Eric's Surprise Lesson by Mikey

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I wasn't known to be a happy guy. My name is Eric and I have been in the 'emo' category for many years now. My short light brown hair from middle school had grown into a droopy long dark brown bowl.
My moodiness has always led me to be kind of a jerk to others, i suppose it made me feel more secure. When my cousin Jake from Alabama visited me (in New York) he got it the worst. I teased him with my thick dark hair as i knew that he could not achieve my look with his genetically thin hair. I also sensed that Jake didn't consider hair over the collar, covering my ears and bangs past my nose to be appropriate. That summer Jake vowed to sheer Eric into proper behaviour.
The next summer, I went to Alabama to visit Jake. Jake had an elaborate plan to lure me into a clipping. I was helping Jake with yard work in hot summer sun sweating like no tomorrow.Jake suggested that I accompany him inside for a drink. Upon getting inside Jake asked
"How do you manage the sun with that head of hair?"
"It works well up North but it is just a little long for Southern Summers."
Jake then offered to give Eric a trim, whom in his current exhausted state accepted.
Jake led me to the shower where I found a desk chair already in there. Jake had apparently thought this out beforehand. Jake. coaxed me into the chair which was convienently turned away from the bathroom mirror. Suddenly I heard a tearing noise, as i turned around, Jake secured my body with duct tape. My mouth was next followed by a speech from Jake about the way i treat him.
For reason I don't understand Jake found it essential to cape me up, perhaps he wanted me to see the hair on it. Then I heard a low buzzing sound; Jake cocked my head forward and I felt clippers at my collar. From what i could tell they had a relatively small guard and were flying up the back of my head. Large mounds of brown hair rolled down the cape like hay bales. My head was then cocked to the side where Jake repeated the process on my ear and siseburn. Jake flicked my naked ear to remind me of my position. The process was then repeated on the other side.
Jake then took out a spritzer bottle and doused the top of my head, i could tell he was making it as dramatic as possible. He combed my bangs down, almost to my mouth, and sliced them off above mid-forehead. He proceeded to angle my bangs and then began snipping away up top. Long hairs hit the cape for what seemed like forever. Then he took thinning shears and went to work, painfully, with them. He grabbed the scissors again and evened out the sides. He ruffled the top of my head so I could realize how short and thin it was.
I began squirming, thinking the haircut was drawing to a close. Jake informed me that the best part was yet to come, a super tight taper. I heard a louder buzz and once more my head was cocked forward. A much more uncomfortable clipper went 3/4 up my back and sides. This was followed by an even worse one half way up. Then the guard was removed and my past-the-ear sideburns were reduced to stubs. My hairline in the back was cleaned up and Jake carved huge arches above my ears. Then, in a technique I never experienced before, jake lightly tickles my edges with these clippers, reducing them to stubble. Finally the cape was removed and Jake lathered up my neck. After a scraping with his Dad's old razor, i saw the damage. My bowl was replaced with the tightest taper i had ever seen. Jake was quick to make fun of me, but I was to grateful to care; i had learned a very important lesson.

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