Simon's Haircut Adventures (3) by Snagg

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The Long-Haired Roommate

"I told you from the start that we'd only have problems with a long-haired roommate," said Carl.
"We both agreed that Martin was the most likable of all the candidates," said Simon.
"You talk like an old married couple," said Tony, their barber.
Simon and Carl sat in Tony's barbershop for their weekly touch-up. Simon's mid-skin-fade buzz cut was already finished, and Tony was working on Carl's high and tight recon.

"What exactly is your problem with your new roommate?" Tony asked as he ran the clippers over Carl's head.
"His long hair is everywhere," Carl replied. "On the floor, in the washing machine, I even found it in my backpack."
"And in the bathroom, the sink and shower drains are clogged," Simon added.
"Speaking of the bathroom," said Carl, rolling his eyes, "I only need five minutes in the morning, but this long-haired diva blocks the bathroom for at least half an hour!"
Tony grinned. "May I remind you, Carl, that you yourself had long hair until a year ago? And that you were initially skeptical about your new haircut?"
"I admit, it wasn't love at first sight, but now I don't understand how a man can't have short hair!"
Tony turned off the clippers. "Guys, have you ever tried talking to your roommate?"
Simon and Carl shook their heads.

Two hours later. Simon and Carl were sitting at the table when Martin came into the kitchen.
"Martin, come sit with us!" said Carl.
Martin sat down. "What's up?"
"We need to talk to you," said Simon.
"It's a bit personal..." said Carl.
"Oh..." said Martin. "Is this about me being gay?"
"You're gay?" asked Carl. "Simon sleeps with men too."
"How do you know that?" asked Simon.
"You're always picking up guys at the gym."
"I thought I was being discreet..."
"I'm definitely glad that you don't seem to have a problem with me being gay," said Martin, standing up. "I have to go. I’m going to the movies. See you later!"
Martin left the kitchen, took his jacket from the coat rack in the hallway, and left the apartment.
"Somehow I have the feeling," said Simon, "that the conversation didn't go as we had imagined..."

A week later. Simon and Carl had a shift together at the Muscle Factory.
"I didn't know Martin trained here," Carl whispered.
"He asked me to recommend a good gym," Simon replied. "I think it's good that he wants to build muscle. Muscular guys tend to have short hair."
"With such light weights, he won't build any muscle even in ten years!"

Robert, their boss, walked past them. "Who's that lady over there?" he asked.
"That's our new roommate," Simon replied.
"My condolences!"
Carl pointed to the stack of flyers Robert was holding. "What's that?" Carl asked.
"The flyers? I was just about to put them out. We have a new promotion with Tony. With this flyer, our customers get a 10% discount on a haircut at his barbershop."

An hour later. Simon had just finished teaching a class and was coming out of the gymnastics studio when Carl came up to him from the reception desk. "You won't believe it!" Carl said. "Martin took one of those flyers for Tony's barbershop!"
"Maybe there's still hope," said Simon, "and Martin is thinking about finally getting a decent haircut."
Carl shook his head. "Remember what a naive country bumpkin he can be sometimes! I suspect he doesn't really understand that a barbershop isn't the same as a hair salon."

A few days later. Simon came home after university, Carl was sitting on the sofa, Martin wasn't home.
"Imagine," said Simon, "I got that internship at the rehab center after all."
"That center that didn't want you because of your inked arms?"
"Exactly. The superiors don't like my tattoos, but the patients, mostly older people, feel safe in the hands of muscular men. It's unlikely that someone like me would drop a granny."

Simon opened the refrigerator and took out a yogurt drink. "You know," he said after taking a sip, "after being discriminated against because of my tattoos, I realized that I sometimes behave in a discriminatory manner myself. Carl, I think we should just accept Martin for who he is and let him have his long hair."
Carl grinned. "There's been a new development regarding Martin's hair..."
"Don't tell me he went to Tony's and got a buzz cut?"
"No, but my volleyball buddy Ramon has a buzz cut," said Carl. "And Ramon was here after practice. We had something to eat together and Ramon saw Martin's hair lying on the floor."
"And?"
"Ramon works part-time in a lab. He has to analyze hair all the time. And he's absolutely sure."
Simon looked confused. "Sure about what?"
"That not all the hair Martin loses is real."
"What?"
"Some of it is real, some of it is fake."
"Am I understanding this correctly? Does that mean Martin wears a hairpiece?"
Carl nodded. "Martin probably suffers from hair loss and hides it with fake hair."
"This changes everything."

The Christmas holidays soon arrived, and Simon, Carl, and Martin visited their families. They were back at the beginning of January.

One morning, Carl was already at university, and Simon was sitting at the kitchen table when Martin came into the kitchen with his laptop.
"Simon, I have to conduct as many interviews as possible with as many different men as possible for university," said Martin. "Would you be willing to answer a few questions?"
Simon pushed his coffee cup aside. "Sure. What kind of questions are they?"
Martin placed his laptop on the kitchen table and connected a small microphone. "The interview is mainly about masculinity, the body, and appearance."
Simon laughed. "Seems like the right interview for me."

After a few general questions about age, education, and job, Martin began asking questions about the actual topic.
"Do you associate masculinity with physical size or muscle mass?"
"I think in my case it would be ridiculous to try to separate my masculinity from my muscles," replied Simon. "But I'm aware that you can be masculine even without muscles."
"Have you ever felt pressure to be bigger, stronger, or more physically imposing?"
"I've always been athletic and, as a result, muscular. I exercise because I enjoy it, not because I feel pressured to do so."
"Do you train your body for function, aesthetics, health, or status?"
"First and foremost for function and health. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't like the aesthetics of my body. I like what I see when I look in the mirror. And status? I guess I have quite a high status among gay men. At least I get a lot of dates."
Martin stopped the recording. "Can I ask you something that's not on the list?"
"Go ahead!"
"I hadn't gotten the impression that you were very open about your homosexuality..."
Simon smiled sheepishly. "At Christmas, I came out to my family and old friends. I decided to be more open about being gay from now on."
"You can be very sure that you made the right decision," said Martin and started recording again.

The next interview question was: "Have you ever felt insecure about your body?"
"The only thing about my body I've ever felt insecure about was my hair, until I got the haircut that I still have now."

This was followed by further questions on the subject of the body until the topic turned to grooming.
"How much time do you spend on grooming each day?"
"I go to the barber once a week to get a haircut and a shave. The process takes about half an hour, which works out to less than 5 minutes per day."
"Do you think skincare, hairstyling, or fashion are masculine, neutral, or feminine?"
"I don't do any skincare, my hair is so short that I don't have to spend any time on it except for going to the barber, and when it comes to fashion, I prefer to wear sportswear. However you classify skincare, hairstyling, or fashion, my masculinity doesn't depend on it."

Martin scrolled down the screen a little. "Okay, here's the next question: Have you ever avoided a style choice because it felt 'too feminine'?"
"I wouldn't avoid a style because it's too feminine, but because it doesn't correspond to the kind of masculinity I want to radiate."
"Do you feel judged by other men for how you dress?"
"No."
"Does your appearance change depending on who you're around?"
"No."
"What does facial hair represent to you?"
"Unless I've just been to the barber, I have stubble. The hair on my face is just a constant reminder that I'm a man."
"How do you feel about balding?"
"My hair is already very short, partly completely shaved. If one day I notice that my hairline is receding, I'll just shave my whole head bald."

Now it was Simon who wanted to stop the recording. "Sorry to interrupt the interview, but can I ask you something too?"
"Of course."
"My question to you is exactly the same question you asked me last: How do you feel about balding?"
Martin looked at Simon in horror. "Why are you asking me that?"
Simon leaned toward him. "Please just try to answer this question!"
Martin fiddled nervously with his laptop.
"Martin," Simon said. "It's not so much about you answering this question for me, but for yourself."
"So you know?"
Simon nodded.
"Carl too?"
"Yes."

Martin covered his face with his hands. "Sorry for crying..." he said. "A guy like you probably thinks crying is awful."
"You're wrong. The last time I cried was just a few days ago, on the train, on the way back from Christmas."
"Why were you crying?"
"I cried with joy because I managed to come out and because it went well."
"Unfortunately, I'm not crying tears of joy..."
Simon poured Martin a glass of water. Then he asked, "What kind of tears are they? Tell me!"
Martin took a sip of water. "You just said you would simply shave your head if you noticed your hairline receding. For me, it's not that easy..."
"How far has the balding process progressed?"
"There's not much left on top..."

Simon took his cell phone out of his pocket. "Would you like your tears to turn into tears of joy within an hour?"
"Are you trying to distract me with a funny movie?"
Simon looked up a phone number. "I can call this number now and make sure you can laugh again."
"Who do you want to call?"
"Tony. My barber."
Martin began to cry properly now. Tears streamed down his cheeks.
Simon ran around the table, pulled Martin out of his chair, and held him in his arms. "I'm sorry, Martin. I didn't mean to make things worse."

After a few minutes, Martin began to calm down and said, "I didn't know that a muscle dude could be empathetic..."
"Well, I'm probably one of those guys people describe as tough on the outside but soft on the inside."

Martin dried his tears with a handkerchief. "So you think I should shave off the rest?"
"If you continue wearing fake hair, you're merely postponing the problem, not solving it."
"In all the balding forums on the internet, men who have dared to shave off the rest write that they wish they had done it sooner..."

Time to act, Simon thought. He picked up his phone again and dialed. "Hi Tony! Simon here. ... No, I don't want to postpone my touch-up. I have someone here who needs an emergency haircut. Do you have an appointment available as soon as possible? ... Someone just canceled? Great! We'll be right there!"
Martin smiled a little for the first time. "Thank you!" he said.
"You're welcome! Let's put on our jackets and shoes and go!"

As they hurried down the stairwell, Simon texted Carl.
"How quickly can you get to Tony's?"
"What happened?"
"Martin is ready."
"I'll be there as soon as I can."

When they arrived at the barbershop, Carl was already there. "Congrats, Martin," he said. "I'm glad you finally have the guts to own up to your hair loss."
"Well," said Martin, "I'm apparently not very good at growing things. Just look at the plants in my room!"

Simon pushed Martin into a barber's chair. "Everything will be fine, Martin. Your suffering will soon be over."
Tony chuckled. "You talk as if someone is having a baby."

Tony introduced himself to Martin. "Welcome to CLEAN CUT. I'm Tony."
"Nice to meet you. I'm Martin."
"While the two expectant fathers take a seat on the waiting bench," said Tony, "you tell me, Martin, what I should do."
"I want my head to be as smooth as a baby's bottom!" said Martin in a strained voice.
Simon and Carl burst out laughing, and Tony put a cape around Martin.
"So, Martin," said Tony. "Am I interpreting the situation correctly that I should remove your glued-on hair and shave off the rest of your natural hair?"
Martin nodded.
"Then I'll get to work," said Tony and began fiddling with Martin's hairline.
Tony carefully removed the hairpiece and then held it in his hand as if it were a trophy. "Do you want to keep it?"
Martin shook his head. "I don't think so."
Tony went to the trash can and threw away the hairpiece.

On top of his head, Martin had only patches of short stubble. At the back and sides, however, his real light-brown hair hung almost to his shoulders.
Simon and Carl stared at Martin's head. "Even you guys are speechless at the sight," said Martin.
"I've never seen anything like it," said Simon. "Well, actually, I have. It reminds me of when Carl got his long hair cut. When his haircut was half done, he looked similar. Like a clown wig."
"Shut up, bro!" said Carl.

Tony picked up a pair of clippers. "I'm going to buzz everything off now," he said to Martin. "No guard. To the shortest length you can get with clippers."

Tony brought the clippers to life and started shaving from the forehead toward the center of the head. At first, not much happened. There was hardly any hair on top. However, when Tony put the clippers to one side, a shudder ran through Martin's body. Now the real transformation began. The long hair slid from his head like snow from a roof during a thaw.

"There are balding men who are happy with a buzz cut," said Tony. "But I'm glad you seem to have come to terms with having your head shaved. A balding man who shaves his head smooth and soft shows in the clearest possible way that he has taken control of his hair loss."

After finishing the sides, Tony turned to the back of Martin's head.
"I recommend shaving your head every day," said Tony. "After a while, it'll be like brushing your teeth."
"Aren't you a bad businessman if you recommend that I shave my head myself?" asked Martin. "Then you won't win me as a new customer."
"Wait, wait!" Tony replied as another strand fell to the floor. "I'd like to win you as a customer. I'd like to take care of your beard."
"Which beard?"
"The beard I recommend you grow. A nice full beard."
"I've never had a beard before."
"But now it's time for you to grow one. To balance out your bald head."

Tony switched off the clippers.
"I look like a recruit," said Martin, reaching a hand out from under his cape to stroke his ultra-short stubble.
"The haircut you're wearing right now is called an induction cut. It's most commonly seen on soldiers and balding men."

Tony prepared shaving cream in a bowl.
"But don't get too used to the stubble! I'll get rid of it in a minute."
Then Tony spread the foam on Martin's head with a brush.
"I'm going to shave you very slowly so you can see how it's done," said Tony. "If you can't manage it at home, go to my website. There's a tutorial there."
Now Tony took a razor and began to scrape the foam and stubble from Martin's head. "To make sure your head is really smooth, I'll shave it twice, once with the grain and once against the grain."

After shaving, Tony massaged conditioning balm onto Martin's head. "I recommend taking care of your shaved scalp. And when summer comes around again, don't forget the sunscreen."

"How do you like your new look?" asked Carl.
"It's an unusual sight," Martin replied. "But above all, I'm relieved. That it's over, all that effort and all that fear that someone might discover my secret."

"Did the hairpiece actually get in the way when you were dating?" Simon asked.
Carl rolled his eyes. "Interesting that the very person who, until recently, wasn't very open about his own sex life is now shamelessly asking others about theirs."
"It's okay," said Martin. "My hair situation actually made me afraid to date anyone."

Simon stood up. "Then let's take some new photos right away that you can post on Grindr. I'm sure your dating life will take off like a rocket from now on."
Carl groaned. "So I'll soon be living with two sluts."
"And with you, that makes three sluts," said Simon.
"You think I'm a slut?"
"Someone like you, who's having affairs with his lecturer, an exchange student, and his neighbor at the same time, is definitely considered a slut. A heterosexual slut in your case."

The doorbell rang and Tony's next customer came in. Martin paid and the three roommates left the barbershop.

"Now all three of our haircuts scream discipline," said Simon as they walked home, "maybe that will lead to us cleaning our apartment more often."

To be continued...

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