Simon's Haircut Adventures (4) by Snagg

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How to Date a Buzz Cut Guy

"It increasingly pisses me off when guys send me compliments that actually just reveal their prejudices," said Simon. "Here, this message for example:
'I never would have thought that a tatted gym bro with buzzed hair could be so sensitive.'
Or this one:
'You're smarter than I imagined based on your aggressive appearance.'
What should I do? Put on glasses so I can pass as an educated muscle dude?
Or look how this guy explains that he doesn't want to meet me a second time:
'I dated you because I'm into men who are really muscular, covered in tattoos, and have a military haircut. But it totally turns me off when men like you turn out not to be stupid.'
My response to that is:
I'm also into men who are really muscular, covered in tattoos, and have a military haircut. But it totally turns me off when these men turn out to be stupid."
"You really wrote that to him?" said Tony, Simon's barber, as he refreshed Simon's mid-skin-fade buzz cut.
"I wrote it, but not to him—just in my notes for my stand-up routine."
"You do stand-up?"
"Next Saturday. It'll be my first time. I want to have a new hobby. Something that's different from my sporting activities and my university life."

From the barbershop, he went to the rear building where the Muscle Factory was located, the gym where he worked alongside his university studies.
On the way, he read a new message on Grindr: "I'd like to have a beer with a dude with ultra-short hair," wrote HotGuy1995.
"I'd like that too," replied Simon, "but unfortunately you don't have ultra-short hair, just short hair."
Simon thought, Another guy who hadn't bothered to read my profile properly. His profile clearly said that he only dated men with ultra-short hair or shaved heads.
HotGuy1995's hairstyle, however, conveyed the message: I want short hair, but not so short that my mom won't like it.
Well, at least Simon could use the conversation as inspiration for a gag on stage.

"... Effeminate gays often accuse me of overemphasizing my masculinity. But just like them, I dream of being a pop star. A pop star with a wind machine on stage. But instead of letting long curls flutter, I'd rather feel the wind on my scalp."
Laughter and applause mingled as Simon left the stage. He was in a trance as he made his way through the crowd toward the bar. His stand-up debut had been a success. Most of the jokes had worked. People had laughed at most of the right moments.
When he reached the bar, his roommates Martin and Carl patted him on the back.
"Congrats!" said Carl. "I was surprised when you told me you wanted to try stand-up, but I have to say, you were awesome!"
Martin handed Simon a mocktail. "I know you don't like to drink alcohol," said Martin. "So I didn't order you a beer."
The three of them clinked glasses. "To your performance!" said Carl.

Simon had got a taste for it, and after a few weeks he was a regular on the city's comedy stages.
One afternoon, while he was working at the reception desk of the Muscle Factory, a guy approached him, roughly his age, of similar height, similarly muscular, with chest hair peeking out from his sweaty tank top, an angular face, stubble, gentle brown eyes, and a head of brown curls.
"You're Simon, right?" the guy asked. "You do stand-up, don't you?"
"Yes, I recently started doing stand-up comedy."
The guy wiped the sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand. "I saw you perform the other day. Your jokes about what it's like to date as a muscle dude with ultra-short hair were something I hadn't seen on a stand-up stage before."
It was the first time Simon had been approached about his performances outside of a comedy club, and he didn't really know what to say. So he just smiled.
"To be honest," said the guy, "I'm one of those men who want to date muscular guys with very short hair, but don't have short hair themselves."
"I hope you didn't feel offended..."
"No, I'd say you hit the nail on the head. If you want to date men with extremely short hair, it works best if you have extremely short hair yourself."
Simon tried to imagine what this dude would look like with a buzz cut or a high and tight.
"You might be wondering why I don't just get my hair cut..."
"To be honest, yes, I am wondering that."
"Well, I work as a model while studying. That means I can only change my appearance to a limited extent. Otherwise, I'd actually like to get tattoos, and as for my hair..."
"But there are models with very short hair," Simon interrupted.
"Sure, there are. But they probably don't have a contract with a shampoo manufacturer like I do."
Simon grinned. "In the future, maybe you should work for a clipper manufacturer."
The guy laughed, said goodbye and headed for the locker room.

A few moments later, Simon's roommate and colleague Carl came around the corner.
"What happened to you?" Carl asked. "You look like you've just had a supernatural experience."
"You could put it that way," said Simon. "I just met the most handsome and charming man I've ever met."
"Again?"
"Don't make fun of me! This time I'm serious."
"Who is it? A customer?"
Simon nodded. "He's a model for shampoo..."
"You mean Pablo?"
"You know him?"
"I showed him the gym when he started training here."
"He's cute..."
"Simon, he has a head full of frizzy hair!"
"I know..."
Carl shook his head. "Bro, I don’t think you’re going to be much use today. I'm going to show a new customer around. See you later!"

Two weeks later, on a Wednesday, shortly after 8 a.m. Carl and Martin were sitting at the breakfast table when Simon came in the door.
"Have you been swimming yet?" Martin asked.
"I guess not," said Carl.
Simon poured himself a cup of coffee and sat down.
"Have you had breakfast yet?" asked Martin.
Simon didn't respond.
"What's wrong with him?" asked Martin. "He's been so distracted lately."
"He's in love," said Carl.
"He's always in love."
"This time it seems to be serious."
Simon finished his coffee and stood up. "I think I'll sleep for another half hour before I have to leave for university."

"Should we be worried?" Martin asked after Simon disappeared into his room.
"I don't know," Carl replied. "I've never seen him like this before."
"Who's the lucky guy?"
"Pablo. He approached Simon at the gym after seeing him perform on stage."
"He must be divine if Simon's reacting like this."
"He has a head of tousled curls."
"What?" Martin exclaimed. "He's dating a man with hair longer than a few millimeters?"
"That's right."
"I can't believe it..."

Spring had arrived. Simon had been dating Pablo for almost four months now. A record for Simon. Until now, his love affairs had lasted a few weeks at most.
After one of Simon's performances, the two strolled toward Pablo's apartment.
"I like your new material," said Pablo. "I was a little worried about how it would turn out when you made jokes about dating a man with a significant amount of hair, but my concerns were unnecessary."
"I just had to make jokes about it. I haven't understood what's been going on with me for four months. I needed an outlet."

Pablo put his arm around Simon. "Tomorrow is April 1st," said Pablo.
"Don't worry! I'm not going to say, April Fools, I'm going back to my shorn men."
Pablo stopped and looked at Simon. "It's almost midnight," said Pablo. "March 31 is over, and so is my contract with the shampoo manufacturer."
"Does that mean...?"
Pablo nodded. "Yes, that means I can finally get my hair cut short. To be precise, tomorrow at 10 a.m."
"You already have an appointment at the barber's?"
"I stopped by Tony's briefly after the gym today."
Simon hugged Pablo. "You taught me that I can love a man simply because he's a wonderful person. Nevertheless, the thought of your hair being cut short makes me incredibly horny. How exactly do you want your hair cut?"
"I want a mohawk."
Simon ran his fingers through Pablo's curls. "How short will it be?"
Pablo laughed. "Don't worry! It'll be badass short. The sides will, of course, be clean-shaven, and the hair in the remaining strip will be no longer than 1 cm."
"I'll love it!"
"Well, that's the haircut I've wanted for a long time."
"You'll look like one of those World War II paratroopers who wore mohawks to intimidate their enemies."
Pablo ran his hand over Simon's buzzed head. "Would you mind if I only wore camouflage pants from now on? And olive-green T-shirts and tank tops?"
"Just the thought of it gets me totally turned on," said Simon, feeling his cock get hard.
Pablo kissed Simon. "Will you accompany me to Tony's?"
"Silly question! Of course I will."

They continued on their way.
"Do you have a new client to replace the shampoo?" Simon asked.
"From now on, I'll be with a different agency," said Pablo. "An agency that also provides extras and focuses less on beauty products. In a few weeks, we'll take some new photos and shoot a video to showcase me."
"Why wait a few weeks?"
"Well, I told you I'd like to get tattoos. Before the photo and video shoot, I'd like to get my arms and parts of my chest inked."
"You'll probably be cast as the bad guy all the time."
"I'm especially looking forward to being your bad guy."

The next morning, Pablo put on a pair of woodland camouflage pants. "The other one I have has desert camouflage," he said. "Maybe I'll buy another one later."
Simon shrugged. "There's no rush to buy new pants. A guy who looks as tough as you're going to look in an hour doesn't need more than two pairs of pants."
Pablo finished off his outfit with an olive-green tank top. "It's actually a bit chilly today, but I feel like showing off my muscles."
"I can't wait to see your muscular body covered in ink."
"I have my first session next week," Pablo said as he put on his black boots. "I'm starting with a tattoo that will run down my right arm and across my right chest."
"What do you want to get tattooed?"
Pablo reached for his keys and his phone. "As an aspiring filmmaker, I thought I'd get a tattoo inspired by the movie Metropolis."
They left Pablo's apartment.
"And the other arm?" Simon asked as they walked down the stairs.
"I want a nature-inspired tattoo for my other arm. I'm currently working on the sketch."

Tony had just given a middle-aged customer a flat top when Simon and Pablo walked into the barbershop. The guy paid and said to Pablo as he was leaving, "I hope you're here to get rid of that mop. It looks awful."
The door closed behind the man, and Pablo said with a grin, "Well, he's got a point."
"At least you made some money with that mop," said Tony and asked Pablo to take a seat in one of the barber chairs.

Simon sat down on the waiting bench, and Tony asked him, "Are you happy that your boyfriend is finally getting a haircut worthy of a real man?"
"Ever since I told Simon my makeover was happening today, he's been hard as a rock," said Pablo.

Tony tried to put a cape on Pablo, but Pablo refused. He even took off his tank top. "I want the shaved hair to fall onto my naked body."
"That makes it even hotter," said Simon, spreading his legs wider so his cock had more room to move.

Tony began Pablo's transformation by combing his curls. "Tell me, Pablo, have you always had longer hair?"
Pablo nodded. "Yeah, I've always had pretty long hair. When I was a kid, everyone thought my curls were cute, and my parents didn't want to cut them off. Later, when I was a teenager, I kept the hair at the back and sides a little shorter. As a student, I let my hair grow out a bit longer again, and just as I signed that contract with the shampoo company, I realized I have a thing for very short hair."

Next, Tony created two clean part lines from front hairline to the nape. The distance between the two lines was about 5 cm.
"One day I realized I wanted to go bald," said Tony. "Being bald is just something I like. I wouldn't call it a fetish. With you, on the other hand, it sounds like there's more to it."
"I guess in my case, I'd call it a fetish," said Pablo. "The process I went through was a kind of coming out. It reminded me a lot of when I came out as gay. First, I admitted the fetish to myself, and then I decided to be open about it."

Then Tony picked up a pair of clippers and took off the guard. He placed the clippers right above Pablo's left ear, pressing them against his skull. A buzzing roar filled the room, and a huge strand of long hair fell to the floor.
"What will your parents say when they see their son without those cute curls?" Tony asked, letting more strands of hair drift onto Pablo's shoulders.
"I prepared them," Pablo replied. "They don't like that I'm cutting off my curls, but I think that after I introduced them to Simon, they already intuitively understood what their son's preferences are."

Stroke by stroke, the side was cleared. The clippers chewed through years of hair with ease, leaving it less than 1 mm long.
Pablo watched the clippers' movements in the mirror, fascinated. "I knew it would feel awesome to have my head shaved, but the reality actually surpasses my expectations. I don't want to sound silly, but what I'm experiencing right now is one of the best moments of my life so far!"

After shaving one side of Pablo's head, Tony changed positions and repeated the process on the other side.
"How was it for you?" Tony asked Simon. "Did you also go through a coming-out process when it came to your fetish?"
"Back then, when I got my hair cut really short on your recommendation, I hadn't quite admitted to myself that I was gay, let alone realized that I would find my own short hair—and other men's short hair—so hot," Simon replied. "But then, soon after the haircut, it all clicked. I'd say I experienced both coming-outs—being gay and my fetish—at the same time."

Once Tony had clipper-shaved both sides, there was a sharp contrast: shaved sides and a strip of hair running down the middle.
"What do you think," Pablo asked Simon, "should I change my mind, dye my hair, and have it styled into a long mohawk with lots of hairspray?"
"You're welcome to stink like a punk, but don't look like one."

Tony lathered the sides of Pablo's head with shaving cream. "Before I buzz the mohawk strip, I'll wet shave the sides first," Tony explained.
Tony picked up the razor, and as he shaved the first strip, he asked Pablo, "This is probably the first time you've ever felt a razor on your head?"
"In real life, yeah, but in my fantasies, I've felt a razor on my head plenty of times..."

"Should I shave your face too?" asked Tony after wet shaving both sides twice.
"I'd like to keep my stubble beard," said Pablo. "But I'd like it to be quite a bit shorter."
"Right now, I'd say your beard looks like you haven't shaved in about two weeks."
"Then please trim it down so that it looks like I haven't shaved in two days."
Good choice, Simon thought. He loved it when Pablo's stubble was fairly short and rough.

After the beard had been trimmed, the mohawk strip was released from its braid ties. Tony took the clippers again and attached a guard. Then he placed the clippers against Pablo's forehead.
"Are you ready to lose even the last bit of your mop?"
Pablo nodded. "Buzz that crap off, dude!"

Tony ran the clippers through the strip. What remained was just 1 cm.
"That's what I call the destruction of a model," said Tony. "You walked in with shampooed curls and are leaving the shop looking like an action movie hero."
"You enjoy giving men extremely short haircuts, don't you?" Pablo asked.
"If I didn't enjoy it, I probably would have chosen the wrong job."

Finally, Tony switched off the clippers.
"Wow!" said Pablo as he looked at himself in the mirror. "Finally, my outward appearance fully matches who I am on the inside."
"Since you have dark hair," said Tony, "the contrast with the shaved sides is really striking."
"You look so macho," said Simon.
Pablo rubbed his head. "Feels fantastic. I think I'll keep this look for a while."
"I hope it's not just for a little while," said Simon, walking over to Pablo to kiss him on his shaved head.

Pablo stood up and tried to shake off the hair that had stuck to his body. "I think I need a shower!"
He put his tank top back on and went to the counter to pay.
"Feel free to come back for a touch-up!" said Tony.
"I will," Pablo replied. Then he put his arm around Simon's shoulder, and the two men left the barbershop.

"Do you want to go home right now and play with your mohawk boyfriend?" Pablo asked.
"I'm horny as hell," said Simon. "But let's take a little walk through town first. I'm so proud to have such a masculine partner. I want the world to see us."

To be continued…

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