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My Identity Shift by Ethan C
Sharing an important moment in my identity. Growing up, I was what you might call that good boy from next door - clean cut and did the right thing. I lived in the suburbs, did well at school, and even had a girlfriend. At 18, I went to college where I continued to be that model citizen. I felt like I was doing everything right for everyone except myself. I finished College and was expected to find a good job, a nice wife and move to the suburbs and sign away my life. When I finished College in 2003 I went to San Fran for a week to give myself a little holiday. This holiday would be the ultimate change in my identity. For the first few days I did all the tourist stuff then one day I ended up at Castro Street and saw a few guys outside a cafe hanging out. They were in leather, all bald and totally everything I had never really experienced before. I also sat at the cafe to have a coffee and couldn't keep my eyes off them. This was giving me a bit of a moment downstairs confirming what I always probably knew about my sexuality (yeah, I was a late bloomer).
I didn't realize that my discrete stares was getting their attention and after a half hour of me oogling them, one of them came over to my table and sat down confidently and asked if I wanted to join them at their table. I was super nervous and went red-faced and the guy Greg laughed and said, "you're so cute, you're so shy". I just froze and Greg took the lead and got me over to the table of 4 other guys - Connor, Blake, Julio and Devon. They were all really nice guys, only Devon was close to my age - the rest were at least 10 years + older than me. They bought me a coffee and got to know me. I felt weird as I was like a black sheep in a flock of white sheep - they all were in leather, chains and totally bald. Some had piercings too which was a turn on and the tattoos were even more hot. But I stayed really shy throughout. They invited me to a club they were going to that night which scared me but excited me. Devon took me under his wing and offered to come get me and go together. I went back to the hotel and spent all afternoon highly anxious but excited for the night ahead. I also didn't know what to wear and went to Macys thinking I could find something (fat chance Macys). Devon messaged me asking if he could come to the Hotel prior and I said sure.
Devon arrived with some clothes for me which was nice. Totally not my thing but I tried them on. He didn't make me wear anything too extreme - he said it was low-key for the night. LOL. Devon and I had a couple of beers while we waited and we got to know each other about this world. Devon told me that he was like me too and showed me some pics to even prove it. We went to the club that night and although I was nervous every step of the way, i had one of the best nights of my life. Everyone was super friendly to me and nobody pushed or forced me into anything. Devon came back to my Hotel and stayed the night too.
The next morning, I woke up feeling like a different person. I went to have lunch with the other guys and got to really connect. That night we had dinner at Blake's house which felt like family, and everyone was super welcoming to me. I felt connected to them instantly like i knew them my whole life. Connor was like the father of the group, and he asked me if i wanted to be part of their group. I felt a bit overwhelmed, yet my soul was feeling connected. I spent the rest of the week hanging out with them all - Devon was like a brother I never had.
The final day we had breakfast to say goodbye. I impulsively decided in that moment to stay on in San Fran and look for a job and start my life there. I just made a decision then. They all were shocked but so open to help me. Devon invited me to live with him for a little bit while I find a place too. My parents weren't happy, but they accepted it.... for now.
A few weeks passed, I settled into San Fran. I found a job which I loved but didn't pay much and loved hanging out with the guys. One Friday night, Devon and I stayed home and he went in for the kill - "Alright my friend you have had a few weeks now, you know we have to clean you up". I looked at him and said "clean up?". He looked at me matter of fact and said "your clothes, your style, MAN your hair! It's all going to change". I looked nervous and he said "come on you didnt expect this convo wasnt coming?" He said he was in charge of the style makeover and Saturday was going to be the day for it. I went to bed didnt sleep all night, kept looking at myself in the mirror - "f*** what's going to happen"
Saturday came, I was scared but yet excited. The guys came over for breakfast and revved me up for the day ahead. Devon dramatically packed most of my clothes to donate and said we were first going to a thrift shop to get some clothes.
Then next came the hair... we went to a barber- not any barber but a boss-barber who had no mercy for hair. We walked in and he said commandingly "get in the chair now". I was super nervous. I sat in the chair and before I could even start talking he got what looked like marine clippers which were super loud, and bang went straight in the middle buzzing it off immediately. No mercy. It was super quick too. 2 minutes and I was bald clean. But that wasn't enough he got shaving cream and whisked away everything clean. I was smooth. I had the biggest hard on which Devon could notice and he winked at me.
Then it wasn't over - we went to a piercing studio where I got 3 piercings done. I got my ears done and a nose ring. Then finally we got a tattoo done that afternoon. Devon picked the tattoo which was on my arm. He then instructed me that I need to keep going and every couple months money dependant get more. He said I need to be covered. I didnt even know who I had become. That night we went out to party and i felt like part of the crew. Funny though as soon as I did this i felt confident, alive, free - i felt me.
A few weeks later and I had settled in with San Fran. One night Devon asked me to go in the bathroom and I went to see him - he had the shaving cream and asked me to sit down and proceeded to shave my head. He said the ritual with the barber was the first step but they will help shave each other's heads. I loved every moment of it and Devon sensed that. He shaved my head then asked me to return the favor. I shaved his head and then he made a move and we spent the night together. Devon and I have been together for over 20 years now. My parents took a bit to come around but they did. I found new friends. I have never left San Fran and the life i started i will always be super grateful for. A few of the crew are no longer part of our lives but Devon and I have remained strong. I did what Devon wanted - i have close to 15 tattoos now and I am also still bald and haven't had hair since early 2003.
