in the barber chair in a different light, and it was definitely thrilling to see the small amount of hair failing on the cape. I don’t think I even blinked during his haircut.

As we were leaving, I put my fedora on…and it fell down over my eyes. Uncle Harvey and Walt howled in laughter, sounding like a bunch of hyenas. I played to the crowd, and tilted my head way back, so the hat would slip back so I could see. "I guess I need a new hat. I never thought about my hair making me need a bigger size."

Walt grabbed the fedora. "Hang on a second. I’ll fix this so you can wear it." He folded some paper towels, and put them in the liner. "Try that, and see if it helps."

I put it back on, and it was better…maybe still a bit loose, but I could at least see.

Uncle Harvey reached up, and tilted my fedora a bit. "That’s how you wear a fedora. You want to give it a rakish tilt." He grinned, "...and show off your haircut a little bit." He kept talking. "Homburgs are the only hats you wear square on the head." He looked at me. "Speaking of homburgs, you need to get yourself one. It’ll give you a different look, when you want to switch things up." He grinned. "I think I still have one. Now that you’ve got a decent haircut, it might fit you."

Walt shook my hand. "Thanks for giving me the pleasure of turning you into such a fine looking young man, and please come back every time you’re up here. I’ve heard a lot about you through the years, and I really want to get to know you."

I glared at Uncle Harvey when I said, "Mr. Walt, it appears some folks in your pleasant little town have mighty big mouths."

Uncle Harvey and Walt laughed at me.

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