Special Offer by GermanCut

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In "Haircut Curriculum Vitae â€" Part 2" I told how I met a group of men with shaved heads in front of a barbershop. At that time, I wondered what could have motivated them to have their hair shaved off. What had happened before?

This could have been their story:


We live in a village in northern Germany. Some people imagine life in the countryside to be boring, but that's not true. Probably we have more parties than they have in the city. But there is one disadvantage: all the time, we see the same people. That's why we've had a tradition for several years: Once, sometimes twice a year, we go to Hamburg together to let it rip.

These are "we":

Andreas, 43 years old, brown curly hair, long at the top, cut short at the back and sides
Norbert, 59 years old, gray hair, long crewcut
My good friend Marcel, 34 years old, dark blond straight hair in 90s retro style: quite long and with a middle parting
Uwe, my father, 63 years old, more gray than blond, short crewcut
Me, Lars, 34 years old, blond hair, longer crewcut with "sides to zero" and a huge full beard.

"Why does he describe the haircuts?" you may ask. My answer to that: Wait and see! It is important for the story, I affirm.

Except for my father, who got divorced from my mother 15 years ago, we are all married, but we always make this trip to Hamburg without our wives. We want to spare them the worst embarrassments they would otherwise have to experience. We are more uninhibited when we are among ourselves. Besides, our wives often make trips without us, too. They will also have their reasons.

We arrived in Hamburg at lunchtime and checked into a cheap hotel on the Reeperbahn, where we left our baggage and quickly changed our clothes.

When we met in front of the hotel to go, I noticed that we would be easily recognized as a group. We all wore cut-off jeans, sneakers and either white or black T-shirts, or, like Andreas, a tight-fitting short-sleeved shirt that accentuated the biceps and left his tattoos visible. My father, on the other hand, was the only one wearing long trousers with elegant brown leather shoes and a white shirt. He had put on a necklace and a bracelet.

"Hey, Uwe! Do you want to pick someone up today? Or what’s up?" cried Norbert when he saw him.
"First of all, I’d like to drink a beer", my father said. "And then, we’ll see!"

We sat down in front of a pub that was not far away from our hotel, blinked into the sun, sipped our beer and thought about what we could do.
Andreas suggested: "Before we go out in the evening, let's go all together to Murat's barbershop like last year. There was this great offer: 'A haircut and a beer'. Maybe there will be this special offer again. So, let’s start the evening with beer while getting cool new hairstyles. What do you think?"
We thought it was a good idea, especially since we remembered how much fun we had last year before the evening really started. Murat was a funny guy, and he had convinced my father to get the short crewcut which still has been his actual hairstyle.

Some beers later and after a walk to the harbor, where we had fish and chips, we finally were in front of Murat’s barbershop.
"Okay, let’s go in!" said my dad.
(When I think back, we should have taken time, so we might have noticed the poster in the shop window.)

"Hey, guys! Back to Hamburg? Nice to see you again", Murat shouted as soon as we entered his shop. "What can I do for you?"
"We are here for the special offer!" Andreas shouted back.
"Oh!" Murat said and seemed to be very astonished. "All of you? Really?"
"What’s the problem?" Andreas asked, took a seat and looked at Murat with a big smile.
"No problem at all!" Murat answered. "If you really want the special offer, you’ll get it."

He wrapped the cloak around Andreas.
Then Murat grabbed the clipper, switched it on, placed it on Andreas’ forehead and mowed a wide path over his skull.
"What the f***!" cried Andreas, his eyes wide open.
"Special offer", said Murat. "You got what you ordered: a bald head!"
"I would never ask for a head shave! Are you sick?!" Andreas replied while his face got very red.
"But you wanted the special offer. ‘Take two head shaves, get one for free’, like you can read at the poster in the shop window", Murat said with an apologized tone.
"You want to say that ‘special offer’ means no beer but a bald head?" Andreas asked, completely stunned.
"You’ve thought… Oh, my goodness…" Murat said and blushed.

During this little discussion, we stayed speechless at first but then burst out laughing. How stupid! We haven’t paid attention to the poster in the shop window and thought that ‘special offer’ always means the same. We are real rednecks…
But above all, we had to laugh to tears at the sight of Andreas, our "pretty boy", whose hairstyle had been disfigured by a single pull with the clipper.

"Hey, Andreas", my dad said, "this is the beginning of your new cool unforgettable hairstyle!"
"I’m sure, you ‘ll look cool with a bald head", Marcel added, "Like Captain Picard or …"
Andreas said nothing, maybe because of anger, I don’t know.

"I think, the boys are right", Murat appeased, "A shaven head would suit you, I’m sure. So, I’m going to take it all off, if you don’t mind. I’m so sorry about this misunderstanding. May you like to have a beer?
Murat told us to take one from the fridge for Andreas, who opened the bottle with his lighter and looked much more confident.

Murat let the clippers run over Andreas’ head.
I’ve never seen a man shaved bald before. It was weird to see Andreas’ transformation from a "pretty boy" to… no, he didn’t look like Captain Picard, but more… like himself? With the disappearance of his pretty curls which fell in huge tufts on the cloak, a well-formed skull and a strong muscular neck emerged. He looked harder, stronger, more virile and better than ever, I must admit without envy.

"Voilà!" Murat said and was going to take off the cloak. But Norbert intervened: "Wait a minute, Murat! It’s not finished yet. A bald head normally is clean shaven. We want to see our mate with a shiny bald head!"
Andreas casted an angry glance at Norbert.

Murat switched to another room. We heard him shout to somebody: "Hey, guys! Finish your cigarettes and come here! We got a lot of work!"

Murat’s son Emre, a couple of years younger than me, entered, accompanied by Rolf, both with a broad grin on their face.
"I think, I need some help because of the special offer. By the way", he said turning to our direction, "who is next?"
Suddenly we realized the whole meaning of this special offer. And Andreas, who was just getting his head leathered, added: "Yes, who is next? Or have you been thinking that I would be the only one who strip naked on top?"

Norbert went to the barber chair and sat down carefully as if it was explosive. My dad, after hesitating a bit, took a seat, too.
Emre and Rolf put the cloaks around them, grabbed the clippers, and got started. A loud hum filled the room while the clippers mowed through my father’s and Norbert’s hair.
"Ah, it’s so marvelous!" my dad said in a very relaxed tone, "I often thought about that during the last time: to get my head shaved completely bald. I wondered how I would look being bald and how it would feel. We all will know it very soon. Dudes, I’m looking forward seeing all of you with shiny bald heads!"
I didn’t know if he only pretended to be cool or if he really was.

"Lars, I’m s**tting my pants!" Marcel whispered next to me in the waiting chair. "Why are we doing this?"
"It’s the peer pressure", I answered and I continued by appeasing him: "Cool down! You’re not alone. We do it together."
But to tell you the truth: I haven’t been cool at all. I was excited to watch how my father was getting his head shaved. This and the fact that I would be next in the chair made my legs restless.

"And now pay attention for my special method for an ultra-high glossy bald head!" Murat shouts like a barker. He put some oil from a small bottle on Andreas’ head, diffused it carefully and then grabbed a cloth with both hands and rubbed his scalp at high speed.
The result was worth to see: His head had got a very bright shine like a mirror.
"Whatever this special method contained: it smells like olive oil", Andreas said. Murat smiled instead of giving an answer.

I just wanted to take a seat in the barber chair, when four men entered the barbershop.
"Special offer?" Murat asked. "Yes…No… This won’t work", one of the guys replied. "We are four persons."
"What’s the problem? There are just five guys in the chairs, plus you are nine, so three head shaves for free. Come on, it’s your turn in a minute!"
"Okay, let’s go!" he only said.
"That’s it what I call ‘spontaneous’!" Murat cried with joy.

When my dad and Norbert got their heads lathered and felt the first strip of the blade on their scalps, I took a last glance at my full head of hair in the mirror.
The clippers began with their work. I just knew the feeling of the cool metal at the nape of my neck, but I never could have imagined how weird it was to feel it on the top of the head. The hum of the machine was not only in my ears but in my entire head, while large tufts of hair fell onto the cloak.
It took three, maybe four minutes and the guy whom I saw in the mirror was completely shorn. I took a deep breath.

"Ready for the final touch?" Emre asked.
"Yes", I gasped.
If the clipper running over my whole head was a special experience, the lathering and shaving were very special ones.
I felt the warm foam on my scalp and closed my eyes of deep comfort.
"Just relax", Emre said, "I’ll wake you up, if you fall asleep."
I smiled and watched the blade going over my head.
I couldn’t believe that this still was me: This man in the mirror with the huge beard which contrasted more and more with the top of the head where at the end no single hair was left.

After he had put on a strong smelled lotion, Emre took the cloth for the ‘special method’. I had a shiny bald head like the others. I looked absolutely fantastic.

"Where is your helmet, Viking?" my dad asked and run with his hand over my head what made me shudder.
"You look good, son", he said.
"You look good, Dad", I replied.

Finally, nine baldies left the barbershop, hugging each other and stroking each other’s heads. Marcel and I tried to sing "Shiny Happy People" by R.E.M. but with the most terrible result.
"What’s this song about?" Marcel asked me.
I answered: "I don’t know. But I’m sure, it’s not about baldies."

While Emre and Rolf took photos of all of us, three younger guys passed us by.
"Cool hairstyles!" one of them shouted, holding up his thumbs.
"Special offer! If you order two head shaves, you’ll get the third for free", Andreas shouted back. "Boys, the chairs have just become free!" shouted my dad. "Come in! Let it shave down to the wood! Three times stripped naked on top!"
But they just laughed and went on.
That’s what I call missed opportunity!

We had a great night all together. I never expected so many people to touch our bald heads. And I still don’t know how often we had to tell our weird story about the misunderstanding of the ‘special offer’ and how often our listeners burst out laughing.

Especially my dad will never forget this night. He really picked someone up: a very friendly lady called Susanne whom he has already dated very often since that night. I think she loves his bald head, because before every date with her, he spends a lot of time in the bathroom and leaves it always with an extraordinary shiny bald head. I’m sure they will be a couple very soon (or they are already a couple, who knows?).

Norbert and Marcel let regrow their hair. Andreas decided on a very hot skin fade but sometimes talks about shaving it all off.
My dad and I kept the shaved look. That means shaving our heads every day, because we both have thick hair. But it’s worth to do so. Susanne, I suppose, and my wife enjoy our bald heads as much as we do. No hair any more for us!

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