Back to school Bert’s by Clippedboy

---

Here’s the money on the mantelpiece shouted his
School tomorrow so get barbers you’re warned
Give David short a knock his mum said he had to get a haircut
Ok mum stop nagging
It was the last day of the holidays and Paul didn’t want to waste it in the barbers
I’ll go later he thought
Getting up he had his cereal cleaned his teeth knocked for shorty
Mrs short answered the door
Hi Paul going the barbers ? Erm later mrs short just seeing if David was playing out
David came to the door
You get the barber warning off your mum aswell ?
Yeah snips is open until 5 we’ve got loads of time
Cmon let’s have a game of footie
They knocked for batchy
His sister answered going the barbers boys ?
Paul batch came to the door you got the haircut warning aswell ?
Cmon let’s have a game of footie for a couple of hours get to snips for 4.30 we ll be ok
It’s only 11 they played footie for hours great game in the park few others had joined in
What times it said batchy ? It’s only early said one of the lads
Smogger the only kid playing with a watch shouted over it’s half 3
What ? The 3 lads looked at each other s**t next goal the winner
Soon as the goal was scored that was it
Meet you by tjs they agreed ran home and got their haircut money
Paul knocked on the door his sister answered
Where you been barbers will be shut soon
Paul ignored her got his money and ran to tjs to meet his mates
All 3 started walking to snips I hope that Tina cuts my hair it’s worth a haircut when you went to snips cos all the girls were in their early twenties and cut too much off
Right here we go as they entered or tried to enter the shop was closed
Eh looked at the sign said close 1pm Mondays
What that’s all your fault batchy now we’re stuck
I know Howabout Dave’s not as good as snips but they weren’t butchers
Good shout said Paul let’s go
100 yards the sign was outside open
Right lads in we go the place was chocker about 6 men waiting for a haircut
Sorry lads you’ll have to come back tomorrow Steve and John are off only me and pat
Be lucky to be finished in time sorry lads you’ll
What are we going to do ? There was always Bert’s said shorty
Bert’s no way he’s a butcher I know said shorty but me mum will kill me if I haven’t had me haircut when I get home
Ok cmon it’s just the top of the brow
The 3 lads stepped in the old shop Bert and his brother were finishing off 2 old men and one chair was empty
No kids at all which was a surprise
Old Fred came out the back
Who’s first lads ?erm I’ll go first Paul said
Back to school tomorrow ?
Collegiate school ?
Yes I answered
Good mr Clark was in last week your headmaster for his back to school haircut told us all bout his new grooming standards
Paul got in the chair
Just a trim just below my ears please Fred
Fred looked at Bert and Bert’s brother Alf even the 2 pensioners just getting finished all 5 just chuckled
Ha ha ok son whatever you say
No honest my mum said
Certainly son Fred put the cape around him as Bert and Alf had finished their customers
All 3 were sitting in the barbers chairs waiting for their trims to start
Fred got his comb out spray of the water combed pulled thru Paul’s hair
A trim was it ? Fred said ok lift snip lift snip lift snip first the back then the sides thinning shears
Fred stood back Paul looked in the mirror where was his hair ? looking at batchy and shorty both Bert and Alf had done the same to them
Now that’s a girls trim Fred said but yous 3 are getting a collegiate trim
Blowing the hair from his nose he looked at the cape and the floor both were covered in Paul’s hair
Right son head down lower lower and keep it there Fred said Fred took his clippers and ran them up Paul’s neck right up to his occipital bone 4 passes up the neck now the sides a good inch above the ears whitewalls as his old national service barber told him Fred had never forgot that hair cut he received and any chance he got to replicate on any young boy he did
Collegiate trim ? Butchered in Bert’s more like it all 3 boys recieved the same haircuts ending up with a side part held down by a large dose of Brylcreem
There you go lads all smart for tomorrow
That will be 50 p each lads
See yous at half term
The lads paid and walked home
What happened they said ? Your fault for the ball Paul we could have gone to snips this morning
I know I’m sorry lads
saying ta ra to batchy Paul and shorty walked up the stairs to their landing
c ya 2 morrow shorty Paul said whatever
As he walked into his house he could hear his mum
If he hasn’t been the barbers I’ll cut it my frighten self
Hi ya mum he shouted walking into the kitchen
Jesus Paul that’s some haircut let me see it
Oh nice and short you look handsome
Where did you go ?
Bert’s he said ?
Wow Bert’s you’re a proper grown up boy cmon here and she give him him a big kiss
You’ve made my day wait there and she ran along to shortys house
Mary has Dave had the same haircut as Paul dunno Bren he just came in and went upstairs I was giving Chris his tea
David get down here now let’s see that haircut
David come down not best pleased
Oh David you look so handsome Mary said
Bert’s they went to said Bren
Didn’t think yous would ever go there ?
Well said Brenda pauls going there all the time now only 50 p for boys
Whenever Paul goes don’t worry our David will be going too

---